Just the way you are
by cabson
Summary: After being hit by a car Olivia ends up in the hospital. Although Olivia isn't badly injured there is made a horrible, major mistake that turns her world upside down. How does she deal with it? How will Alex react to what happened? "Of course I'm sure. I've known Olivia for years and I'm telling you that woman is not Olivia. Where is Liv?" Alex asks sternly. A/O eventually. Rat: M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or their characters. The only thing that's mine is the PC I'm writing this story on. I only borrowed their characters to write this story.**

**A/N Don't kill me for posting yet another story. The mind wants what the minds wants and my mind wanted me to write this story. My muse wanted it too so partly it's her too blame since I can't deny her anything when it comes to writing.**

**This story isn't set in a particularly season. Or setting. Characters will be added into this story as it gets longer. A/O as always.**

** Just the way you are.**

Chapter 1

It's in the late afternoon and Alex is working in her office she was just thinking about calling Olivia to ask her if she was in the mood for watching a movie together this night. The Detective had two days off and she'd told Alex the night before that for once she actually would take the days off and to clean up her apartment on the first day instead of going to the precinct and go to work anyway. The ADA had no pending cases so she thought it would be nice to leave the office on a decent hour for once. Alex decides that she would finish the paper she was working on and then to call Olivia and ask her it when her desk phone rings.

"Cabot." Alex answers her phone.

"Am I speaking with Ms. Alex Cabot?" A female voice asks.

"Yes you are. I'm ADA Alex Cabot. Who am I speaking with?" Alex asks.

"Ms. Cabot, I'm Betty Donovan, a nurse from Mercy Hospital. We have Detective Olivia Benson here. And she had you listed as her MPA. Detective Benson was in a car accident this morning. I'm sorry that you hear from us so late but there went something wrong with the communication this morning and I just found out that you hadn't been called so I called you immediately." Betty says.

"Oh my God. Is Olivia alright?" Alex asks worried.

"She has a concussion but she's alright. I can't tell you more over the phone, I'm sorry. You may come to the hospital to see her and they can tell you more then." Betty answers.

"I'm on my way." Alex says and ends the call.

Alex called her assistant via the intercom and told her to cancel the few appointments she had the next day and that she was taking the next day off and that she couldn't get called for anything at all. 5 minutes after the call from the hospital Alex was on her way to the hospital calling Cragen while driving to the hospital. He asked her to call him when she knew more and told her to drive carefully. When Alex arrived at the hospital she goes to the reception desk and asks where she could find Olivia. The nurse tells her that Olivia was on the 3rd floor in room 339. Alex hurries to the elevator and goes to the 3rd floor and goes to the reception desk. She asks where room 339 is and the nurse at the station tells her that she's Gena and walks with her to room 339. Alex takes a deep breath before she opens the door and walks inside. As soon as she is inside and sees the person in the bed she turns around to Gena and motions her to follow her out of the room. Gena walks behind Alex out the room and closes the door behind her.

"Who is the woman lying in that bed?" Alex asks shocked.

"What do you mean? That's Ms. Benson." Gena asks confused.

"No that's not Olivia and it's Detective Benson!" Alex answers.

Gena looks shocked at Alex.

"Are you sure?" Gena asks.

"Of course I'm sure. I've known Olivia for years and I'm telling you that woman is not Olivia. Where is Liv?" Alex asks sternly.

"Oh my God. I don't... I don't know." Gena stutters.

"I don't care how you do it but find her, now!" Alex demands.

Gena walks back to the reception desk with Alex on her heels. As soon as they are there Gena picks up the phone and starts calling.

Meanwhile, in the room 340.

Olivia wakes up with a major headache. Her arm hurts like hell as well does it between her legs. When Olivia opens her eyes and looks around she sees a nurse in her room. When the nurse sees that Olivia wakes up she starts talking to the Detective.

"I'm Carry. How are you feeling Chris?" Carry asks.

"My head hurts like... wait, my name is not Chris. Why do you call me Chris?" Olivia asks.

Carry takes a quick look at the chart that's at the end of Olivia's bed it says Chris Daniel Smith.

"I'm sorry, I assumed that your first name was Chris since that's what on your chart first. Should I've called you Daniel? What do you mean your head hurts? There is nothing mentioned about it on your chart." Carry asks.

"You've got the wrong chart. Do I look like a guy to you? I was jogging, this morning, I guess at 7 AM. I remember being hit by a car. That's why my head hurts probably. What time is it now? Has Alex been here? Why does my arm hurts like hell and between legs too." Olivia ask worried and confused.

Now Carry looks worried and shocked. And she is afraid, very afraid that there is been made a horrible mistake.

"I don't think so. And I'm afraid that something went terribly wrong." Carry answers softly.

"What do you mean something went terribly wrong? Wait before you tell me that call Alex first on this number. I think I need Alex here to hear what went wrong." Olivia ask slowly and then rattles Alex cellphone number.

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to go the reception desk to make the call." Carry answers and quickly turns around and walks out the room.

When Carry gets to the reception desk the nurse that went with Alex to the desk just hangs up the phone. Alex is waiting and sitting on a chair across the reception desk. Carry picks up the phone to dial Alex's number and looks at the other nurse.

"Gena we have a major problem. But before I tell you what's wrong I need to make a phone call. I need to call Alex, what I assume is her boyfriend, first." Carry says dialing Alex's number.

Gena wants to answer but gets interrupted by Alex's cellphone that's going off.

Alex heard what Gena and Carry said when her cellphone goes off. When she looks at her cellphone and sees that the number is blocked she pushes the off button and walks to the desk.

"Gena, I think we found Olivia. Now as much as I want to now what the hell is going here I want to see Liv now. The both of you can explain it to us there." Alex says sternly.

"I wanted to tell you that Ms. Cabot, I mean ADA Cabot, here is Alex and that she was already here but you dialed the number already and then her cellphone went off." Gena says.

"Alright the introductions are done so stop stalling and get me to Olivia." Alex says.

Gena and Carry nod hesitatingly before they turn around and walk with Alex to Olivia's room.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank y'all for all the reviews, favorites and followers I already got after the first chapter. It makes me feel good. I won't hold y'all up so let's go back to the story.**

Chapter 2

**I believe that two persons are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together. - Julia Roberts.**

It is so quiet in Olivia's room that you could hear a needle that would be dropped on the floor. Alex and Olivia are staring at Gena and Carry with their mouth wide open. Gena and Carry are looking like they hoped that the floor would open mystically and they could disappear in the hole that would be created. The shock is visible on the Detective's and ADA's face. Shock, confusion, disbelieve and anger showing in their eyes. After a minute Olivia blinks with her eyes and shakes her head, which she would regret under different circumstances because of the pain it costs but now the strong Detective doesn't barely notice it. She looks aside at Alex who now is sitting in the chair next to her bed, the blonde attorney was standing in front of the chair but needed to take a seat when Olivia and she heard the devastating news. Alex feels that Olivia is looking at her and somehow manages to get out of her own shocked state for a bit. The blonde looks at the Detective and sees the same emotions in the brown eyes that she feels herself.

"Tell me that I didn't hear that right. That there is something wrong with my hearing. Tell me that you didn't hear the same, Alex." Olivia says, her voice barely stronger than a soft whisper.

But Alex had heard Olivia. And couldn't imagine how the brunette must feel right now. For the first time in her life Alexandra Cabot doesn't know what to say. Alex opens her mouth to say something but closes it after she opened it. She tries again but still the words wouldn't come. She takes a couple of deep breaths and tries again this time she manages to get something out.

"I'm sorry but I heard the same you did. There is nothing wrong with your hearing I'm afraid." Alex timidly answers.

"I can't say how..." Gena starts.

Gena stops talking when she is at the receiving end of Alex's infamous death glare. The ADA got out her shocked stated after the soft whispers of her best friend. And switched into her prosecutor mode. Wanting to protect Olivia the best she can since it's obvious and perfectly understandable that the Detective can't do it herself right now. The temperature in the room dropped below the freezing point at least that is how it feels for the nurses.

"What I would like to know is how the hell is it possible to not only get two persons switched completely with their charts but also which moron did a hysterectomy on an unconscious patient. And how is it possible that no one noticed it until 15 minutes ago. Because it's obvious that it should have been performed on someone else, perhaps the woman next door. I suggest that the two of you find that out and who the hell Chris Daniel Smith is. And I suggest that you and this hospital get yourself some damn good defense lawyer because you all will be sued and I'm gonna prosecute the case myself. By the time I'm done with all of you, your asses will be thrown in jail, you lost your licenses and you wish that you'd never met me. Now get the hell out of this room and get someone in here that can take care of Olivia properly." Alex says with an ice cold voice.

Gena and Carry are both shivering from the tone of Alex's voice and the cold and hard look in her eyes. They need to swallow the lump in their throats and don't know how fast they need to get out of the room once they are able to move. After the nurses left the room Alex takes a few deep breaths to get her anger back in control and turns back to Olivia.

"I'll take care of you Liv. You're not alone in this. I won't leave your side and be here for you. I can't go back in time and fix it but I can and I will take care of you now. What ever it is that you want or need me to do, name it and I'll do it." Alex says softly.

"Yeah, ok. Thanks." Olivia mumbles, clearly still in shock.

"Liv, honey, is it alright if I step outside your room for a couple of minutes? I promise I won't go anywhere. I'll just stay in front of your room. Ok?" Alex asks carefully.

"Huh? Sorry, I didn't get what you were saying. I'm in shock I think. Could you repeat it what you were saying please." Olivia answers.

"I asked if it is alright if I step outside your room for a couple of minutes. I'll stay in front of your door, I won't go anywhere and I'll be right back inside. Ok?" Alex asks again.

"Yes sure. I get it that you don't want to be here with me. I don't wanna be here myself but it's not like I have a choice." Olivia answers sadly.

"No, that's not why I want to go outside. I just told you I'll do anything I can to help you and to be here for you. I just need to take care of something. It won't take long, I promise." Alex says.

"Oh ok. Go, I'm fine." Olivia answers with a hollow voice.

The poor Detective is far from fine and she probably can't remember a word Alex just said to her.

"I know you're not fine. And that's normal. I'll be right back 3 minutes tops." Alex says.

"Ok. 3 minutes. Just come back please, I need you and I don't wanna be alone here." Olivia whispers.

"I promise. Is it alright if I hug you now, carefully?" Alex asks.

"Yes. I think I can use that now." Olivia answers.

Alex gets up out her chair and takes Olivia in a soft hug not wanting to cause the Detective anymore pain. After 30 seconds she stops hugging the brunette and places a soft kiss on her forehead before she turns around and walks out of the room closing the door behind her. Alex is worried about Olivia she has never seen the Detective so distracted and shocked. Feeling her temper coming back again Alex pulls her cellphone out of her pocket and calls Liz.

"Donnelly" Liz says as she picked up her phone.

"Liz it's Alex. How busy are you? And how soon can you come to the hospital?" Alex asks, not being able to keep the anger out of her voice.

"Not very busy so I could come soon but why? Is there something wrong with you?" Liz asks.

Donnelly didn't know that Olivia had been hit by a car this morning.

"No I'm alright, considering what's going on and what happened. It's Olivia. She has been hit by a car this morning. But that's not why you need to come. It's what happened here in the hospital that you need to come for." Alex answers angrily.

"By the sound of your voice it's not something good. Is she alright? Is she hurt badly?" Liz asks worried.

"Physically she is alright if you can call it that. Mentally she isn't and I doubt she will be alright soon. Listen, just come here when you can and call Cragen and take him with you, I'll explain it when you're here. I promised Olivia that I wouldn't stay outside too long so I need to go back to her." Alex answers.

"Alright, we'll be there as soon as we can." Liz answers.

"Thank you. I go back to Liv. See you soon. Bye" Alex says and ends the call.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Considering my own state of mind and personal issues I have to deal with at the moment I've decided to write a chapter for a story that feels alright at the moment I start writing a new chapter. So there will be stories that are updated more and sooner than other stories are going to be. So far the bad news.**

**The good news is that I passed my exam for Tax Law. **

**Not that I want to do anything with it but it's a part of the study I'm doing so I had to take it whether I liked it or not. What I want to do is become a prosecutor just like our Alex.**

**Alright enough talking from my side. I'm sure y'all are more interested in reading the next chapter.**

Chapter 3

"**I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never now where the hell you are." - J.D. Salinger **

When Alex comes back into Olivia's room she sees something has changed in the Detective's eyes. She doesn't look so shocked anymore but it seems like that something else came in place of it, confusion. Alex hopes that now that Olivia doesn't seem to be so shocked anymore that the Detective won't push her away, something that is a normal reaction for Olivia. When people come too close or if she wants them not to see something she pushes them away. The same when she feels vulnerable or exposed and thinks that people might think she is weak.

"It looks like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it or not?" Alex asks after she closed the door behind her.

"Not really, I mean I want to tell you what's confusing me, but I don't want to talk about it yet if that's alright. I'm still trying to get my thoughts around what happened and how it is possible that it happened in the first place." Olivia answers turning her head to look at Alex.

"Of course it's alright. Just know that I'm here for you when you are ready to talk." Alex says.

Alex takes a seat in the chair again and waits till Olivia is ready to tell her what's on her mind.

"I know that and it means a lot to me that you are here for me. I can't promise that I won't try to and maybe push you away at times but I do promise that I will try not to do it." Olivia says.

"That's all I could ask for. Now do you want to tell me it?" Alex asks.

"Yes I do. While you were outside something came up in my mind. You do remember the Cheryl Avery case right? Not that I think that we both could ever forget it." Olivia ask softly.

"Yes I do. Why?" Alex asks.

"Back then you asked me why you felt so lousy for doing your job. I answered ' Because you look at Cheryl and you can't imagine what it's like to feel that your own body is a mistake.' and with everything that's going on that came into my mind." Olivia answers.

Alex frowned and looked confused at Olivia.

"I'm sorry, I can't follow you. You have me a little confused here. What has that to do with you right now? What do you mean with it?" Alex asks softly.

"Yeah well that makes two of us. Because it confuses me that is what came into my mind. I don't know what it means or what I mean with it. Nor do I know what it has to do with me. All I know is that it confuses me that it's that particular part I thought of. And that's all I want to say about it for now it is at least. I have other things that I need to think about right now." Olivia answers softly.

"I can see why it confuses you. And we stop talking about it now. Whenever you want to talk about it again you know where or how to find me. And you are right that you have to think about other things right now. I hope you're not mad at me but I called Liz and asked her to call Cragen and then come here with the both of them. I know that you have enough on your mind and that you have other things to think about or worry about so I understand it if you want to leave it over to me, but I meant what I said to those two morons, I'm going to sue them and everyone involved. Unless you don't want to do that or don't want me to that of course." Alex says holding her breath after she's done speaking.

Olivia gets a small smile on her lips and Alex releases her breath. Thinking that the Detective isn't mad at her for calling Liz and Cragen.

"Relax Cabot, I'm not mad at you. This is why I wanted you to be with me when they would tell me what was wrong. You're the best prosecutor this country has of course I want you to prosecute this. And if you won't do it, for my own selfish reasons, than maybe Liz can do it. She's the only one who wants to take them down as badly as you want it." Olivia says.

"I don't think that's possible. Wanting to take them down on the same level as I want that and you want it. But you're right after me she's the right person to do it. But why wouldn't you want me to do it?" Alex asks.

Not doubting that Olivia would think she couldn't do it after all the Detective just said that she is the best prosecutor in the country in her eyes.

"Like I said, there my own selfish reasons, but I think I'm gonna need you to get trough this. I know I won't talk about what happened with anyone else let alone talk about how I feel or how this makes me feel. And if you're gonna prosecute this, you will be busy with that and won't have time to be there for me in other ways. It's selfish and egoistical, I know, because you will be there for me professionally in the best way possible." Olivia answers shyly.

"Liv, it's not selfish to want me to be there for you personally. And if that's what you need or want me to be I would be happy to do that and leave the case for Liz to prosecute. Yes I want to put the bastards in jail but it's way more important to me to be there for you the way you need me to be. So do you want Liz to prosecute it so I can be there for you at all times? And be honest, tell me what you need." Alex asks warmly.

"Yes I do. I'm sorry Lex, I know how much you want to do it. But I really need you at my side, now more than ever before." Olivia whispers.

Alex takes Olivia's hand in her own.

"Liv, you have nothing to be sorry for. I want to be at your side and to be there for you more than I want to prosecute. In fact I'm proud of you that you tell me what you need the most. I know that's not easy for you. You're going through a hell right now and there is nothing I want more than to be at your side so Liz is going to do it. You are very much more important to me than prosecuting any case can be even if it's your case. So now that is out of the way, you are or I am going to push on the call button because there should have been a nurse coming checking you, minutes ago." Alex answers.

"Hey you don't need to get bossy Counselor, just because I let you stick around me doesn't mean you can go bossing me around you now." Olivia winks, trying to lighting things up a bit.

The Detective knows it's gonna be hard enough when Liz and Cragen are coming here or when there actually a nurse is coming to check her and she wants to try to relax a bit at least. Try to forget the hell she's in even if it's only for a moment.

"Yeah well I need to be bossy at someone now that I can't bossy around everyone that's going to be busy with your case. And since you want me at your side you better get prepared to be bossed around because the only other person or persons I can do that with are the nurses and Dr that are daring to show up here or take care of you medically. It's on my CV right under scaring and beating creepy defense lawyers" Alex answers with a sly smile, while she pushes the button.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N All I'll say is...**

**Poor Liv.**

Chapter 4

"**Love knows not distance; it hath not continent; its eyes are for the stars."- Gilbert Parker**

About 3 minutes after Alex had pushed the call button there's a knock on the door and a nurse walks inside. She hesitates for a moment before she speaks up. Olivia and Alex can both see that the nurse has something to tell them and judging by the look on her face both women doubt it's something good.

"You look like you have more bad news to tell me. Is there something the other nurses failed to mention?" Olivia asks.

"Hello Detective, I'm Kate. And to answer your question, not exactly. The surgeon who performed the surgery just came to us to update us. He thought it would be for the best if someone else would tell you it instead of him. So that's why it took me so long to come and see you. There is no easy way to say this, when the surgeon performed the surgery he found out that besides a uterus and ovary you also have testicles. Now normally he would have removed them too but since the person you were switched with is a trans gender he decided not to remove them and let him choose what he wanted after being told what the risks are. It is just a coincidence that his names were already male. I'm sorry for needing to tell you this." Kate answers.

Olivia turns green after hearing the shocking news. Alex is shocked with what she hears.

"I'm gonna be sick." Olivia says.

Alex looks around and sees a recycle bin next to the night stand. Quickly she picks it up and shoves it in front of Olivia just in time. Hanging to the right a bit, Olivia vomits in the bin several times. It takes the poor Detective 5 minutes before her stomach calms down a bit and she stops throwing up. Kate went into the bathroom and took a washcloth, wet it and fills a cup with water before she walks back and hands Alex the wet washcloth. When Olivia is done Alex takes away the recycle bin and hands it over to Kate, then the blonde attorney carefully takes the washcloth over Olivia's face to fresh her up a bit. Alex takes the cup with water from Kate and hands it over to Olivia who takes a few sips to get rid of the bad taste in her mouth and then holds up the cup for Alex to take it away and leans back into the pillows.

"Do you think you're done throwing up?" Alex asks carefully.

"Yes I think I'm done." Olivia says, still as white as the sheets she's lying under.

The Detective turns to Kate.

"How the hell is it possible that I didn't know that? Shouldn't I've noticed something years ago? Shouldn't they have noticed it when I was born or my mother when I was getting older? How is it possible to have a completely normal female body and testicles too? I don't get it." Olivia asks shocked.

"Truthfully, I don't know Detective. Normally with something like this you don't have it both like you did. I've never seen this before either, I'm sorry. The best I can do is to call a gynecologist and ask them to come here, today if that's possible. I can understand it's a big shock for you, I can't imagine how you must feel but do you know what you want to do already or do you want to talk with a gynecologist first and then think about it?" Kate asks.

"You would think since I never knew it I would get rid of them immediately, I shouldn't have to think about it for a second but I really don't know what I want. What the hell is wrong with me?" Olivia asks softly, looking at Alex.

"Olivia, you're in shock. It's normal that you don't know it right now. The most logical things aren't so clear anymore. There is nothing wrong with you. You just heard you had a hysterectomy and before you have time to even thing about what that does with you, emotionally, you hear this. Your world turned upside down twice in not even an hour. It's alright to be confused and not knowing what you want. How about she calls a gynecologist and you get some answers on your questions first? One or two days thinking about it won't matter." Alex asks softly.

"Maybe you're right. About getting some answers first I mean. Damn it Benson, think!" Olivia answers.

"Don't be so hard for yourself Liv. You'll figure it out and just so you know, to me you're still the same person as you were before. No matter what you will decide today, tomorrow or whenever you make your decision. Now how about that call?" Alex asks.

"I never will be the same person again as I was before, because I didn't know then what I know now. No matter what I'll do. Thank you for not freaking out at me or walking away from me." Olivia whispers.

Alex heard the Detective's words clearly though. Olivia looks at Alex for a moment before she turns her head back to Kate.

"I think I want to talk with them first. Can you call them?" Olivia asks.

"Sure no problem. And your girlfriend is right about being so hard for yourself Detective." Kate says.

Before Olivia or Alex can deny or correct Kate's mistake there is a knock on the door before it opens and Cragen and Liz stepping inside. Seeing Liz and Cragen is just too much for Olivia the Detective can't take it anymore and breaks down.

"Get them out of here! Lex, please, make them go away." Olivia begs before she burst out in tears.

Alex quickly jumps up and walks to a shocked Captain and EADA. With a nod of her head she makes them and Kate clear that they all need to leave. As soon as they are outside Alex closes the door behind and Cragen and Liz look at her with a worried face. They never have seen Olivia like this.

"Kate make that call please." Alex says soft but sternly.

Kate nods at Alex and then walks away. After she is gone Alex turns her attention on Cragen and Liz.

"I don't think Liv wants you to know everything right now and I won't tell you it, not without having talked about it with her. I keep it short, Liv needs me now and is more important. I'll call one of you later today when I have time. Do I make myself clear?" Alex asks with her courtroom voice.

It's clear to the other two that the younger blonde is being protective and worried about Olivia. They know that they won't get more out Alex then the ADA is willing to tell them now. And after seeing Olivia like this they are the last persons to disagree with Alex that the Detective didn't need her. So both Cragen and Liz nod.

"Good. Now as for why I asked you both to come here, the morons in this hospital switched Olivia with the person next door and they performed a hysterectomy on her instead. We talked about it after I called Liz and we want you to find out how the hell this was possible and sue every asshole involved. That's all I'm saying now. I have one question before I go back to Liv. As soon as I can I'll call either one of you. Liz, Liv needs me and wants you to prosecute this case. Do you want to take it please?" Alex asks, trying to keep the anger out of her voice again.

Stunned and shocked Cragen and Liz look at Alex. They have so many things they want to ask. Looking at Alex they both realize it's pointless at this moment. The blonde attorney's mind is already back on the woman on the other side of the door.

"Yes of course. But you better call as soon as you can, Counselor." Liz answers.

"I will, now I don't want to be rude, but you have to excuse me." Alex answers.

Before Cragen or Liz can react Alex already turned around and walked back into Olivia's room shutting the door in front of their noses. Cragen and Liz look at the door and then at each other. Both thinking the same the question.

What the hell is going on here?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Here's another new chapter for y'all to read. Apparently this is the only story I'm able to write for at the moment. Oh well I'm happy to be able to write at all at the moment. And those whom are reading this story are the lucky ones. My muse can change her mind in a split second so I don't know for what she'll let me write next.**

**I want to thank y'all for all the support I get and for all the reviews and fav/follow I already have for this story. You guys and gals are the best! **

**Small note for those who aren't so pleased with it, I don't force you to read it. If ya don't like it, don't read it. No need to get nasty or violent.**

**Right, enough of me talking.**

**As always R+R. I live for them.**

Chapter 5

"**Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."- Loretta Young**

Alex knows that she left Cragen and Liz with more questions on their minds than when they came to the hospital but right now she has other priorities. One to be exact and that's the woman lying in the hospital bed. Looking at Olivia the blonde's heart breaks. The Detective looks... lost, yes that's the word that seems to fit the best at this moment. Some other words that crosses her mind are devastated and shocked but mostly lost. Alex walks back to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat.

"Is there anything I can do to help you, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

Olivia looks at Alex with tears rolling over her cheeks.

"Make it all go away?" Olivia whispers.

"I wish I could. I wish I could let it disappear, but I can't." Alex answers.

"I changed my mind. I don't wanna talk with the gynecologist now. I don't wanna talk with anyone. Right now I don't even want to press charges. All I want is to wake up and realizing it just was a nightmare and if not I want to disappear. I don't want anyone around me. Except for you. I wish I could get up, walk out of this hospital and go somewhere nobody can find me or knows where I am. But that's not gonna happen." Olivia says softly.

"It's too much all of it together isn't it?" Alex asks.

"Yes." Olivia answers.

"Alright there might something I can do to help you. First let me go and find Kate to cancel the gynecologist. Then I'll go find out how long you need to stay in the hospital. And I do mean need to stay, not how long they want you to stay." Alex says.

"Ok. Then what? How do you think you can help me if I don't even know myself what I want?" Olivia asks.

"Then I call Liz or Cragen, I know that you don't want to see or speak anyone else besides me but hear me out. What I'm thinking is that you and I give our statements as soon as possible, let's get over with that. They don't need us for anything else so for example, say that you would be able to leave tomorrow, let's give our statements and after that I'm taking you away from here. We can go to my cabin and stay there as long as you want, we even can come back for the trial and go back again. I can ask Liz for a speedy trial, that way we only need to come back for 1 or 2 days I think. You and I both have more sick days and vacation days than we know what to do with. So why don't we make use of them now? Go away and stay somewhere where it's just you and me, like you want. The cabin is a perfect place for that. So what do you think of my idea?" Alex asks.

"You are serious? You really want do that for me?" Olivia asks shocked.

"Yes I am and yes I do. If that's what you want and need than that's what we're going to do." Alex answers.

"But Alex, I can't ask from you to take your sick days or vacation days for me. I can't ask for you to take me to your cabin. I know what that place means to you. It's your secret heaven, the place you go to when you want to be alone and recharge your battery or you go when you need to be alone and think about things. I can't impose you and ask you to give up that place for me. Don't get me wrong I think it's the best thing I've heard today but I can't ask you to do that." Olivia says.

"Well it's a good thing that you don't ask it but that I'm offering or suggesting it then. You are right with what you said about the cabin, but there is only one person I would like to take there and share it with and that's you. Now is just a good opportunity to actually do it. So what do you say, do you want to go with me as soon as you may leave the hospital?" Alex asks.

"If you are sure, I would like to go but only if you are sure. Because you want it, not because you think you need to offer it to me." Olivia answers.

"Yes I'm sure. In fact I would love to. Now give me half an hour tops, I promise I'll be back sooner if I can. I'm gonna look for Kate first and then I'm gonna call Liz. What do you want her to know and what not? I'm asking you it now because Liz is gonna ask me questions and I need to know what I can say or not." Alex asks.

"Well since you need to get her permission to take a couple of days off..." Olivia starts.

"Not a couple of days Liv. I told you we can, let me rephrase this, we are staying there as long as you need to stay. Now finish what you were gonna say before I interrupted you." Alex says.

"We'll talk about that later when I'm really up for it. Anyway as I was saying, since you need to ask her permission for your days off and ask her for a speedy trial, she needs to know what's going on and what happened whether I like it or not. So you may tell her but only if she promises to try to keep the testicles part off the table and won't tell it to anyone if she can keep it off the table." Olivia answers.

"She can keep it off the table, Liv. It has nothing to do with what they did to you. It's something that they found out because of what they have done. Because they screwed up and switched your identity. It shouldn't be a problem for Liz to keep it out. But I'll make her promise that she keeps it to herself. She needs to know so that she can keep it out. Now I need to go before the gynecologist will get here. I'll be back as soon as I can." Alex says.

"Alright go." Olivia says.

Alex stands up and walks to the door, turning around when she hears Olivia's voice.

"Thank you Lex, for doing this for me." Olivia says softly.

"No need to thank me Liv, I'll do anything I can to make this easier for you." Alex says.

The blonde attorney turns back and walks out of the Detective's room. Alex finds Kate just in time. The nurse was going to call the gynecologist. The ADA specifically asked Kate how long Olivia needed stay in the hospital. Kate had answered that the Dr. assigned to this floor needed to make that decision but that normally the Detective could leave tomorrow somewhere in the afternoon if she was lucky and if not it would be the day after tomorrow. When things stayed the way they were of course. Alex asked her to send the Dr. to Olivia's room as soon as the blonde was back there. She told her that it would be half an hour tops before she would be back at Olivia's side. Kate agreed and Alex left to find a more private place to call Liz. To say that the older blonde was livid when she heard what happened is an understatement. The two women agreed on trying to get a speedy trial and Liz agreed with Alex, after the younger blonde had made the older blonde promise she would keep it to herself, that she could keep the fact that Olivia has testicles away from the trial. Knowing everything now Liz understood why it became too much for the strong Detective. And when Alex asked for taking days off Liz knew that she was going to take them anyway. She made an offer to Alex. Take some sick days till the trial was over and then to see where they were standing. Assuming they were getting a speedy trial. Alex took the offer of course. She would figure out what to after the trial when it was needed. Finally, they agreed that Liz would come to the hospital tomorrow morning to take their statements, with Cragen. Giving both women but especially Olivia the time to get ready for it. Twenty minutes after Alex had left Olivia's room she came back and knocked on the door before opening it and walking inside.

"Hey." Alex says as she sits back again.

"Hey. How did it go? How long do I need to stay?" Olivia asks.

"There will be Dr. here soon to tell you that, but Kate thought tomorrow somewhere in the afternoon you might leave. If not the day after tomorrow. But don't worry about that. I'm gonna have a 'nice' conversation with that Dr. if he won't release you tomorrow somewhere in the early afternoon. Liz will be here with Cragen tomorrow morning to take our statements. And she promised me to keep it to herself that you have testicles. She's sure she can keep it out of the trial and I think that she will skip the last part and not ask you about it if you want to when Cragen is there too. So they only thing we need to do is for you to ask Cragen for some sick days, which he will be more than happy to give you and for me to go and pack our suitcases when they have released you. Doesn't that sound good after everything you went trough today?" Alex asks with a small smile at the corners of her mouth.

"After today it sounds like heaven. But we need to convince that Dr. first maybe. Or you may need to convince him if I'm not able to do it myself that is." Olivia answers, with relieve in her voice.

"Oh don't worry about that Liv. I'm sure you'll be able to do that yourself and if not I'm more than happy and certainly pleased to give him a piece of my mind if he should make the mistake and refuse to release you, when you are good enough, tomorrow." Alex says with a small but shit eating grin on her face.

Seeing the look on Alex's face when the younger blonde answered Olivia actually smiles herself. For a moment she almost wishes that the Dr. wants to keep her longer than needed only to see how Alex will give him her infamous death glare and more. Alex sees the smile on the Detective's face and raises one perfectly sculpted blonde eyebrow.

"Something funny Detective?" Alex asks teasingly.

"Funny is not the right word now, but yes Counselor. I almost wished for a moment that the Dr. refuses, only to see you in your prosecutor mode and tell him where to shove it." Olivia answers, winking with her eyebrows.

"Well anything to make you laugh or feeling happy for some time. So I think it's safe to assume should he refuse you want me to make him pee his pants like I do in court. Alright, I think I can do that. Maybe I can get him to release you before lunch if he refuses first." Alex laughs.

"Well the sooner the better. You know how much I hate hospitals. And now even more." Olivia answers.

"Yes I do. I'll do the best I can to get you out of here." Alex says.

"I know you will." Olivia says.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry I kept y'all waiting for so long. I have a lot on my mind right now. And I think my muse is playing hide and seek with someone else. Well they are hiding and I need to seek that is. Anyway, I hope to post another chapter soon for this story or another one.**

**Be my heroes and R+R. :D**

Chapter 6

**Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me. - Sara Bernhardt.**

The Dr. assigned to Olivia's floor had paid a visit and examined Olivia's left arm and thought it was broken, the radiologist had taken an x-ray which confirmed what the Dr. thought. The fracture was not complicated so the only thing they had to do was getting a cast around her under arm. He also examined the Detective between her legs and everything was alright. The surgeon performing the surgery had been a bit rough and that was what cost the pain between her legs. He promised Olivia and Alex that he would be back in the morning and that if everything was going well he would release the Detective around noon tomorrow. But he did request that there would be someone taking care of Olivia if he would release her. This was not a problem of course since Alex would take Olivia to her cabin when the brunette would be released. They didn't tell the Dr. that but they asked him if she would get permission to travel for about an hour and a half. The Dr. said it would be alright if it wouldn't be longer than that and Olivia could travel comfortably. Alex had refused to leave Olivia alone and went with her to take the x-ray and to get a cast on Olivia's left arm. They had stayed in Olivia's room after that. Alex had only left the room to get them something to eat once Olivia had gotten permission to eat. No one in their right mind would settle for hospital food Alex said so the blonde had ordered some take out and delivered at the reception desk on the main floor of the hospital. Olivia got trough the night relatively good. Not that she or Alex had gotten much sleep. They just had finished breakfast when Liz and Cragen arrived. It took them about an hour to get Alex' and Olivia's statements and when they were done Olivia asked Cragen for the sick days she needs to take. Alex and Olivia explained that they would leave and that they would be back for the trial. That they could call Alex's cellphone if they really needed them. Olivia told Cragen that she needed to go away and that Alex would go with her since she needed medical care. Cragen had told Olivia that she could take all the sick days she needed and to take the time to recover physically and mentally. And both Liz and Cragen had said that when the trial was over they needed to talk how to take things from there. They made it clear that there was no pressure and that they would figure it out, both realized that Olivia needed to figure things out and that the Detective needed Alex to do that. They thought that there was more between the ADA and Detective and that it was clear that they didn't know it but Liz and Cragen both had a feeling that they would figure it out once they were away from NY and be with just the two of them. Hoping that the two women would stop dancing around each other and see what everyone around them already knows. After Cragen and Liz left the Dr. had paid Olivia another visit and he told the Detective she indeed would be released at noon. Now they are waiting for the paperwork and then get out of the damn hospital.

"How do you want to do it? Would you like to go to my apartment first or to yours?" Alex asks.

"What works the best for you. I don't really care. Just as long as I can get out of here it's fine by me." Olivia answers.

"Alright. We'll go to my apartment first then since yours is closer to the highway. When we are done at my place you can take a small nap at your place while I'm packing your stuff." Alex says.

"Alex, I'm not an invalid I can pack my own stuff. I only broke my left arm it's not like I can't do anything at all." Olivia says.

"I know you're not but you can only leave under the condition that I take care of you. And you packing your own suitcase or bag or what ever it is you want to have packed is not tacking care of you. I pack your stuff end of discussion, Detective." Alex says firmly.

"Fine, I let you fuss about me for now, don't expect it to become normal any time soon, Counselor." Olivia mutters.

"I won't. Don't want to press my luck." Alex says.

It didn't take long before the Dr. was back with the release papers for Olivia and Alex to sign. After that was done the Dr. told Alex how to take care of Olivia's wounds, what to look for and when she heeded to bring her back to the hospital and he told Olivia to do nothing at all for at least the next couple of days. She wasn't allowed to use her left arm for the next 6 weeks. Of course Olivia began to protest but one glare of Alex and the Dr. threatening to admit her back to the hospital silenced up the Detective. There was no way in hell that the brunette would stay in the hospital. About two hours after they left the hospital Alex and Olivia were on their way to Alex's cabin. Despite all her protests Olivia fell asleep on her couch and Alex didn't want to wake her up when she was finished packing their stuff. On their way to the cabin Liz called to tell them that the trial would start Thursday, two days from today, and that it should take one day to finish it. If things were going real slow it could be that the closing statements and the jury verdict would be on Friday morning. Olivia and Alex need to be at the courthouse at 9.45 AM. The trial starts at 10 PM.

When Alex and Olivia arrive at the cabin Olivia looks around from the inside of the car while Alex walks around her car and opens the passenger door offering her hand to the Detective to help her out of the car.

"The view is beautiful Alex. And it seems so quiet here. I can understand why you love to come here, Counselor." Olivia says.

"Thanks Liv. How about we go inside and settle in before we go lounging at the lake?" Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea. I could use some relaxation to be honest." Olivia answers.

"Well I have two of the most comfortable lounge chairs we can lay down on. C'mon Detective I give you the nickel tour first." Alex says waggling her eyebrows.

Olivia shakes her head as she walks into the cabin behind Alex. Inside the cabin looks like an apartment. There's a living room, bathroom with a toilet and a shower, a small kitchen and two bedrooms. One semi big bedroom which is Alex's bedroom and a small guest room. The cabin is bigger than it looks on the outside. After showing Olivia everything Alex starts to unpack their suitcases in their rooms while Olivia lays down on the bed in the guest room till the blonde is done. When Alex is done she quickly changes into a short and tank top before she walks back into the guest room.

"Do you want to stay here or do you want to go outside and lay down on the lounging chairs?" Alex asks.

"Let's go outside. Could you help me up please and maybe help me change into shorts and a tank top too?" Olivia asks.

"Sure." Alex answers.

Alex helps Olivia sit up carefully and then helps the Detective to stand up. When Olivia is standing Alex walks to the commode and opens a drawer to pull out a short and tank top for the brunette. When Alex helps the strong Detective she stands behind Olivia to pull off her shirt and to put on the tank top. She knows Olivia would hate it if she would see the scars even though she would be seeing them tonight as she takes care of the wounds. She didn't want to make Olivia uncomfortable already. After Olivia changed her clothes the women walk to the patio behind the cabin and Alex helps Olivia to lay down on one of the lounge chairs before she lays down herself on the other one next to the Detective. Both women let out a content sigh. They look around and take in their environment for about 10 minutes when Olivia turns her head around and looks at Alex.

"Hey Alex, can we talk now? I think I'm ready for it well as ready as I can get." Olivia asks.

"Alright. We can stop at any moment you want though, keep that in mind. I don't want to force you talk about things you're not ready for. So, did you figure things out a bit?" Alex asks.

"I know you won't. To be honest I only get more confused. The more I think about it the less upset I get about the hysterectomy. And to make it more complicated, I never wanted to have children of my own, I don't exactly have the best genes to pass on, now I can't carry them anymore and instead I have testicles and I don't know what to do. Then there is not freaking out about having testicles and not immediately wanting to get rid of them is confusing me at least." Olivia answers.

Alex thinks about what Olivia is saying for a few moments before she responds.

"Well maybe getting a second chance on having children of yourself makes you think about it and maybe that's why you don't wont to get rid of your testicles or you don't freak out about having them. That is a logical explanation to me. I can understand that looking at it this way. So what you need to figure out is if you want children of your own or not." Alex says softly.

"Well besides needing to choose what I want or not, I don't have a penis to get a woman pregnant, IF I would want to get her pregnant the normal way. But what are we talking about here? I don't even have a relationship that makes me need to think about that kind of things." Olivia says.

'And it's not like you want kids with me in the future. So maybe I should get rid of them.' Olivia thinks.

Unfortunately for the Detective she thought it out loud and Alex heard her. The younger blonde's eyes are getting large as saucers and she let out a small gasp.

"Did I hear it correctly?" Alex asks shocked.

Olivia looks shocked at Alex and judging by the look on Alex's face she did say it out loud and more importantly the blonde heard her. Ashamed and being terrified for the blonde's reaction Olivia tries to get up to get away.

"Shit, I said that out loud didn't I? I'm so sorry Alex. I shouldn't have said that." Olivia says softly.

Olivia tries but can't get up.

"Damn it!" Olivia curses.

Olivia cursing get Alex's attention and she looks aside to see the Detective wrestling to get up.

"Olivia, stop! You're gonna hurt yourself. If you want to get up let me help you." Alex says standing up herself.

Knowing that she has no other choice Olivia let Alex help her up. As soon as she is on her feet the Detective turns around to walk away only to be stopped by Alex putting her hand on Olivia's arm.

"Liv wait. Don't walk away, please." Alex begs softly.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"**The heart wants what the heart wants." - Babs Duffy.**

_Knowing that she has no other choice Olivia let Alex help her up. As soon as she is on her feet the Detective turns around to walk away only to be stopped by Alex putting her hand on Olivia's arm._

"_Liv wait. Don't walk away, please." Alex begs softly._

Olivia stood still but she doesn't turn around. The Detective hangs her head answering Alex.

"Alex don't make it harder than it already is, please. Besides the fact that I'm in no condition to run or walk away, I can't go anywhere and I have no intention to leave. I know I should have kept my big mouth but I didn't. I'm sorry. I only want to go to your guest room if that's alright with you of course. If you want me to leave because of what I said, I understand it. You can drive me back to the City or I'll call someone to pick me up. Again I'm sorry Alex." Olivia says softly.

This not going into the direction Alex wants. Knowing the Detective very well, Alex knows that Olivia isn't running away or shutting her down, yet, but she needs to be careful to prevent it. So letting Olivia go for the moment and thinking about how to talk about this without making the brunette running away seems the best option for now.

"I don't want you to leave, Olivia. The opposite, I would like you to stay. You can go anywhere you want to go as long as it is the cabin. I'll stay here unless you want me to be close enough for you to call if you need me. I have one question to ask before you go and yes or no for an answer is alright if that's all you can say now. Do you mean what you said?" Alex asks tentatively.

"You can stay here I think I'll lay down for a while, but it's your cabin so feel free to come inside whenever you want to. I don't want to keep you away from it. As fucked up and bad as it may be or looks like, the answers to your question is yes." Olivia answers before she slowly walks away.

As Olivia walks away Alex sits down on the lounging chair again, still shocked but more surprised if she is being honest to herself. And if she is completely honest, she is happy that the brunette blurred it out unintentionally. The only thing she needs to do is to make the best and most important closing statement of her life. That is easier said than done. Alex knows that she only has one shot, one chance to say the right things. And as complicated that normally would be now with everything that's going on and is on Olivia's mind it's the hardest thing the blonde ADA ever needed to do. Alex is sitting in the chair for an hour when she decides it's time for the moment of truth. She gets up and walks back to the cabin. Taking a deep breath before she walks inside. Once inside Alex walks through the living room to the hallway and to the guest room and knocks softly on the door before she opens it. When she looks inside Alex sees that the room is empty, Olivia isn't there. For a moment Alex starts to panic but she remembers that Olivia had said that she wasn't gonna run. Alex closes the door and walks to her own bedroom. For reasons she can't explain logically she has a feeling that the brunette is in there. She knocks on the door before she opens it and when she sees Olivia lying on her bed holding her pillow to her chest she gets a warm feeling embracing her like a warm blanket. It feels so right for Olivia being in her bedroom. Alex clears her throat to get the Detectives attention. The moment Olivia looks at her she can see that the brunette has been beating herself up for the past hour.

"May I come inside, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

"Of course it's your bedroom. I'm sorry, Lex. For what I've said and for going to your bedroom. I just needed to feel you around me even when I needed time to think, if that makes sense." Olivia answers.

Alex steps inside and closes the door behind her out of a habit and she points at the bed.

" It does. May I sit down? I think we need to talk." Alex asks.

Olivia swallows the lump in her throat and nods. Alex walks around the bed and slowly sits down next to the Detective.

"Is it alright for me to start this talk and you respond to what I'll say?" Alex asks.

"Yes." Olivia answers timidly.

"Liv, you have nothing to worry about. If it's up to me this not a bad news conversation. I know you've been beating yourself up for the past hour and that wasn't necessary, isn't necessary. That being said, yes I was shocked when you said that you want children with me in the future. But after I got over the initial shock I was relieved maybe even hopeful because since you said this I think it's safe to assume that you started falling in love with me or maybe already are in love with me. At least that's what I hope you are. Because I happen to be head over heels in love with you. I have been in love with for a long time, Liv." Alex finishes softly.

Olivia looks at Alex, shocked. The table's certainly turned. Not in a million years the Detective would have thought that the smart and beautiful ADA could be in love with her. But wait, there is a rather big problem now. At least that's what Olivia thinks. Although, only, Olivia knows that Alex isn't heterosexual, this is something else. Even though the Detective doesn't know what to do or is having doubts about her own body and isn't ready to admit that, surely the blonde attorney is in love with Olivia as the woman they thought she was till yesterday.

"You are right, I'm in love with you too, Lex. But things has changed. I'm not the person anymore we thought I was physically I mean. I have testicles and even though I don't know what I'll do that doesn't change the fact that I have them." Olivia says.

"You listen to me Detective, listen good because I only will say this once. I'm in love with WHO you are, not with WHAT you are. I meant what I said yesterday. To me you're still the same person as you were before. And I support you with what ever decision you make. I will still be in love with you. Even if it turns out that you want to change your gender. Yes it won't be easy, especially for you, but if you are willing to give this, us, a chance I know we'll deal with it no matter how hard it will get. If you change your mind about having children biological and you want to have them with me, in the future, you'll make me the happiest woman on this planet. Having children in the future, biological or not, will make me the happiest woman in the world. And I mean everything I just said. I want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to scare you or make you run away but to make it clear I have to take the risk. I want the whole picture Liv, I want everything with you eventually. I know, your world is turned upside down but I will be there for you and if you want to wait to start a relationship, if you want that with me, I'm willing to wait until you are ready for that and to support you as your friend till then. Don't confuse that with not wanting a relationship with you because that's not what I mean. I do want a relationship with you but only if you want to start that now too, if not I'll wait for you. I want to do it right this time." Alex says.

Olivia looks with watery eyes into Alex's stormy blue ones and sees in her eyes that Alex meant everything she just said. The detective turns her head away and thinks about what the younger blonde said. Of course Alex wants an answer immediately but she remains silent and waits patiently, knowing that Olivia needs to think about her words before answering back. The only thing Alex hopes is that the words she has spoken are enough. After two long minutes for the ADA Olivia turns back her head and looks straight into Alex's eyes.

"That was one hell of a closing statement, Counselor. Seriously, I'm unsure about a lot of things but the one thing I'm sure about is that I want a relationship with you too Alex. I don't want to wait till I figured everything else out. I know that you will be there for me and support me but I want you to do that being my girlfriend and not as my friend. You're not the only one that has been in love for a long time. To be honest, I've been in love with you since a couple of months after we met for the first time. I want everything with you when the time is right. You have slowly convinced me that my genes didn't make me who I am today, so to speak. And I'm not sure about what I want to do but I'm not so scared anymore knowing that you want to be with me no matter what I decide or what will happen. So I think it's time to ask you the next questions. Alexandra Cabot do you want to be my girlfriend? And do you want to go on a date with me as soon as I'm physically able to take you out on a date?" Olivia asks shyly.

"Yes, Olivia Benson, I want to be to your girlfriend, there's nothing I want more right now than to be your girlfriend. And yes I would love to go on a date with you when it's possible. I don't know about you, Detective but my cards are on the table. I'm all in. How about you?" Alex asks, smiling widely.

"I call, Counselor. I call." Olivia smiles back.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I know I only write for this story at the moment, but frankly I'm just happy to be able to write at all. **

**I would like to thank a few readers that are reviewing this story so loyally every chapter: dragonsprit, Jbcjazz, Mariskafan2364 and tummer22. You give me the spirit and strength I need to write a story like this with these kinds of emotions.**

**I am aware of the big jump of the cliff into the lake I took with starting to write this story and I am beyond happy that y'all like or love this story so much. **

**Alright enough emotional and cheesy stuff and let's go on with the next chapter. **

Chapter 8

"**When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks." - Natalie Clifford Barney.**

After their big talk Alex and Olivia went back outside again to relax in the lounge chairs and enjoy their environment and of course each other's company. So lying down relaxed in their chairs the ADA and Detective are playing a game that looks like a weird combination of 20 questions and fuck, marry and kill. To anyone else it would look like Alex and Olivia lost their minds or at least that they have gone crazy but Alex and Olivia have a great time with tears rolling down their cheeks from laughing at times. They even played 20 questions differently, they already know each other very well so they had decided to give that a twist too. And if they don't want to answer the question they need to do a related dare chosen by the questioner. The only rule their game has is that no heavy subjects are allowed. It's Olivia's turn to ask a question. Alex's last question had the Detective almost choking on her drink so Olivia takes her time to think of a question. Unfortunately just when Olivia wants to ask her question Alex's cellphone goes off. Alex looks at her phone and frowns her eyebrow when she sees who it is and picks up.

"You better have a very good reason to call again today. Which part of only call for emergencies do you not understand?" Alex says as a greeting.

"Hello to you too, Counselor." Liz answers.

"Hello. Why are you calling?" Alex asks.

"Is Olivia somewhere near you, Alexandra?" Liz asks.

"Yes, she's next to me laying down on a lounge chair. Why?" Alex answers.

"Oh good, put your phone on the speaker than." Liz answers.

Alex frowns and turns to look at Olivia.

"It's Liz again, although I don't know why." Alex says while putting her cellphone on the speaker.

Olivia raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. The Detective knows that they will find it out soon in enough.

"Alright Liz you're on speaker." Alex says.

"I got a phone call from Petersen, the hospital's attorney. He'd have a meeting with all the parties involved and he asked for appointment tomorrow to talk about a deal. Of course I told him that I needed to discus that first and that I would call him back. I think they want to avoid a trial. Knowing that they will lose that of course." Liz says.

Alex and Olivia look at each other and they know that Liz is right, it certainly looks like that they want to avoid a trial. Alex nods at Olivia silently saying that she should take the lead. Olivia thinks for a few moments and then get's a small grin around her lips. Alex's raises an eyebrow at the Detective.

"Liz, who will be there on their behave if we agree to talk about making a deal?" Olivia asks.

"Petersen as their attorney, Collins, the CEO of the hospital and Vain, the surgeon. Why?" Liz asks.

Olivia looks at Alex while speaking to the blonde ADA and Liz.

"I have a question first. Is there a way that Alex can become my personal attorney during the meeting since she's a witness too?" Olivia asks.

Alex looks surprised at Olivia as Liz answers the question.

"Technically yes, you are on this case as a civilian." Liz answers.

Even though she is going through a hell mentally Olivia gets a shit eating grin on her face at Liz's answer. Alex sees it and knows that the Detective has figured out a plan.

"I know that look, Detective. Spill it." Alex snickers.

"Alright Liz, make the appointment, but not to early please. We need to come back to the City and I would like to do that tomorrow early in the morning." Olivia says.

"Alright I will. But care to explain why you want Alex to be your attorney?" Liz asks.

"You're right about them wanting to avoid a trial. You would destroy them in court and they know it. Now I don't want to offend you Liz, but we all know that when it comes to deals Alex is the best lawyer, in this country I'd like to add." Olivia answers making Alex blush up to her hairline.

"I think it's safe to say now that it's about me she's ready to strike, at least. Alex is right, I have plan. Liz, you and I go into the room together without Alex. After the made an offer, doesn't matter what it is, I tell them I need to talk about it with my attorney. And ask them for a couple of minutes. I'm pretty sure they will say that my attorney can join us, after I tell them that she's in the next room. Then I go get Alex to tell her their offer and let her handle it from there and wait outside. By the time she's done they all wish they could have had a trial with a chance to win it." Olivia says.

"I'm not offended. Detective, you are evil. But this will get you the best deal. You're right Alexandra is the best lawyer when it comes to deals. Although I have to say that you are biased thinking that she's the best in the country." Liz says.

"We'll see if you still think that tomorrow after we're done. So, Cabot, what do you think? Can you agree with my plan or not, Counselor?" Olivia asks smiling at Alex.

"Hell yeah. By the time I'm done with them they won't know what hit them and they'll be crying for their mothers, Detective." Alex answers smiling back.

"I knew it already and for a long time but remind me to not piss you off together and get the two of you against me in tag team. Alright back to business. I'll call Petersen and make an appointment for let's say 11 AM? If I don't call you back they agreed with the time. And after we're done there I call Cragen to come to my office and we can talk about how and what to do with your absence. Alright?" Liz asks.

"11 AM is fine with me. Lex?" Olivia asks.

"Well it's fine with me but are you sure you don't want more time to get ready in the morning and do it after lunchtime, Liv?" Alex asks.

"We both get up early in the morning normally so 11 AM is ok. Alright Liz, we'll be there." Olivia answers.

Liz smiles to herself about the interaction between her goddaughter and the Detective during this conversation. And she decides to try to push them in the right direction and at the same time have a bit of fun.

"Alright. Oh Counselor and Detective, while you two are there, stop dancing around. See you tomorrow. Bye." Liz says teasingly and ends the call before either of them can react.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"**Only do what your heart tells you." - Princess Diana**

It's 7 AM when Olivia wakes up a little disorientated and sleepy she opens one eye and sees that she's in the guestroom of Alex's cabin. She closes her eye again and slowly realizes that she is feeling hot and that someone is lying half on top of her with their arm around her waist and their head on her chest, smelling like strawberry shampoo and a vague smell of perfume, smelling like Alex. The Detective vaguely remembers that she had nightmare during the night and that Alex came into her room and got into her bed and comforted her. Wait. Again Olivia opens one eye briefly and closes it again.

'Alright. Blonde hair and smells like Alex. Seems like Alex is laying half on top of me.' Olivia thinks and then two brown eyes shut open widely and suddenly the Detective is wide awake.

'Holy shit, Alex is laying on top of me. Alexandra Cabot is laying on top of ME. Oh my god, what do I do now? Think Benson!'

Olivia now lays frozen and wide awake in bed and doesn't dare to move not even one muscle. The Detective tries to get her breathing back under control and her heart rate down hoping that Alex won't wake up. But Alex has been lying down on Olivia's heart half the night after she got Olivia calm again and asleep. The blonde fell asleep next to Olivia and in her sleep she snuggled up against the Detective with her head on the Olivia's chest. Somehow she woke up when the Detective's heartbeat went up.

"Good morning, Liv. Did you sleep ok?" Alex asks sleepy, her voice huskier than normal because she just woke up.

As she speaks Alex realizes that she's lying half on top of Olivia and immediately let go of the Detective and sits up straight. Both women look at each in shock. And then burst out in laughter after seeing their equal reaction at their current situation. When they both calmed down a bit and they are able to talk again Olivia winks at Alex.

"You know Lex, if you want to cuddle you can just ask me. No need to snuggle up against me secretly when I'm asleep and scare the hell out of me when I wake up." Olivia smiles.

"I'm sorry Liv. I fell asleep next to you and apparently I snuggled up against you when I was asleep." Alex says blushingly.

"Excuses, excuses, Counselor. Just admit that you are a mushy goofball when it comes to me." Olivia says waggling with her eyebrows.

"Alright, you got me. Just keep it to yourself I've got a reputation to protect." Alex smiles.

"Don't worry about that I'd like to keep that and you to myself for a while. Speaking of that rep of yours how about we get up and get ready and have breakfast before you prep yourself to be my hard ass attorney? We need to leave at 9.15 AM at the latest if we want to get back to the City in time." Olivia asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. I do need to take a good look at your wounds and clean them, Liv. I know you don't like it but it's necessary, I went easy on you yesterday with looking briefly at them. After that we can wash you to get that hospital smell of you if you want it." Alex answers.

Olivia looks downwards as she hears Alex saying that she needs to look at her wounds thoroughly. She knows the blonde is right but she hates it. It makes her feel weak and vulnerable and there is nothing she hates more than that.

"I know you have to do it and I'm glad that it's you who's doing it and not someone else but I still hate it, Alex. After you took care of my wounds can we do it the same way did it yesterday? You standing behind me. I can take care of my intimate parts myself, I need some help with the rest though." Olivia asks softly.

Alex looks at Olivia and gently lays one finger under Olivia's chin and pushes the Detective's head up so she can look into her eyes.

"You don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed Olivia. I know you think of yourself as weak and vulnerable and that you hate it but that's not how I see you. To me you are the same strong and tough person as you were before. But I want you to be as comfortable as you can be, so how about I take care of your wounds and then stand behind you to help you undress? You can wash the parts you can do yourself and I do your back and the parts you can't take care of. I even can turn around with my back to yours if that will help you." Alex says softly.

"That's alright. But you don't have to turn your back to mine Alex. Thank you for understanding me and being thoughtful." Olivia answers.

"No need to thank me Liv. Now let's go and get over with it." Alex says.

Both women get off the bed and do the things they need to do and when they are done they have a nice breakfast. While Alex prepares herself Olivia lays down on the couch in the living room and reads a book till it's time for them to leave the cabin and go back to NY. They are lucky with the traffic and are able to get a nice cup of coffee before they go inside 1 Hogan. They go to Liz's office first where Alex will stay till Olivia comes to get her. After being inside for a couple of minutes Liz's secretary calls her via the intercom to tell her that Petersen and the rest of the men are here and waiting for them the appointed room. Liz and Olivia stand up to walk outside the older blonde's office. Alex squeezes Olivia's right shoulder softly for encouragement and the Detective smiles softly at the ADA before leaving the room behind Liz. They stand still in front of the room and Liz turns to Olivia.

"Ready Detective?" Liz asks.

"As ready as I can be. So let's go." Olivia answers.

Liz nods at Olivia and opens the door. She walks inside before Olivia who closes the door behind her and turns around. Petersen, Collins and Vain stand up and wait for Liz and Olivia to sit down before they sit down again.

"Alright gentlemen, let's start immediately shall we? You asked for this meeting in order to talk about the possibilities of a deal with Detective Benson. So talk." Liz says sternly.

"Straight to business? Alright. I'm Rick Petersen, I'm the hospital's and Dr. Vain's attorney. Next to me on the left is Derrick Collins, CEO of the hospital and on my right is Dr. Danny Vain, surgeon at Mercy hospital." Petersen introduces the three men.

"First I would like to offer our sincere apologies to you, Ms. Benson. I know it doesn't change a thing but it's the least I can do." Petersen says.

"It's Detective Benson. And you are right it doesn't change a damn thing." Olivia says coldly.

"Sorry Detective Benson. Alright as requested this is the deal we're offering. The nurses, Ms. Gena Denning and Ms. Carry Thompson, will be suspended for a month without paying, Dr. Vain will be suspended for two months without paying and you will get a claim of 250.000 dollar." Petersen says.

Olivia manages to keep her face straight, all the years of being a Detective for SVU are paying off. The offer is an indication of what is possible and the brunette is sure that Alex can get way more out of this. In fact the offer is almost offending and Olivia would have reacted wouldn't it have a negative result in the end. Olivia looks at the men and then at Liz before she answers.

"Gentlemen, Ms. Donnelly, if you would all excuse me, I would like to talk about this with my attorney. It only will take a couple of minutes. Let's say around 5 minutes." Olivia says almost sweetly.

Petersen and the two others look confused.

"Excuse me, your attorney? Isn't Ms. Donnelly here for that?" Petersen asks.

"I have my own attorney, Mr. Petersen. I'm sure you know how it works. As I said it won't take long, my attorney is waiting for me." Olivia answers.

"Yes of course I know it. Do you mean that your attorney is here, in this building? Because if he is why don't you get him in here? It will safe us all time and will be easier to talk." Petersen says.

"Yes SHE is in the building. If that's what you want I'm happy to go and get her back inside with me, after we talked about your offer that is. Now if you all excuse me, I'll be right back." Olivia says.

Olivia stands up immediately and walks out of the room, not waiting for an answer and giving Petersen the opportunity to react and ask her who it is. Petersen frowns at the back of Olivia. Wondering what female lawyer could be the Detective's attorney. He looks at Liz for an answer but Liz just shrugs her shoulders and keeps quiet. Olivia walks into Liz's office where Alex is pacing a whole in the carpet. She stops pacing when she sees Olivia.

"Ready to get this show on the road, Counselor? They won't know what hit them. Petersen asked to get him in there. I told him that I would get HER and left him wondering who it could be." Olivia smiles.

"Of course I'm ready. What's the offer?" Alex asks, smiling at Olivia.

"1 month suspension without paying for Gena and Carry, two months for that asshole and a claim of 250.000 dollar. I would have laughed in his face or something if that couldn't bite me back in the ass in the end." Olivia scowls.

"Are they nut? Who do they think they are dealing with, some dumb ass junkie? It's a joke and insulting if they are thinking that you or we would take that offer serious. Alright let's go kick some asses, Detective. This is gonna be fun." Alex says.

Olivia smiles knowingly at Alex.

"Alright, Ms. I – can – kick – everyone's ass- Cabot, let's go." Olivia says.

"Smart ass." Alex says.

They smile at each other before putting their game face on again and walk out of Liz's office. Olivia knocks on the door before she opens it and walks inside with Alex following right behind the Detective closing the door behind her. As soon as Petersen sees Alex his jaw hits the floor. He knows immediately that they are screwed.

"Mr. Petersen, I'm sure you now my attorney. Mr. Collins, Dr. Vain this is my attorney Alexandra Cabot. Alex this are Mr. Petersen, who I'm sure you know, on his left Mr. Derrick Collins, CEO of Mercy hospital and on his right Dr. Danny Vain, the surgeon who performed the hysterectomy." Olivia introduces Alex to the men, with a small smile on her face.

"Yes... of course I know... Ms. Cabot." Petersen stutters.

Petersen looks at Alex who gives him a glare and then quickly looks at Olivia. The Detective smiles, no laughs inside herself, Petersen is already peeing in his pants and Alex hasn't said a word yet. Once again Alex's reputation got ahead before her.

"I have discussed your offer with Ms. Cabot and she will handle things from now on for me. She knows to what I will agree or won't agree and has a free hand to negotiate to an acceptable deal for me. She's more than capable of doing it without me sitting next to her, so again, if you all will excuse me. I'll wait in Ms. Donnelly's office for the outcome of this meeting." Olivia says.

As Olivia is turning around to leave again Petersen mutters "we're screwed" under his breath. The other two men didn't hear him but Liz, Alex and Olivia certainly did. The Detective turns back to look at Petersen.

"I'm sorry Mr. Petersen, you were saying?" Olivia asks.

"Nothing Detective Benson. Nothing at all." Petersen answers.

"Alright. I thought I heard something but it must have been my imagination then." Olivia says sarcastically as she turns around and walks out of the room.

When Olivia has closed the door behind her she hears Alex asking with an ice cold voice if the offer that was made was serious because if it was that would be insulting. Smiling to herself, despite being nervous as hell, Olivia walks to Liz's office and gets inside. Waiting for Alex and Liz to come back with hopefully a killer deal. In the next half an hour Olivia drinks 4 cups of coffee to calm down her nerves. Because even though Alex will make the best deal she can get and Olivia has all the faith she can have in the blonde ADA, if Petersen, Collins and Dr. Vain don't accept the deal Olivia knows she still needs to go to the courtroom the next day. It is doubtful but still there's always a chance even if it is a very small one. Just when she wants to get up to get her fifth cup of coffee Alex and Liz are walking into Liz's office. As soon as Alex closed the door behind her Olivia walks to the younger blonde.

"And what do you got?" Olivia asks nervously.

Alex looks at Liz and then smiles at Olivia.

"A pissed off attorney and probably two grown men almost crying for their mothers." Alex smirks.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"**It may be an old cliche, but I think true love will last; it has no end. But finding the right person is a very difficult thing." - Bruce Forsyth.**

"_A pissed off attorney and probably two grown men almost crying for their mothers." Alex smirks._

"Alexandra don't be so modest dear. When they are alone they will cry for their mothers. You totally kicked their asses." Liz chips in.

"So I can assume that they accept a deal?" Olivia asks.

"Yes they did. At first they hesitated but when they heard what Liz was going for on trial they immediately agreed. So no court tomorrow. We have to go Petrovsky's chambers to seal the deal in half an hour. We've got lucky she had time for us so soon." Alex answers.

"Are you gonna tell me what you got now or what?" Olivia asks.

"Yes I am. But you better sit down before I tell you it." Alex answers.

Olivia raises one eyebrow questioningly but takes a seat in on of the two chairs at this side of Liz's desk. Liz sits down in her own chair behind her desk and Alex takes a seat in the chair next to Olivia. Turning to look at the brunette.

"Gena and Carry are both suspended without payment for 6 months. Vain is getting suspended without payment for 1 year. Plus he loses his function as head of the team and can't get it back for the next 5 years. He also has a probation for the next two years. If he screws up, even a bit, he'll lose his license.

You have the best health insurance for the rest of your life. Plus every surgery you might ever need will be paid for by the hospital if it's not covered by your health insurance.

I know that when you are retiring, in the future, you want to start a foundation. The money to start a foundation with will be paid also by the hospital. That means everything you need to get a good start and make it running well.

And finally you don't have to worry about paying your bills anymore. You get 2000 dollars every month for the next two years, starting the first of the next month and a claim of 1,2 million dollars." Alex says.

Olivia's jaw hits the floor and it's silent in Liz's office for about 30 seconds. Olivia is clearly overwhelmed with the second part of the deal Alex got for her. After 30 seconds Olivia shakes her head in an attempt to get it clear before she looks at Liz and then back at Alex.

"I don't know what to say besides thank you, Lex. Thank you so much. I owe you big time." Olivia says.

"No you don't. You had my back and saved me or my life more times than I can count on two hands, Liv. If anything I owed you. I just made sure that you are getting what you deserve and helped you to be able to do what you want. Anyway, I haven't had this much fun in a long time. It was nice to be toying with them and make them squirm." Alex smiles.

"I hate to break in but we need to go to Petrovsky's chambers now if we want to be there in time." Liz says, getting up.

Alex and Olivia get up and the three women go to the courthouse. Half an hour after they went into Petrovsky's chambers everyone is out again. Petrovsky, of course, allowed the deal and she made sure that every part of it is taken care of. Everybody is relieved for different reasons. Olivia, Alex and Liz are happy with the deal they could make and are relieved that Olivia didn't have to go to trial and testify. Petersen, Collins and Vain are relieved that they could make this deal instead of getting their asses kicked in court and lose more than they are losing now. On their way back to her office Liz calls Cragen and tells him that they will be ready in half an hour. She asks him if he is able to make it to her office by then. Cragen tells her that he'll be there in half an hour. When the three women walk by Alex's and Olivia's favorite coffee shop the Detective stops them and tells the two women that she goes inside to buy them all a cup of coffee and some donuts and cupcakes to celebrate the deal.

"What do you want Liz?" Olivia asks.

"Latte Macchiato, extra sugar, please." Liz answers.

"Alright, Latte Macchiato is coming up. Excuse me ladies, I'll be right back." Olivia says.

When Olivia walks inside the coffee shop Liz raises an eyebrow at Alex.

"How many times have you two been here together that Olivia doesn't need to ask what you want, Alexandra?" Liz asks.

"I lost count after the first two years of working with SVU as their ADA to be honest. Although there are a few choices I like to drink from here, somehow Liv always knows what I want without asking, every single time." Alex answers while getting as red as a tomato.

Liz only smiles knowingly at Alex before she turns her head and looks inside the coffee shop. Not surprised to see Olivia standing inside in a way that she can see both the counter inside and Alex outside. She realizes that the Detective probably doesn't even notice what she's doing. Liz turns back to look at Alex.

"Is she always so protective of you?" Liz asks pointing at Olivia with her head.

Alex looks inside and smiles as she sees how Olivia is standing. The younger blonde turns her head back and looks at Liz a bit uncomfortable.

"This nothing. She doesn't even know that she's doing it. You should her when we are in an interrogation room. I never have to worry to get attacked or someone trying to attempt it when she is in there with me. I wasn't lying Liz when I said that she saved me or my life more times than I can count on two hands. That's all I want to say about this or Liv." Alex says firmly.

"Alright, no more talking about Detective Benson for now." Liz says, pulling her hand up in surrender.

They left it with that and wait for Olivia to come outside. When Olivia gets outside the three women start walking again and Olivia gives Liz a glare but she doesn't say anything. Not that she need to, Liz knows what the glare means and inside she is happy that Alex has found someone that cares for her as much as Olivia does. Hoping that they would get their head out of their asses, not knowing that the two already did that. 5 minutes after they got back at Liz's office Cragen arrives and Olivia hands him his cup of coffee and let him choose between the donuts and cupcakes although she knows what he wants. Cragen says that he assumes that Olivia got a deal since they were drinking good coffee and eating donuts. Olivia tells him with proud in her voice about the deal Alex got for her. The four of them talked about how Alex wiped the floor with Petersen and the two other men for a couple of minutes before Liz told them to get back to business.

"Although with the deal Cabot got you don't have to work again if you invest your money properly but somehow I don't think that's what you want to do. So we still need to talk about the time the two of you are taking off. Am I right?" Liz asks.

"Yes you are. I'm a cop and while I have a lot to think about, need to make difficult choices and have to recover from my surgery physically and mentally, being a cop isn't one of them." Olivia answers.

"Alright. Now there are two things we can do in my opinion. Feel free to say it if I am wrong, Don." Liz says.

Cragen nods at Liz and the older blonde continues.

"The first option is make 1 PP and the DA happy and use the many, many sick days and vacation days the two of you have left. I don't know about Detective Benson but Alexandra has about 2 years give or take a few weeks. The second option is to take an leave of absence." Liz says.

Olivia blushes when she hears how many days Alex has left. She doesn't know exactly how many days she has left but she's sure that it's more than the blonde ADA has.

"Uhm Cap. how many days do I have left? I don't know exactly how many but I know it's more than Alex." Olivia asks sheepishly.

"That's an understatement Benson. At the last count you had close to 5 years left." Cragen answers shaking his head.

Although Alex is a bit surprised but she isn't as surprised as Liz is. The EDEA is almost shocked.

"When was the last time you took a sick day or a day off Detective?" Liz asks.

"Took or ordered? Took, I can't remember. Ordered, 3 days ago when I got hit by a car at the first day of the two I needed to take. And the first and the last time I actually did as I was being told. I can tell you that." Olivia answers.

"Besides the way how we are going to take said days, what are you going to do now that I'm going away, Liz?" Alex asks.

"Well, I saw this coming three days ago and I made a few phone calls to get your time covered. The last thing I wanted was to get a replacement that knows shit about prosecuting cases for SVU. If I learned something in the years behind us it is that not every one can handle it and that for a unit as SVU it's necessary to have someone who can handle it and is strictly assigned to SVU. Don't worry, you'll still be SVU's ADA when you come back. You just share your docket with someone else and you're the first chair when you come back. Now I won't keep you all waiting the new ADA, or coming back ADA I should say, is Abby Carmichael. She wanted to come back to NY and she was more than pleased to be able to work with you two when you come back. The case load is big enough for the both of you." Liz answers.

Although Cragen, Alex and Olivia are surprised to hear that the Texan is coming back, the three of them are happy and pleased that it's Abby who will be prosecuting for SVU when Alex is away. After they all told Liz how happy they are turns Alex to Olivia.

"Liv, I have an idea. How about we take 3 weeks for certain and after that we call in every week if we want to add another one or not? If that's alright with Liz and Cragen of course." Alex asks.

Olivia looks at Cragen who just nods at the brunette Detective.

"If Liz is alright with it I think it's a good idea. But I have to take 6 weeks for certain, I refuse to go on desk duty and Doc said that I may not use my arm for 6 weeks and I need to recover from the surgery too. I don't say you need to take that many too, it's just information." Olivia answers.

"Detective, you and Alexandra can take 6 weeks and still go with the idea. You both have more days than you know what to do with if you are both working normally. I say take 6 weeks and we'll talk after that if we're going to call every week after that or the two of you are coming back. Don?" Liz says.

"I agree with Liz. As long as we don't get any trouble from above that the two of us can't handle I would say take as long as you want and can without getting crazy and fight like cats and dogs." Cragen answers smiling.

"6 weeks is fine with me. Liv?" Alex asks.

When Alex looks aside at Olivia she sees a certain look in the Detective's eyes. She's pretty sure the others don't see it but Alex does and she knows that Olivia is about to take a run.

"Alright. 6 weeks it is. Now I go to the restroom and after that we should leave, Alex. Before they change their minds. They are way too easy if you ask me. Alex, can you help me up, please? I really need to go to the restroom." Olivia asks.

Alex stands up and helps Olive out of the chair.

"Thank you for what you have done for me Liz. You know how to reach us. Thank you Cap. for giving me the time I need. See you at the restroom, Lex." Olivia says.

Olivia turns around and walks out of Liz's office as fast as she can. Leaving Liz and Cragen confused behind.

"How stupid do you think she is? She's a Detective for heaven's sake. Did you really think she wouldn't figure out what the two of you are doing? She's gonna run and you better hope that I'm able to chase and catch her because we all know she has a better stamina." Alex chastise.

"Alexandra what are you talking about?" Liz asks confused.

"Don't! Don't try to insult me. I'm not that stupid neither. She knows that you two are trying to get the two of us together. And with doing that you freaked her out and made her run. Are there any restrictions for us being involved, should that happen? Don't answer that now. Mail me what they are or how we need to handle things. I need to go and try to stop Liv." Alex growls.

Alex quickly stands up and walks to the door when Liz calls out.

"I'm sorry Alex, we didn't want this to happen." Liz says.

Alex turns her head back with the door handle in her hand.

"Sorry is not good enough if I won't be able to get her back!" Alex sneers.

Alex turns her head back and walks out of Liz's office slamming the door hard behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N I'm happy that I'm able to write for this story. It's the only one at the moment. I hope for the readers of my other stories that I will be able to write for them again in the near future. Until then I hope I will reach y'all with this story.**

**Warning: there will be talked about violence in this chapter.**

Chapter 11

"**Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." - Tori Amos**

Alex quickly walks to restrooms at the other side of the hallway after she left Liz's office. Cursing Liz and Cragen under her breath while she walks. When she arrives at the restrooms she knocks on the door before she opens the door and walks inside. When she sees Olivia leaning against the sink with her head down she slowly walks to the brunette.

"Are you alright, Liv?" Alex asks.

Olivia looks up and looks at Alex. Even though Alex tries to hide it Olivia can see a bit of fear in the cerulean eyes.

"Don't worry Lex, I was not running away from you, I freaked out and was running away from them. I meant it when I said I'm all in. I don't know how things will go from here, because there is a lot I need to decide about but being with you isn't one of them. I'm sorry if I scared you in there, I'm just edgy with everything that's going on and happened." Olivia answers.

"I know. I'm afraid that I didn't do anything to help you though. I chewed their asses off after you left and Liz tried to apologize for what they were doing but I wouldn't have it so I might just have outed us to them. I said to Liz that sorry wasn't going to be good enough if I wouldn't be able to get you back. I'm sorry Liv, I didn't want to do this without talking about it with you but I let anger get the best of me." Alex says softly.

"It's alright Alex. I knew you would chew off their asses when I left. I would have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed. We have, or I have other things to worry about. Yes, I would have liked it if we could have waited and just keep us to ourselves for awhile but I would have done the same and knowing me I probably would have done more than a little ass chewing." Olivia says with a small smile.

"Yes you would probably have done that. But we still can keep it to ourselves Liv. They're not gonna tell anyone. I know you are even a more private person than I am, we can go on your pace. I would like to keep it quiet for a while too actually. Now how about we go back to the Cabin now and take some rest when we're there?" Alex asks while putting and arm around Olivia.

Olivia flinched at the body contact. She could keep herself from freezing on the spot and hoped that Alex didn't notice it. But Alex noticed it, like she had done all the other times Olivia had flinched in the past days Never mentioned it because she thought that it could have to do with the threat of a trial. But now she knows that it isn't the case and figures it has to do with the hysterectomy.

"Still a bit on the edge from the surgery too? You're safe with me Liv, I won't do anything to harm you." Alex asks softly while pulling back her arm.

"Yeah, I am. Sorry." Olivia lied.

Olivia felt guilty about lying to the blonde but she couldn't tell her the truth. She just couldn't. Alex would blame herself for it. The Detective lowed herself for not coming forward but she couldn't bare the thought of Alex knowing what happened or more why it happened so she kept her mouth shut.

"It takes time, I get that. So ready to go back?" Alex asks gently.

"Yes. Let's go." Olivia answers.

The two women walk out the restroom and down the hallway to the elevator. When the elevator opens both women are pleasantly surprised when a certain lanky brunette steps out of it.

"Already here to take my place huh, Carmichael?" Alex jokes while pulling the Texan in a bear hug.

"Like that would be possible, Cabot. No I don't go there, even I ain't able to do that." Abby laughs, hugging the blonde back.

"So Detective Badass I heard that the Ice Queen here got you a good deal huh?" Abby asks while lightly hugging Olivia.

"Yeah you got that right." Olivia answers.

Olivia flinched again and Abby let go of the Detective. Abby looked at Olivia and by the way she was looking at her Olivia knows that Abby knows what happened. It was the knowing look that survivors have in their eyes when they recognize it.

"How?" Olivia asks.

Knowing she didn't need to ask more than that.

"You remember, Devoney?" Abby asks softly.

Hearing the name of the guard Olivia's head shot up. How did she know and how did Abby know? The reason that Olivia was ordered to take two days off was because of the case a few days prior the day Olivia got admitted the hospital. The squad had been on an undercover operation that went wrong when Narcotics from a different precinct came busting into the club where they were undercover. Some over enthusiastically rookie who wanted to proof himself had arrested Olivia and she was thrown into Rikers before the others had noticed that Olivia wasn't there anymore. Without her ID, badge or service weapon they hadn't believed her when she told them she was a Detective at central booking. And it had taken the other Detectives a while before they had located the brunette.

"Yes." Olivia answers softly looking down on the floor.

"She called me Olivia, asking me for help after she heard that I was coming back to NY. Someone told her about it. I'm sorry Liv." Abby says.

"Damn it." Olivia curses.

She knows that her secret will come out. If the guard called Abby it would be only a matter of time before Cragen and the DA's office would know it. And that means that Alex will find it too and probably not by Olivia telling her. Alex looks from one brunette to the other and she knows something is wrong. She can see that without many words Abby and Olivia understood each other and she didn't like it at all. Not because she could be jealous but because something happened and what ever it was the two of them understood each other for it.

"Liv, Abs, what's going here?" Alex asks carefully.

"Lex, there is something I need to tell you but.." Olivia says but she gets interrupted by cellphones going off.

At the worst time possible for the Detective Alex's and her cellphone are going off. Olivia looks at Abby while she picks up her phone. And the new ADA hears her friends saying that they will be right back and Olivia saying that it won't be necessary because she was standing next to her. 10 seconds after their cellphones went of the trio is on their way back to Liz's office.

"Liv what did you do?" Alex asks.

Olivia looks straight into Alex's eyes when she answers that question.

"It's not what I did do, it's what I didn't do but I'm sure you will find that out very soon. I'm sorry that I'm not that one you'll hear it from, probably." Olivia answers softly.

Of course this raises more questions for the blonde ADA but she has a feeling that she indeed will find the answers to her questions in the next couple of minutes. Alex takes another look at Abby and Olivia and knows that what ever it was, it was bad and that worries the younger woman. 5 minutes after they left Liz's office Alex and Olivia are back in front of it and Alex knocks on the door waiting for Liz answering that the can come inside. Which of course follows immediately after Alex knocked. Alex opens the door and the three women walk inside behind each other with Abby as the last one and she closes the door behind her. Alex and Olivia take place in the seats the recently had left and Abby walks next to Olivia and stands aside of the Detective. Liz and Cragen look at Olivia and they both know that what they just heard is the truth. They look at Abby and Alex and they instantly know that Abby knows it too but that Alex has no clue of what's going on. Liz takes a deep breath before she speaks up.

"It was you Detective, wasn't it? It was you on the videotape they have, wasn't it?" Liz asks softly.

Olivia bows her head while answering the questions.

"Yes it was me. I didn't... I didn't know there was a video camera... recording it." Olivia whispers.

"Why didn't you tell it? Later I mean." Liz asks gently, not judging Olivia.

"Alex." Olivia simply answers.

"What happened? What are you talking about? What videotape and what's on it?" Alex asks worried.

Liz looks at Olivia silently asking if she needs to tell it but Olivia shakes her head. Even though she didn't want Alex to find it out at all or like this, at least she can try to tell the blonde it herself. Olivia looks at Abby who nods and slowly lowers her hand, so Olivia sees it, and squeezes her shoulder softly before she lets go. Olivia looks at Alex after Abby let go of her hand but when she sees the worried look in her girlfriend's eyes she hesitates. Not sure how to tell the blonde what happened, not wanting to see the guilt in those beautiful eyes once she's finished. Not wanting to tell it because she can't pretend that nothing happened anymore. Taking a deep breath Olivia starts talking hoping that the blonde still loves her and wants her after she knows the truth.

"You know about our undercover operation that went wrong and that I was thrown in jail. What you don't know is that they locked me up in the same place where Jack Barbara was. He wanted revenge for you throwing him in jail. But like I said, I didn't know they were surveying the place with video camera's, that they have it on tape." Olivia answers.

All the air is sucked out of Alex's lungs when Olivia spoke to her. She has the terrible feeling that she knows what happened in there, what's on the tape. What he did to Olivia, to her girlfriend, to get revenge for getting thrown in jail because she put him there. Olivia being trapped, not able to call out for help because he would tell everyone that she's a cop. That he probably threatened her that he would say or scream that she was cop if she made a sound or screamed for help.

"What... what did he do to you, Liv?" Alex asks, the fear clearly in her voice.

Olivia looks away from Alex's eyes and looks at the floor. She doesn't want to see her eyes when she tells it.

"He... he raped...me." Olivia chokes out softly.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"**Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."- Lao Tzu**

"_What... what did he do to you, Liv?" Alex asks, the fear clearly in her voice._

_Olivia looks away from Alex's eyes and looks at the floor. She doesn't want to see her eyes when she tells it._

"_He... he raped...me." Olivia chokes out softly. _

After saying it out loud Olivia can't keep it together anymore. For 4 days she pretended nothing happened, tried to block it out of her mind. But there was no more hiding now. Alex knows it now, Abby does and so do Cragen and Liz. Alex who is sitting next to Olivia is completely devastated herself. Those three words hanging above their heads like a black cloud, hanging above everyone in the room. It breaks Liz's and Cragen's hearts to see the two women in front of them in so much pain and misery. Two women they both care deeply for. And except for Alex the others knew what happened but hearing Olivia say it was a stab into all their hearts. Alex doesn't know what to do. She desperately wants to hold the Detective in her arms but she is afraid to do it. The blonde attorney feels like she doesn't have that right anymore. Feels incredibly guilty and feels like it's her fault that her Olivia was raped. She sent Barbara to Rikers, she authorized the undercover operation that went wrong and had lead to Olivia's arrest and being thrown into Rikers. Despite what she is feeling she has to try to be there for Olivia and hopes that the Detective allows her that even if she herself thinks she doesn't deserve to be around her now. Alex feels the tears are running over her cheeks, she gets up from her chair turns to Olivia and stands in front of her. Alex holds out her hands to Olivia.

"May I hold you Liv? I know that I don't deserve it but please let me hold you." Alex asks with a small voice.

Olivia looks up and sees the pain she feels herself rejected in Alex's eyes. She sees the guilt Alex feels in her eyes. And that the younger woman barely holds it together just like herself. She slowly reaches to one of the hands that Alex is holding in front of her and let the blonde help her up and then they throw themselves in each others arms.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry." Alex whispers.

"It's not your fault, Lex." Olivia whispers.

Finally Olivia allows herself to let go and breaks down. The Detective knees are giving out and Alex holds Olivia in her arms and slowly lowers them to the floor till they sit down. Taking Olivia in her arms Alex doesn't care that they are not alone and breaks down with Olivia. They hold each other like their lives depends on it. With tears in her own eyes Abby looks at Liz and Cragen and nods with her head in the direction to the door of Liz's office. Both Liz and Cragen nod and stand up. Quietly the three walk out of Liz's office to give Alex and Olivia some privacy together.

Half an hour after they left, Abby, Cragen and Liz are back in Liz's office. Alex and Olivia have composed themselves a bit. Olivia knows that she has to step forwards and report that she's being raped. Liz told them that Abby is prosecuting Olivia's case. Knowing that the Detective would be more comfortable with the Texan prosecuting it. While Abby was taking Olivia's statement Alex was sitting with Liz and Cragen, beating herself up. Liz and Cragen tried to get the young ADA stop blaming herself but without any luck. Somewhere deep down inside rationally she knows that she couldn't prevent it but that's clearly not what's on the surface. Cragen decided to take the case himself this time and not to assign it to one of the other Detectives. Knowing that Olivia doesn't want anyone else to see the videotape and neither does he. It would be hard enough for Olivia that Abby and he himself would see it along with everyone else involved for the trial probably. All together they had decided against a speedy trial and they're hoping that Barbara's lawyer wouldn't file a motion for it so that Olivia and Abby would have more time to prep the Detective for the trial. More time to try to deal with the aftermath of everything that happened in the past week, even if it's a little bit. Yes Olivia is glad that she couldn't be pregnant like her mother but the price she paid for that was high no matter how great the deal is that Alex got her. It had turned her world upside down not once but twice and in certain way with her world turned upside down Alex's world too. Abby had received the recording later that afternoon and she putted it in her purse to watch it in private, she didn't want someone walk into her office and see it.

It's 4 PM and both Alex and Olivia are exhausted. They just arrived back at the cabin. They sit down on the couch with a cup of tea. After they finished drinking their tea Olivia turns to look at Alex.

"Alex can you help me change in some comfortable clothes? And I would like to lie down for a while." Olivia asks.

"Yes of course. How about we get you changed and then you go lay down till dinner? I'll take a brief nap myself and make dinner after that so we can have it around 6 PM." Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. Will you come and lay down next to me? I feel better when you're around me." Olivia asks shyly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea after last night, well early this morning?" Alex asks.

"I will flinch Alex, we both know that will happen, I will have nightmares, it's inevitable. Hell I'll probably will get flashbacks. Now there will be triggers which we need to learn and try to avoid but to get over what happened I'll need you at my side whether I'll admit it to you and myself or not. So is it a good idea? We'll find that out when I wake up. Does it mean that we're not doing it? No it does not. There's only one person who can help me or get out of nightmares and flashbacks and that's you. So long answer short, yes I'm sure." Olivia answers, looking straight in Alex's eyes.

Hearing out loud what she knew will come, deep down inside, Alex tears up again. Turning her head away with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Liv. It's my fault you were raped. I'm so so sorry." Alex whispers.

"Lex, honey, look at me please." Olivia says softly.

For a few moments Alex hesitates but then she slowly turns back her head and looks at Olivia. The Detective's heart breaks when she sees the quilt and pain in the blonde's eyes.

"You listen to me Alexandra Cabot. This is not your fault. Let me finish before you start talking." Olivia says softly.

Alex nods at Olivia not trusting her voice to speak. Olivia takes a deep breath and reaches for Alex's hand with her own and squeezes it softly before she let go again.

"It is not your fault nor do I blame you for what happened. You shouldn't either but I know that's not gonna happen. You didn't fuck up our undercover op, you didn't arrest me, you didn't lock me up with him and most certainly you didn't rape me. Narcotics screwed it up. Healy arrested me. And who ever was in charge in Rikers locked a rapist up with the others and me because apparently the holding cells were full. In non of this were you a participating party. You have nothing to be sorry for Alex, nothing. We can't change the past, we can't erase what happened. What we can do is try to recover from it the best we, yes we, can. This effects you, traumatizes you as much as it does for me. Why? Because you care for me, deeply. That's why. And I refuse to let you destroy yourself for this. It will be hard enough for the both of us without me needing to kick your ass. Understood, Counselor?" Olivia asks softly but firmly.

"I should be there for you Liv, not the other way around." Alex answers.

"Yeah well don't worry about that, you'll need to be there for me more than we both can count. But you didn't answer the question." Olivia says.

"Yes, loud and clear. And for the record, I don't agree with it but I understand it." Alex answers.

"I can't recall asking you to agree with it. Now let's go Blondie, I'm tired and sore." Olivia says.

"Alright. But I want to lay down in my own bed if that's alright with you. Don't agree to please me." Alex says.

"I won't. If you're more comfortable laying down in your own bed that's where we go. If for any reason I don't want it anymore I'll tell you it. Deal?" Olivia asks.

"Deal, Detective. Let me help you up." Alex answers.

Alex stands up and holds out her hands to help Olivia up. Once the Detective is standing the two women walk to the guestroom to change Olivia's clothes and then they walk to Alex's bedroom. Alex quickly changes into some comfortable clothes herself and when both ladies are dressed in tank tops and shorts the younger blonde helps the brunette into her bed before she walks around the bed and lays down on her own side of the bed. Keeping as much space between them as she can. Not long after they were lying in bed both women fall asleep.

It's 5 30 PM when Abby decides to call it a day and go to Olivia's apartment where she'll be staying till she finds an apartment. The Detective offered her to stay there since she's at Alex's cabin. Abby cleans up her desk and takes her purse and coat and locks up her office before she leaves. An hour later Abby finishes her dinner that she picked up around the corner of Olivia's street. She cleans up and takes the videotape out her purse and puts it in the VCR before sitting down on the couch. The tall brunette takes a deep breath before she hits the play button on the remote. Half way through the tape Abby needs to hit the pause button because she's getting sick. She runs to the bathroom just in time and empties her stomach in the toilet. Yes the brunette ADA knows what happened but knowing it and seeing what happened to your friend are two different stories. After her stomach finally calms down Abby gets up and brushes her teeth before she returns to the living room to watch the rest of the tape. As soon as she finished watching the tape Abby pulls out her cellphone to make a couple of calls.

Alex and Olivia are still sound asleep when they wake up from Alex's cellphone ringing hours later after they went to bed to take a nap. Alex reaches for her cellphone on the night stand and picks up.

"Cabot." Alex says with a husky voice.

"Alex, it's Abby. I'm sorry to wake you up." Abby says.

"That's alright. What time is it?" Alex asks.

"It's 7.30 pm. Is Olivia awake and could you get her on the phone if she's awake or put on the speaker?" Abby asks.

"7.30 pm damn. Liv's awake now too and she's here so I'll put on the speaker." Alex answers.

Alex puts her phone on the speaker while she mouths 'Abby' at Olivia.

"Alright, you're on the speaker Abs." Alex says.

Abby isn't surprised that Olivia is next to Alex wherever they fell asleep. She knows how it can help to have someone you trust next to you when you're going to sleep with what happened.

"Is something wrong or did something happened?" Olivia asks.

"No nothing happened. I just was on the phone with Liz and we decided it's for the best to split up the case. It does mean that you have to testify twice." Abby answers.

"Why? I mean why did the two of you change your minds?" Olivia asks.

Abby inhales deeply before she answers the question. Alex and Olivia hear her and look at each other worried.

"Liv, I saw the tape. I was alone when I did it." Abby answers softly.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"**There is no person that love cannot heal; there is no soul love cannot save." - Carlos Santana.**

"_Liv, I saw the tape. I was alone when I did it." Abby answers softly._

It was silent for a second or two.

"Oh shit." Olivia mumbles softly.

But Abby heard it.

"Yeah, oh shit. I think it's safe to say that you know why we split up the case, don't you Liv?" Abby asks carefully.

"Yes I do. Did the cap see it?" Olivia asks worried.

"No he didn't, not yet. " Abby answers.

Alex looks at Olivia and then at her cellphone. She knows that she can't see Abby but she looks anyway.

"Can one of the two of you tell me what's going on? What's on that tape?" Alex asks anxiously.

"I don't want him to see it, Abs. I hate it that you saw it." Olivia says.

"You know he will, Liv. You know that he's not the only one who will see it. There's nothing I can do about that. I'm sorry Liv. I really am. How much did you tell Alex?" Abby asks.

Olivia looks at Alex briefly with a deer looking in the headlights look before she looks away and avoids the blonde's eyes.

"Nothing." Olivia almost whispers.

"Nothing?! Damn Olivia. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Do you want me to tell Alex or do you want to do it yourself. And neither is not an option. You can take your time to tell her if you want to do it yourself but my advice is to tell her it before the trial starts." Abby asks.

"I know. Do you have it with you at my place?" Olivia asks.

"Yes. Why?" Abby asks.

Olivia takes a deep breath before she speaks again.

"Alright. I'm gonna talk with Alex tonight. And you are right about the fact that more people will see it. Can you call back in a minute or two Abs? I need to talk about something with Alex before I ask you something." Olivia asks.

"Sure. I call ya back in two." Abby answers and ends the call.

"Liv, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready for it. I won't push you." Alex says softly.

"Yes I do Lex. I don't want you to find it out at the trial. I can't do that alone. And yes, I'm afraid and scared like hell that I'll lose you after you know it or have seen the damn tape. But Abby is right, you'll see it at the trial anyway along with everyone else in the courtroom. I can't do that to you. I can't do that to me. And I have to trust your word like I always have and always will about anything else. I have to trust you that you won't leave me. Even if I don't believe it right now." Olivia says.

"Alright, if you're sure we'll talk about it tonight. But you can take as much time as need. We don't have to finish it tonight, Liv. What is it that you need to talk about with me?" Alex asks.

"Would you mind going to the City tomorrow if Abby has no other plans? You could see the tape at my apartment then. I know I have to take things easy but I don't see any other option. As soon as Abby presses charges against the son of a bitch it's out of our hands how much time we have till the trial. And I don't think she'll wait till after the weekend." Olivia asks.

Alex thinks about it for a few of moments.

"How about we ask her to come here tomorrow? If it's not necessary I don't want you to travel too much. We already went two days in a row. I know Abs won't tell anyone about this place and you need to prep for both trials with her. If his lawyer asks for a speedy trial it could mean you have to go to trial next week for either case. Tomorrow is Friday so why don't we ask her to come here after work and if you're alright with it she could stay for the night and leave Saturday. I can see the tape and the two of you could prep for your trial." Alex proposes.

"Alex, no. You don't have to do this! I know you're right about traveling but I don't want this place to be a walk-in-house. Till yesterday you didn't have anyone else beside yourself here." Olivia answers.

"Liv your health is more important to me than not inviting Abby here. It's just for this one time. Unless you don't want her to be here I really don't have a problem with it." Alex says.

"Are you absolutely sure, Alex?" Olivia asks.

"Yes I am." Alex says firmly but with a soft tone in her voice.

Olivia sighs and looks in Alex's eyes for a few seconds.

"Alright, let's asks her to come here. But it will be an exception. I don't want anyone else not even Abby come here for me after this one time." Olivia says.

"Deal. Just this one time." Alex says.

The two minutes went faster than they thought. In fact Abby gave them five minutes before she calls back just when Olivia wants to react. Alex picks up after checking who it is and puts her cellphone on the speaker immediately.

"Hey Tex, you're on the speaker already." Alex says.

"Are you two finished talking?" Abby asks.

"We almost were but the rest can wait. Do you have any plans for tomorrow evening or Saturday morning?" Olivia asks.

"No not really. Why?" Abby asks.

"We would like to ask you to come to Alex's cabin tomorrow after work and to bring the tape with you so that Alex could see it. And the two of us could prep for my trial. It's just this one time and only because I've been traveling for two days in row. And you can't say it to anyone where it is. I know I can trust you, we can trust you, but this is Alex's secret heaven and I don't want anyone else knows about it. I'm sure you'll understand that. Anyway do you want to do that? If necessary you can stay for the night." Olivia asks.

"Of course I can do that. Alex is right about you not traveling again tomorrow. I know you didn't say that but I also know that Alex is the one saying that you shouldn't travel again tomorrow. You're too stubborn to ask for it yourself. But are you sure it's alright for me to come there Alex?" Abby asks.

"What is with brunettes and asking if I'm sure? Yes I'm sure otherwise I wouldn't have proposed it. I'll text you the address later." Alex answers.

"Alright. I'll let you know when I'm leaving the City. I think it will be late afternoon or early evening. It depends on how busy I am tomorrow and how fast things go." Abby says.

"That's fine. Don't grab something on your way here, we can eat together when you're here." Alex says.

"That would be great. Alright I'll leave you two alone for now. See ya tomorrow." Abby says.

"See you tomorrow Tex. Bye." Olivia says.

"Try to relax tonight, Carmichael. See you tomorrow." Alex says.

"That goes for the both of ya too, Cabot. Bye." Abby answers and ends the call.

Alex looks at her watch and sees it's 8 PM.

"How about I'm gonna make us dinner? I know I'm not the chef between the two of us, as we both know, but mac 'n cheese should go right without setting the kitchen on fire." Alex asks jokingly, as she stands up.

"Alright. Don't make too much though, I'm not hungry." Olivia answers.

Alex sits back on the edge of the bed.

"Liv, we don't have to do this tonight. I know you're not hungry because of you're afraid of what will happen after we talked. I also know you want to do this tonight so I'm gonna make dinner now so that it's ready and then we go talk first. We reheat it when we're done. If you don't wanna eat that's fine, I'm not gonna push it down your throat. I can reheat it just for me if that's the case." Alex says.

"Lex, you don't have to wait just because I'm not hungry. I can eat after we talked if I want to eat then." Olivia says.

"I don't mind to wait. I'd rather wait and eat with you later if you're up to it then. And before you ask, yes I'm sure." Alex answers.

"Ok. You make dinner first and we'll eat after we're done." Olivia agrees.

"Do you want to come and sit with me while I'll cook or do you want to wait here and I come and get you when I'm done?" Alex asks.

"I'd like to wait in the living room on the couch. I thought we could talk there." Olivia answers.

"Ok. Let's get you up then." Alex says.

Alex stands up again and helps Olivia to get up and the two of them walk to the living room. Alex helps Olivia to get comfortable on the couch. The kitchen is in the same area as the living room. After Olivia is seated Alex walks to the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen to get ready the blonde changes her mind and walks back to Olivia and looks into her brown eyes.

"I'm proud of you Olivia Benson. I know how hard it is for you to open up to people, even to me. But in what must be one of the hardest times of your life you're trying to let me in and trust me. I promise that I won't betray your trust. Nothing can chase me away from you or make me leave you. I won't leave you unless it's you who's asking me it. It would destroy me and break my heart in a million pieces for ever but I would respect your wish and do it." Alex says.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter contains a graphic description of sexual assault. **

**I know that reading about a sexual assault can be traumatic. I suggest that if this to hard to read, which is perfectly understandable in my opinion, it might be better to skip this chapter from the moment that part starts. It will be clear when that happens.**

Chapter 14

"**I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Theresa.**

After Alex was finished Olivia had the tears in her eyes. How is it possible that this wonderful, intelligent and caring woman chose her? Olivia can't believe the words she just heard.

"Do you really mean this?" Olivia asks softly.

"Yes I do. Do you think I pour my heart out like this with everyone? I don't. You are the only one. So you better believe every single word of it, Detective." Alex smiles.

"Sorry, stupid question. Thank you Alex, this means so much to me. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess." Olivia says.

"You may confused and scared or maybe you are a bit of mess right now. Which is completely understandable but you're still my mess Olivia Benson. And in case you haven't noticed it I care deeply for you." Alex says.

"That I am, Counselor. That I am. You mean everything to me, Lex. I'm incredibly lucky that a woman such as yourself chooses me to be her girlfriend. I care for you too very much Alexandra Cabot." Olivia replies.

Brown eyes stare intensely into blue ones. Trying to say what can't be said out loud yet. The women look into each others eyes for about a minute till Olivia shyly looks away.

"How about you make that dinner you were talking about, Counselor? And be careful I'm not able to get us out or use the fire distinguisher." Olivia jokes, switching the subject.

"What, you can't use it with one hand? You disappoint me Detective. I thought you could manage such a simple task with one hand." Alex teases.

"Oh I can do a lot of things with one hand, Counselor. Especially with my right hand." Olivia winks.

Alex smiles and shakes her head before she gets up and walks back to the kitchen. While Alex makes their dinner the two of them have a light conversation. Olivia is checking the blonde out more than once but Alex acts like she doesn't notice it. Of course the blonde attorney feels the Detective's eyes on her and secretly she is happy with it. That Olivia is able to do small things like this at this moment. 20 minutes later Alex is done and cleans up the kitchen first.

"Do you still want to wait till after we're done talking for tonight?" Alex asks.

"Although it smells delicious Alex, I think it's for the best to wait. It would be a waist of it if we can't keep it down. So I think we should wait with eating our dinner." Olivia answers.

"Charmer. Fine we'll wait. I let it cool off before I put it in the refrigerator. Do you want a cup of tea or coffee, or something else to drink?" Alex asks.

"Do you have the same coffee here as you have at your apartment?" Olivia asks hopefully.

"Yes of course. It's worse enough I have to drink that crap they call coffee at the office or what ever it is that Munch makes. I would be stupid to drink something else here too." Alex answers.

"Amen to that. Well in that case I would die for a cup of coffee." Olivia smiles.

"Coffee it is." Alex says.

A few minutes later Alex walks with two steaming cups of coffee to the couch and hands one to Olivia before she sits down next to the Detective. Olivia takes a sip and moans.

"Sorry for that. I just really missed your coffee the past week." Olivia says shyly.

"Yeah I can hear that." Alex says dryly.

"You're just jealous at my cup of coffee." Olivia counters.

"I have my own cup, thank you very much. Anyway how do want to do this? Do you want me to ask you questions to start with till you're ready to take over or do you want to tell me what happened and we'll go from there? Remember we can stop whenever you want and I know you're scared of losing me when I know it but that's not gonna happen." Alex asks.

"I'm not scared of losing you because of what happened, Lex. I'm scared I'll lose you because of what I didn't do. I'm a damn decorated Detective. I should have defended myself, I should have fight back and keep him of me or try to at least. I didn't do that, I did nothing, I just let it happen. Some cop I am. I'm afraid of losing you because I was weak, am weak and joke of cop." Olivia answers softly.

"You didn't just let it happen, Olivia. Now I don't know what happened exactly, yet, but I do know that you didn't 'just' let it happen. You weren't alone with him. There were others too. You didn't have a choice you did the best thing you could do because you are a Detective. A damn good one! Don't say that you were weak or are weak because that's so not true. You are the strongest person I know. So don't blame yourself for what happened to you. You told me not to blame myself, that it wasn't my fault. Don't start blaming yourself because it certainly wasn't your fault. And to get it out of the way right now, I'd rather kill myself than leave you for what you think is wrong. I told you before, nothing and I mean NOTHING can make me leave you. Now tell me how you want to do this." Alex says.

"I should have known that you would say this. But is does make me feel better, relieved. I think that I want to try to tell you what happened first. If I can't do it maybe you could ask me questions. Like, I don't know, maybe pretend we're prepping for trial or something like that." Olivia says.

"That's ok. Take your time, there's no rush or time limit." Alex says softly.

Olivia drinks her coffee slowly trying to get the courage to start telling Alex what happened that dark day almost a week ago. Alex waits patiently drinking her own coffee. The blonde knows how hard it is for a victim to tell their story. Knowing that telling your story to your girlfriend doesn't make it easier, if anything it probably makes it even harder to tell it. As Olivia finishes her cup she puts it in front of her on the coffee table and takes a deep breath before she leans back.

"When we arrived at central booking I told the guards there that I'm a Detective. That I shouldn't have been arrested because I was on duty and doing my job. They laughed in my face and said that either I was high or drunk or maybe both because they didn't believe for one second that I was a Detective. They said that if I was a Detective I should have had my badge and gun with me, since I didn't wear them I was lying and make up a story. I told them to check my name and badge number and that they would see that I was telling the truth. But they said that would be a waist of their time and that they had better things to do because I surely would have given them a fake name and badge number. They strip searched me and put back on the cuffs and walked me to a holding cell for multiple persons. When they threw me inside they said that all the holding cells were 'full' and that there was no other cell where they could hold me so that I just needed to suck it up and stay there. With that they closed the cell and left me with 3 guys. They weren't that bad. Sure they made some dirty comments and catcalls, stuff like that but they didn't touch me or threatened me. I went to the back of the cell and kept quiet minding my own business. About 10 minutes after they'd locked me up the opened the cell and threw in another guy. I looked up and I froze. It was Barbara they threw inside. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't speak up, I couldn't make a scene. So far the other guys didn't know I was a Detective. When they took his cuffs off I knew I was doomed. The guards didn't believe with the booking and they wouldn't have believed me if I would say it now. When the guard locked the cell he said that they needed to behave themselves or their sentences would be extended. The other men nodded and said they would. Barbara... he smiled at the guard. He..just smiled..." Olivia says softly.

Olivia is crying and she slightly starts trembling. Alex doesn't know what emotion is the strongest inside her at the moment. She is furious that the guards didn't believe Olivia and didn't even wanted to check her name and badge number. Her heart breaks knowing how scared Olivia must have felt when they threw Barbara in the same cell. How was it possible that they had fucked it up so badly and putted a rapist in cell with woman. Yes Olivia is a Detective but she didn't have the slightest chance in a cell with 4 men. All the younger blonde does is holding her Detective in her arms and try to give her some comfort. Alex never felt so helpless and defeated before in her entire life. Even being in Witsec didn't come close to what she is feeling now. That was about herself now it's about the woman she loves. Even though they didn't say it yet Alex loves Olivia more than anything else in her life, more than life itself. And it breaks her heart seeing her girlfriend like this.

"Liv, do want to stop for now?" Alex asks softly, her voice raspier due to her own emotions.

"No, I want.. to get it out." Olivia answers softly.

"Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?" Alex asks.

"Can you hold me in your arms? Can I.. can I lay down in your arms? I want to feel.. safe again. Even if only for a moment." Olivia whispers.

"Of course. Everything I can do to help you I'll do. I'll do anything to make you feel safe again." Alex answers softly.

Alex helps Olivia to turn a bit slowly so that she can sit behind the Detective and lean against the arm of the couch. When Olivia is ready she carefully sits down behind and leans back and pulls the Detective in her arms and against her own body. At first Olivia flinches when Alex sits down behind her but as soon as Alex pulls her against her own body and puts her arms around her she leans back and relaxes a bit.

"You are so brave, Liv. I'm so proud of you. You came so far already. You're strong. I know you don't feel like it but you are. So incredibly strong and brave." Alex says softly in Olivia's ear.

Alex whispers sweet encouraging words in Olivia's ear while she softly rubs Olivia's arm and back. Slowly Olivia calms down a bit. And for the first time in a week she feels safe again. Safe in Alex's arms, knowing that the younger woman will never hurt her or harm her in any way possible. They stay like this for a few minutes when Olivia speaks again.

"I think I'm ready to continue now." Olivia says.

"Alright. Remember that your safe in my arms. Nothing can happen to you here." Alex says.

"I know. For the first time this week I feel safe again. I know that you won't hurt me, that you'll do everything you can to keep me safe." Olivia answers.

"That's right honey. I'll do everything I can to protect you and keep you safe. I'm glad that you feel safe now here with me." Alex says softly.

Olivia pulls Alex's arms a bit tighter around her. Getting strength from Alex holding her in her arms. After taking a couple of deep breath Olivia continues.

"He waited till the guard was gone. We were in the last cell of the hallway. Across my cell was another cell. There were only men in it and they were all gang members. So what ever would happen they wouldn't help. When the guard was gone he told the other guys that he and I had some unfinished business. At first the others protested but after he told them that I was a cop they stopped. One of the guys motioned to the gang members to keep an eye on the hallway. I walked back into the corner and they stood together in a line... with their backs to us. He yanked me at my arm and turned me around. Then... he putted his left hand over my mouth and kept it there squeezing me hard. With his other hand he pulled my dress up... around my waist and whispered things into my ear. He.. he went with his hand under my dress...from aside and touched me all over my body. Then he squeezed my breasts hard. I don't know how long. He pulled his hand back and pulled down my underwear a bit, not far just far enough to..." Olivia chokes out.

Olivia tries to control her breathing. Tries to push away the images that are running through her head. She tries to focus on the soft touches on her back from Alex and listens to the sooting voice of the blonde. The only thing Alex does is trying to calm down the Detective. She knows that Olivia wants to get it out. And as long as Olivia doesn't panic, stresses too much or getting a flashback Alex let her go on. Trying to block her own emotions and to be there the best she can for her girlfriend. After a few minutes it seems like Olivia is a bit more in control again and the Detective goes further with telling what happened.

"I heard him pull the button of his jeans and pull down the zipper. And I froze... I couldn't move.. I was so scared, Lex. I was so scared. I was standing there and I knew he would rape me... and there was nothing I could do, nobody would help me. All the time I was in that cell with him I kept wishing that somebody would come back and get me out of there. That the guys would find out where I was and get out of there. But nobody came. Just before he.. he pushed inside me he whispered something in my ear again. When he was done... he pulled it out and pushed his fingers inside. One of the men said that... that it was their turn. He sneered at them that they could have... have me after he was done and not sooner. He kept... raping me again and again... and suddenly he stopped. I didn't know why until I somehow heard footsteps coming towards us. I guess that one of the gang members warned them that somebody was coming to our direction. I sort of snapped out of the state I was in. How I don't know I just did. And I tried to act normal like nothing happened. Afraid that someone just came checking and walk away again or something like that. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't remember what happened after that. All I can remember is that I was outside Rikers and that Amanda and Fin got me back to the precinct." Olivia finishes, breaking down completely now that she is done.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"**Love is a force more formidable than any other. It's invisible – it cannot been seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."- Barbara de Angelis.**

After Olivia was finished and broke down she stayed in Alex's arms for about an hour. Crying together about the hell Olivia had been trough. Alex was glad that Olivia allowed her to keep her close. The blonde knows that sooner or later Olivia would push her away or try it. As long as Olivia allows her Alex will do everything she can to help her girlfriend. After they both had calmed down a bit Alex had reheated their dinner and Olivia ate a bit. It was a warm night and they had been outside for a while before they went to bed. At first Olivia wanted to stay in the guest room by herself and Alex went to her own bedroom. But an hour after they went to bed Olivia had a nightmare and she had moved to Alex's bedroom after that. It was a difficult night for both of them. Due to the fact that Olivia was exhausted she had fallen asleep again but that night Alex had been woken up three times by the Detective, screaming in her sleep. After the second time Alex stayed awake, sitting against the headboard with Olivia in her arms but even the safety of her attorney's arms couldn't prevent a third nightmare. No need to say that both women still were exhausted by the time they got up. After their morning ritual and breakfast Alex asked if it would be wise to have Abby coming over that night but Olivia almost bit her head off. Alex didn't want to get into a huge fight over this so she let it rest. After lunch it seemed like Olivia was feeling a bit better emotional and she suggested that Alex and she should go getting groceries and make something nice together for dinner to thank the Texan. Alex had agreed to get them, knowing that Olivia couldn't sit still for even hour normally, except for paperwork due to her job. It was a 15 minutes drive to the stores in the nearest village. Abby had called and told them that she would leave around 4 pm and that she should be there around 6 pm if she was lucky with the traffic. When they returned from the village Alex and Olivia made some preparations for their dinner and after that Olivia lied down on the couch to take a nap. Laying her head on Alex lap who was reading a book in the meantime. Thankfully Olivia slept for 2 hours without a nightmare. Around 5 pm Alex woke the Detective up giving her some time to wake up properly. And now they are waiting for Abby to arrive. It's close to 6 pm and Abby hadn't called that traffic was a bitch so they expected the tall brunette any minute from now.

"I'm going to sit outside in one of the lounge chairs." Olivia says.

"Are you sure? Abby's going to be here soon." Alex asks.

"Yes, I'm sure. I need some fresh air." Olivia answers.

"Alright, let me help you to get comfortable there then." Alex says.

Alex stands up from the chair she was sitting in and helps Olivia up from the couch and the two women walk outside to the lounge chairs. Alex helps Olivia down into the chair slowly and when the strong brunette is settled the younger blonde walks back inside. Waiting for Abby to arrive and sensing that the Detective wants to be alone. She decides to make some coffee for when the brunette attorney arrives. About 10 minutes later Abby arrives at Alex's cabin. Alex sees her coming and walks to the front door and opens the door. She waits in the door opening. Abby kills the engine and gets out of her car taking a small back, her briefcase and her purse with her. After she leaves the car she locks it and walks to Alex.

"Hey Blondie, how are things up here?" Abby drawls while hugging Alex.

"Could have better, could have been worse. Let's go inside first." Alex answers slowly.

"That doesn't sound so good." Abby says walking inside the cabin behind Alex.

"Do you want a short tour first or a cup of coffee?" Alex asks closing the door behind the brunette.

"If you have coffee ready I'd say coffee first. Where's Liv?" Abby asks looking around in the living room.

"Coffee is ready. Liv's outside sitting in a lounge chair. But I think we should leave her there for a moment. She just went outside. Well take a seat wherever you want, I'm gonna crab us some coffee." Alex says.

Abby sits down on the couch and waits for Alex to return with their coffee. Shortly after she left the blonde is back with two mugs filled with coffee. She hands one to Abby and sits down next to her on the couch.

"So, how are the two of you holding up?" Abby asks.

"Today was alright considering the circumstances. During the night it was bad though, Liv had three nightmares." Alex answers.

" That's bad yeah. But with everything she went through I'm not surprised. It's good that today went well after a night like this. It's gonna take a long time before she'll be alright again I think. Did ya gals talked about what happened?" Abby asks softly.

"We did last night. It was hard but Liv told me what happened in Rikers. She wanted for me to know what happened before we go to trial. I'm so proud of her Abby, so proud that she let me in and told me what happened to her. I know she's still afraid she'll lose me, no matter what I say. It's gonna take time and me proving her that she won't lose me." Alex answers.

"That makes two of us. I'm glad she trusts you and talks to you Alex. I know how important it is to be able to talk about it with someone close to you. Someone that understands it." Abby says softly.

"I'll be there for her as long as she lets me. I'll always be there for her no matter what. She just needs to realize it yet. Now how about I give you a tour and we go to see if Liv wants to have dinner?" Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. I have to say this is a great area. I hope it will do the both of you good to stay here for a while." Abby answers.

Alex shows Abby the cabin and then the ADA's are walking outside to Olivia, the Detective is staring at the lake when they see her.

"Howdy Detective." Abby says.

Olivia turns her head.

"Hey Tex. Did you have a good ride?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah it was alright. Not too much traffic." Abby answers.

"That's always nice. I assume the two of you came here asking to have dinner?" Olivia asks.

"Yes we are. Do you want to have it now?" Alex asks.

"Sure. Abby must be starving and I think that you're hungry too. So let's go." Olivia answers.

Alex helps Olivia up again and they all went back inside. Since they had prepared everything this afternoon there is not much needed to get dinner on the table. Basically all Alex has to do is to bake the steaks and the potato parts. Olivia already told the blonde how to bake the steaks so it won't be a problem. Abby and Olivia are staying in the living room having small talk while Alex finishes their dinner and 10 minutes later the three women are sitting at the dinner table enjoying their meal.

"This steak is so good, Alex. Everything is good." Abby says.

"Well thank you but it's Liv who you should thank, I only helped her prepare it and baked it like she told me to do." Alex says as she blushes.

"That's crap Counselor and you know it. Don't sell yourself short. You did as much as I did. We made this dinner together, Abs." Olivia says.

"Well I don't care who did what, it's great. So thank you both." Abby smiles.

"It's the least we could do after all you're coming all the way up here for us." Olivia replies.

"Thank you Abs, our big bad Detective here doesn't know how to take a compliment." Alex smiles.

After they finished their dinner Abby insists that she helps Alex with cleaning up and doing the dishes. After they are done they go the living room where Alex sits down on the couch with Olivia's feet on her lap, Abby sits down in the chair across from the couch.

"Did ya think about how ya want to do it, Liv?" Abby asks.

"I thought that maybe it's for the best if Alex watches the tape without me. So if it's alright, I think the two of us should prep for the trial while Alex watches the tape. If you still want to watch it of course, Lex." Olivia answers softly.

"I want to be prepared so I can be there for you in the courtroom. I get it that you don't want to see it so I think it's a good plan that you and Abby are going to prep for the trial at the same time." Alex answers.

"On one side I wish he would go for a deal so that I don't have to go to a trial. On the other side I want him behind bars for the rest of his life. How fucked up is that? Don't answer it. I don't want to talk about it. Let's go do it, the longer we wait the harder it gets. And the more I can think about Alex watching the damn tape." Olivia says with a slightly shaken voice.

"Alright. Where are we going then?" Abby asks.

"You can take the spare room. I'm staying here in the living room." Alex answers.

"Spare room it is." Abby says.

Alex stands up and helps Olivia to the room while Abby opens her briefcase to pull out the tape and the things she needs for prepping. She lays the tape on the coffee table and waits patiently for Alex to come back giving her and Olivia some time together. She briefly wonders where she's gonna sleep tonight but quickly dismisses the thought, now is not the time to think about that. After a couple of minutes Alex walks back into the living room.

"Abby, if you think it's getting too much or if Liv's wants to, stop prepping. I don't want neither of you pushes her over her limits. Alright?" Alex asks with a soft voice.

"Of course, I don't want to push it neither. We can always continue tomorrow should it come that far. Now I know that you know what happened, like I did, but I feel the need to warn ya, Alex. It's different when you know someone so well personally. I knew what happened but watching it made me sick, literally. I'm not saying you can't handle it, you worked more case with SVU than I did, but you're even closer with Liv than I am. This is going to upset you, gets you pissed off at least. You need to take care of yourself too, Counselor. It won't help Liv if you pushing it to far yourself and you're not able to look at her anymore. The damage that will be done is irreparable. But I don't have to tell you that. If it gets too much to watch the tape, stop it, pull it off. I ain't saying this to offend you. I'm saying this as your friend who cares about the both of ya." Abby softly answers.

"I know you do. We both care about Liv and she cares about the both of us." Alex says.

"That may be true but there's a difference." Abby says.

Alex knows that she probably knows what the brunette means but she can't stop herself from asking.

"What do you mean? What's difference?" Alex asks.

"You know what I mean. I care for Olivia as a friend and she cares for me as a friend. You love her, Alex and she loves you. You may not have said that to each other or anyone else but we both know I'm right. The two of you have stopped the dance you were doing for years. And it's about time you did that." Abby says softly.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N I know this is an extremely short chapter but I didn't want y'all needing to wait any longer than you already are. I do hope y'all like the chapter despite the short length.**

**As always R+R, y'all know how addicted I am to them.**

Chapter 16

"**The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender." Emil Ludwig.**

After Abby had spoken to Alex the tall brunette had left and went to Olivia. Alex wondered who else had noticed the dance she and Olivia had been dancing for years. And if it was that obvious that they deeply loved each other. The Texan was right, she hasn't said to Olivia that she loves the Detective nor did Olivia said it to her but she could feel the love Olivia has for her. And hopes that Olivia could feel the blonde ADA has for her. Alex smiled when she thought about it and then tried to prepare herself for what see would see on the tape. Keeping in mind what Abby said about it. Watching the tape Alex goes through a turmoil of feelings. Getting angrier and heart broken with every minute that passes. Pausing the tape two times because it became too much seeing what happened to her girlfriend. When the tape has come to its end the younger ADA removes the tape and sits on the couch thinking about what she saw and what kind of hell her Detective went through. Thinking about what to do to help Olivia dealing with everything that had happened. 5 minutes after she stopped the tape Alex is pulled out of her own thoughts by Olivia's screaming but before she gets off the couch to run to the spare room Abby walks inside the living room with a bloody nose.

"Alex, you need to go to Liv. She's having a flashback and I can't get her out of it." Abby says, trying to stay calm.

Alex jumps up and walks to Abby.

"What happened with your nose?" Alex asks while motioning Abby to walk with her, Abby's nose has to wait for now Olivia is more important.

"Don't worry about that, is just a nose bleeding. I tried to talk her out of it and leaned too close towards her. She hit me on my nose. It's my own fault, I ain't blaming her." Abby answers.

"I'll look at it later right Abs." Alex says.

Alex walks inside the room with Abby following behind her. Olivia is sitting on the bed with her legs pulled up against her chest and her arms around them. She is rocking for and backwards. Her eyes are closed and the fear is clearly visible on her face. Alex quickly walks around the bed and climbs on it pulling Olivia in her arms. Instinctively knowing that Olivia won't hurt her.

"Liv, it's alright honey. I'm here and you're safe now. You need to come back to me. Breath honey, just breath." Alex says softly with a sooting voice.

Although Olivia doesn't come back she does stop rocking. Shaking in the younger blonde's arms. Alex keeps circling her fingers over her lower back and keeps talking to Olivia.

"It's over Liv. He can't hurt you anymore, you're safe now. I'll protect you. But I need you to come back to me honey. Listen to my voice Liv and come back to me. Everything is gonna be alright, baby." Alex says.

Alex reaches the Detective and slowly Olivia opens her eyes and looks at Alex with fear and anxiety in her eyes.

"Lex?" Olivia whispers.

"That's right baby. It's me. You're safe now, Liv. He can't hurt you anymore. Now take a deep breath and let it out slowly." Alex answers.

Seeing that Olivia was back Abby left the room to let them be and look at her nose in the bathroom.

"What happened? Is it really over Lex?" Olivia asks, still shaken up.

"Yes it's over. You were having a flashback. You're safe now here with me, Liv." Alex answers softly.

Hearing Alex's words makes Olivia burst out in tears. Tears of relieve and pain. Alex let Olivia cry in her arms while she comforts the older woman and whispers sweet things into her ear. After sitting like this for a few minutes Olivia calms down. When Olivia looks at Alex her heart skips a beat at the love she sees in the baby blue eyes. Not ready to say the words out loud, Olivia tries to pull away from Alex's arms but she doesn't let Olivia go. Instead, she pulls her arms tighter around the Detective, turning her so she can look into those beautiful brown eyes.

"You're not going to run away, Liv. I know you're feeling extremely vulnerable right now. I told you that I would be there for you when you need me and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. No one is going away, neither one of us. I care for you Olivia Benson. I care for you deeply and then some. And nothing can change that." Alex says.

Alex takes a deep breath before she continues.

"I know we are going slow and I wholeheartedly agree with that, I'll respect every decision you make. But there is something that you need to know and even though I'm scared that you'll run, now is the best moment I can think of. I love you Olivia Benson. I love you with everything I am and have, I always will. I probably did even before we actually met. Whenever you're ready you can talk about what you feel you can talk about it with me. I just want you to know what I feel for you." Alex says softly.

When Alex finished saying what she wanted to say tears are forming in Olivia's eyes again, only this time they're happy tears. Olivia hesitates for a second or two before she leans in and softly kisses Alex's lips. Trying to put everything she's feeling for the younger blonde but isn't ready to tell her into the short kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"**Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston.**

While Alex and Olivia had been talking, Abby's nose stopped bleeding and she cleaned it up as good as she could. The tall brunette didn't think it was broken but she was sure she would feel it in the next couple of days. Not that she would tell Olivia that, the older brunette would beat herself up for hitting her anyway and she didn't want to let her feel more guilty than she already would feel. After cleaning up her nose Abby decided to make some coffee and then to go and get Alex and Olivia. They all could use a strong cup of coffee she figured. When the coffee was almost ready Abby walked down the hallway to the spare room. Just when she entered the room Olivia pulled back her head.

"I'm sorry for interrupting y'all. I just came here to say that coffee is almost ready. I'll get my ass out of here." Abby mumbles.

Alex and Olivia are blushing for being caught but they both know that nothing else would happen. They look at each other for a moment before they turn their heads to Abby.

"What, is the big bad ADA afraid of a kiss? Don't worry Counselor, nothing else is gonna happen it's safe for you to stay. And what happened to your nose?" Olivia asks.

"Or is someone being jealous here?" Alex asks hoping to distract Olivia.

Abby makes a gagging sound.

"Ow Cabot that's just gross. You're my best friend and Detective Badass here is like my big sister or something like that. So no I'm not jealous. I'm actually happy that ya both got your head out of your assess. It'll be a lot easier for the rest of us to deal with the two of ya after you got into one of your fights." Abby answers.

For a split second Olivia looks confused before she slips her mask back on and she answers to Abby.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Carmichael. What ever it is that you're thinking about that's not gonna happen for 2 months at least. I'm not allowed to do that physically. And I'm certainly not ready for it mentally. And you didn't answer my question Abby." Olivia says.

Abby thinks about it for a moment and decides to tell Olivia the truth. She knows that Olivia somehow always knows when she's lying and she doesn't want to upset the Detective more by lying at her.

"I came too close to you when I tried to get you out your flashback and you hit me. It's my own fault, Liv. I shouldn't have come so close to you and I should have gone to get Alex instead of trying to get ya out of it myself first." Abby says.

"Oh Abby. I'm sorry. You're wrong, it's my fault not yours. I'm the one that hit you. I'm so sorry. It's not broken is it?" Olivia asks worried.

"No it's not broken. You have to hit me harder than that to get my nose broken. It ain't your fault, Liv. I know that you're are thinking the worst of yourself and you need stop with that right now. You have nothing to be blamed for. Now how about we all go back to the living room and drink the coffee that's probably ready?" Abby asks.

Olivia thinks for a moment and then looks up at Alex.

"Would you mind if I talked alone with Abs for a while about something?" Olivia asks.

"Liv, it's not your fault. I don't mind to leave the two of you alone. But beating yourself up, for something you could do nothing about, is not going to help you." Alex answers.

"I know that. And I promise you both that I'll try not to do it." Olivia says.

"Alright. I'll go to the living room, when you two are done you know where to find me." Alex says, getting up from the bed.

"Thanks Lex. See you soon." Olivia answers.

Alex leans down to kiss Olivia's forehead and then leaves the two brunettes alone. Trying not to worry about her girlfriend and at the same time being as happy as possible knowing that Olivia loves her as much as she loves the Detective. She knows that it's gonna take a while before Olivia is ready to say it out loud but how short the kiss might have been, she could feel the love Olivia is feeling for her in it.

"Alright, what's bothering? I know that you're worried about something and it ain't about hitting my nose by accident." Abby asks, as she sits down next to Olivia.

"Can't hide anything for you, can I?" Olivia asks softly.

"I'm sure there are some things but no, not much. What's wrong Liv, besides what's obvious? I saw the look ya had for a moment." Abby asks gently.

"You said I'm like your big sister or something like that, I know we are." Olivia says, pausing to think how to say what's on her mind.

"I know you know that. What's bothering you about that?" Abby asks.

Abby slowly puts her hand on Olivia's leg to encourage her silently.

"Well... I am the 'something like that' part. Alex said it doesn't matter to her what I decide about the decision I have to make but I'm still scared to death that she changes her mind and leaves me. I guess I have to tell you what that is to make sense out of what I'm saying, don't I?." Olivia softly asks.

"I know this, Alex won't change her mind about it, what ever it is, if she said that it doesn't matter to her what you decide. She won't leave you, Liv. Alex loves you. I don't think there is anything that could make her leave you. I do think you need to tell me what you're talking about if you want me to be able to give you a better answer and help you or make me understand what you're talking about." Abby answers.

"I'm sorry for being so vague, Abs. I just can't be more specific telling you it without Alex knowing it first. I don't want her to know it after you. If that's alright and I hope that does make sense." Olivia says.

"Yes that does make sense. We both love you, Liv but I ain't loving you like she does and you ain't loving me like you love her so of course she needs to know it before me. And even though I don't understand what you're talking about ya don't have to worry about that. I can wait till you're ready to talk about it with me. It's more important for me that you are feeling as well as you can, given the circumstances, and that Alex knows it.

Look, if you can wait till after the trial and you're recovered a bit, mentally, from what happened to you, I would wait if I were you. But I can't look into your mind. If it would help you to get it off your chest, being less stressful for the trial and your mental recovery, you should talk about it with her before it starts." Abby says, smiling softly at Olivia.

"Thank you Abby. You did help me. I think I'm going to talk with Alex about it now. It would help me to get it off my chest and have it out of the way. I'm still scared but somewhere deep down inside of me I know you're right about her. So I'm gonna do it now before I lose my nerves and chicken out." Olivia says.

"Alright. You know what's the best thing to do or not to do. Do ya want me to go to Alex and ask her to come back here?" Abby asks.

"No. If you don't mind I want you to help me to get up. I think that talking outside at the lake with a cup of coffee will be more relaxing, now that it's still warm outside." Olivia answers.

"Sure. Let's get you up then." Abby says.

Olivia tells the younger brunette how she can help her the best and when the Detective is on her feet again the two of them walk to the living room. As soon as Olivia enters the living room she smells the coffee.

"Ow that smells so good." Olivia moans and walks straight to the kitchen to pour herself some.

Alex looks up from the book she was reading when she hears Olivia moaning, her eyes are slightly getting darker from hearing the sound that comes out of the Detective's mouth. Abby looks at them both and can't stop herself from snickering. Causing Alex to turn red knowing she's busted and Olivia to turn around looking sternly and raising one eyebrow at the brunette ADA. Abby doesn't know if Olivia is being serious or not and decides she doesn't take the risk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it nor doing that." Abby says.

"Bullshit, Carmichael. You meant it exactly like that." Olivia says and looks at Alex.

"C'mon Counselor, you and I are going to sit outside. Abs can stay here as her punishment." Olivia says.

Olivia walks past Abby to go outside and winks at the Texan letting her know that she isn't mad. Alex stands up and follows the Detective giving Abby an apologizing look. Abby just smiles at the blonde ADA as she walks to the coffee table, picks up her briefcase and sits down on the couch figuring she could finish her work so they can relax when her friends are done talking. Outside Alex helps Olivia on one of the lounge chairs before she sits down herself.

"Are you mad at her?" Alex asks.

"No I'm not, I just used it as an excuse to get you outside with me. I let her know it that I wasn't mad when I looked at her as I past her. I want to talk with you about something and I thought that we could do that sitting outside now that it's still warm here." Olivia answers.

"Should I be worried? I mean you talked with Abby first and now you want to talk with me." Alex asks.

"No you don't need to worry. She doesn't know what we're gonna talk about. I talked to her cryptically to get some advice and she calmed me down a bit with her answers. I'm talking with you now because I don't want to lose my nerves and chicken out. And I didn't want to talk about the 'what' with her before I talked with you." Olivia answers.

Being calmed down with Olivia's answer Alex leans back into the lounge chair and looks at the Detective.

"I know I can't reassure you before you told me what you need say, so why don't you tell me it and I reassure you afterwards?" Alex asks.

"I guess you're right. I have to wait and see, for reassuring me afterwards, till you know it. So here goes nothing." Olivia answers.

Olivia looks away from Alex for a few moments.

"I sort of made a decision about keeping or not keeping my testicles." Olivia says.

"Sort of?" Alex asks.

"Well I want to keep them but that's not all I need to tell. After struggling for the biggest part of my life, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me. And even though I know I could lose you, I can't change the fact that I won't be complete. I never can be really happy with you, if you still want to be with me, if I'm not who I am. What I am I should probably say. I never will be happy again without you but if I want a chance to be happy with you, I have to take the risk and with that maybe destroy what we have or could have. But that's the price I might need to pay. After what happened in Rikers you must be thinking that I finally lost my mind and went crazy, but I have to do this. When I'm mentally recovered and ready for it I want a sex changing surgery. I'm sorry, Lex." Olivia says, whispering the last sentence.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N 100 reviews! Y'all are amazing. At first I had some doubts when I started to write this story but with 100 reviews for 17 chapters I think it's safe to say that I don't need to worry anymore. Thank y'all so much. **

**Usually I don't comment on a review specifically or say something about it but I'd like to make an exception today because part of the review from Jbcjazz is one of the reasons I decided to write a story with this subject. To get subjects like this out in the open. And to help victims and/or survivors, to try to be a voice for those who cannot speak. So I'm glad that this story and maybe some of my other stories are helping others to deal with what ever is going on in their lives. To be a (small) light in the darkness of all of your lives. If I can do that for one person like I'm doing for her then to me this story is already more valuable than I could ever hope for. And that means the world to me. Knowing that I do something good in this life for others. And with that making my own life more valuable. **

**A/N 2 I know this is another extremely short chapter but after leaving y'all hanging and dealing with another major cliff hanger I thought I needed to make it up and let y'all know as soon as possible what Alex's reaction will be. **

**I'll try to make the next chapter longer again. Which ain't easy without my muse. She's still abandoning me so for now we all have to do it with the creations of my own mind. **

_**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my girlfriend. She surely is the light in my life. **_

_**She is the Alex to my Olivia...**_

**Alright enough cheesy stuff from my side, I've got a rep to protect. Ha ha.**

**Keep R+R beside the fact that I'm addicted to them they also are a big inspiration for me. :D**

Chapter 18

"**Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.**

"_Well I want to keep them but that's not all I need to tell. After struggling for the biggest part of my life, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me. And even though I know I could lose you, I can't change the fact that I won't be complete. I never can be really happy with you, if you still want to be with me, if I'm not who I am. What I am I should probably say. I never will be happy again without you but if I want a chance to be happy with you, I have to take the risk and with that maybe destroy what we have or could have. But that's the price I might need to pay. After what happened in Rikers you must be thinking that I finally lost my mind and went crazy, but I have to do this. When I'm mentally recovered and ready for it I want a sex changing surgery. I'm sorry, Lex." Olivia says, whispering the last sentence._

After Olivia is finished Alex stays silent for a few seconds before she stands up and takes the two steps towards Olivia's chair. As soon as the blonde got up Olivia held her breath. She was sure that she would pay the full prize and lose Alex. A look of confusion crosses the Detective's face when Alex doesn't walk away but walks towards her.

"Lean forward Liv, I want to sit behind you. If that's alright with you of course. I promise I'll respond but I want to have you in my arms when I do that." Alex says softly.

Leaning forward Olivia carefully moves a bit forward. If Alex wanted to sit behind her and hold her in her arms her response couldn't be that bad, could it? As soon as Olivia moved forward Alex steps behind **her** Detective and sits down. While leaning back against the chair Alex pulls Olivia backwards and puts her arms around the Detective. Feeling the tension leaving Olivia's body when she leans back against her.

"You don't have to worry about me leaving you and certainly not for this, Liv. Even if I wanted it, which I absolutely don't want, I would never be able to actually do it. Because with leaving you I would not only kill you, destroy your heart but I also would destroy mine and kill myself. You have nothing to be sorry for neither. I know I have said this before but I'm gonna say it again; I love you for who you are honey, not what you are.

I think inside myself I already knew that you wanted to do this when you didn't know what to do when they asked you in the hospital what you wanted to do. I know it is a long way to go but I intent to be there next to you every step of it. I also know that it won't be easy for neither of us but we have come so far, have left so much behind us and survived so many obstacles thrown at us, we will get through this too. Neither of us is alone in it this time, now we have each other. I promise I'll be there for you, love you and defend or protect you when needed with everything I am and have.

You were right all those years ago and you're right now, I don't know how it feels like to feel that your own body is a mistake but I do see how it effects you. And if it makes you feel complete, makes you feel happy than that's what you should do. Because all I want is for you to be happy and preferably with me. I don't care what body you have, female or male, I know I will love it anyway. Everything I said earlier about loving you and what I want with you still counts. This doesn't change what I want with you, Liv. As long as I have you, I'll be the happiest woman on this planet.

And for the record, I don't think you're crazy or went crazy. I think you're the most beautiful person I've met in my life, inside and outside now and in the future, Detective Benson." Alex finishes.

Olivia was overwhelmed with everything Alex said to her. Abby was right, Alex really does love her. More than that the blonde still wants everything what she wanted before with her. Olivia couldn't believe what she just heard. How did she get a woman that loves her unconditionally and so understanding. So supportive with what she wants. Is this the true love people always talk about? Because it surely looks that way. But the Detective needed to be sure. Needed to have it confirmed that Alex really means what she said. With everything that's going on the Detective is more insecure than she normally is.

"Do you really mean what you said? All of it?" Olivia asks softly.

"Yes, I do." Alex answers.

"Come and sit in front of me, Lex." Olivia says softly.

"Alright." Alex says.

The blonde ADA softly pushes Olivia forwards and gets up to sit in front of the Detective like she requested.

"Now why did I need to sit in front of you?" Alex asks as she sits down.

"This is why." Olivia answers.

As soon as Alex sits she's pulled forward by Olivia and the Detective immediately kisses the blonde's lips. After a few seconds Olivia opens her lips and silently asks Alex to deepen their kiss into an open mouth kiss. Without thinking Alex opens her lips and electricity is coursing through her body when she tastes Olivia for the time on her lips. Olivia lift her hands up to Alex face and gently takes it into her hands. After kissing for about 10 seconds Olivia pulls back and leans her forehead against Alex's.

"Wow." Alex breaths, trying to get her breathing under control.

"Wow indeed, Counselor." Olivia whispers after regaining her breath.

"What was that for?" Alex asks softly.

Olivia pulls back a bit and looks at Alex.

"For being you. For being so amazing. For still wanting to be with me and still wanting everything I want for loving me. I... well... I... I mean... I... you..." Olivia stutters.

"It's alright, Liv. Just because you can't say it yet doesn't mean I don't know it or don't feel it. Don't try to force yourself, when you're ready it will come out." Alex says softly.

"I'm sorry for not being able to say it, Lex." Olivia whispers.

"Don't be, don't be so hard on yourself. You took some big steps today, you can't take them all at the same time. You gave your statement to Abs, you talked with me, opened up to me. We kissed, twice, today without you flinching. And boy what for kisses they were. You really kicked ass, Detective. I'm proud of you. Even with having a flashback this was a very good day for you and for us." Alex says.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a big bad Detective. Alright, enough talking for today. Let's go back to Carmichael and relax a bit before we go to bed." Olivia says.

Alex nods at Olivia and stands up. She knows Olivia was done talking for today. After helping the Detective up the two women walk back to the cabin. The three of them relaxed together for about an hour before they all decided to call it a day and go to bed. They decide that Abby is going to stay in the spare bedroom and that Olivia stays with Alex in the master bedroom and wish each other a good night before they go to their bedrooms. Alex looks and takes care of Olivia's wounds before they go through their nightly routines. Half an hour later all three women are lying in bed and they all hope that Olivia will make it through the night without having nightmares.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Finally chapter with a more normal length for me. I'm hope you all enjoy it. Oh and I have a little surprise for y'all...**

Chapter 19

"**If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile." - Lynda Barry.**

The next morning Alex and Olivia are still tired by the time they get up. Just like the night before Olivia was plagued with nightmares. Alex and Abby were woken up twice by Olivia's screams but Abby stayed in the spare room. Alex was with Olivia and the Texan knew that Olivia didn't want Abby see her like that. If her help was needed Alex would come and ask for it. Abby had fallen back to sleep after the second time and slept the rest of the night but Olivia and Alex hadn't. Olivia didn't want to sleep anymore afraid of getting more nightmares and Alex wanted to be there for her girlfriend and stayed awake with her. It's 8 am and Alex and Olivia are preparing breakfast together. They would wake Abby when breakfast was almost ready if the brunette wasn't awake and up by then.

"I think I'm gonna tell Abby about the surgery this morning. I left her in the dark yesterday when we talked and I think it's only fair towards her if she knows it, now that I've told you and we talked about it. I have to tell her and a few others it eventually. Maybe telling her here would help me calm down my nerves. What do you think, Alex?" Olivia asks.

"I think you should do it when you're ready for it. Here it's just the three of us and maybe that is easier for you. I'll support you whenever you want to tell her. But you don't know how she's gonna react. True Abs is pretty open minded and I don't think she's gonna react badly but we can't know that for sure. Maybe you should wait till after the trials. There's enough time afterwards. I'm not saying that's what you need to do, it's just a suggestion." Alex answers.

"I know there's plenty of time after the trials but I don't want to think about them. I know I have been testifying for more than enough trials. This is different though. I want to keep it out of my mind for as long as possible. Even though we finished prepping for it yesterday I don't think I'll be ready for it this time. It doesn't matter if we don't get a speedy trial. There is so much going on, so much going through my mind and I want at least try to find some peace. Telling Abby it now might give me that after we're done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. And like you I don't think Abby is one of the people who might react badly or will react badly. So maybe I can sort of practice on how to tell it and deal with the reaction on her." Olivia says.

"Alright, let's keep this weekend trial free. After we know if we get a speedy trial or not we can keep ourselves busy with your testimony. We know then how much time we have to get you as ready as possible for it. I'm sure Abby has no problems with this since you're done prepping. Go on and tell her it, I'll have your back no matter what." Alex says.

"Tell me what?" Abby asks walking into the kitchen.

The brunette only got the last part of the conversation so she doesn't know what the younger ADA and Detective are talking about.

"Good morning Tex. You know normally people first say good morning before asking a question when the get up. And to answer your question, we'll talk about that later. Breakfast is almost ready." Olivia answers.

"Good morning, Counselor." Alex says, pouring a cup of coffee for Abby and places it in front of her.

"Thanks. Good morning to the both of ya. Alright I'll wait." Abby says and takes a sip of her coffee.

When breakfast is ready they go and sit at the dinner table and having small talk while they're eating. Alex invited Abby to stay for the weekend after looking at Olivia for her agreement. Abby took the offer and was happy to stay and spending some time with her friends. After they were done eating Alex told Olivia to go lay down on the couch while the two ADA's would clean up. At first Olivia protested of course but Alex told her that she needed to rest and to take that rest. She had been up since they got out of bed and the blonde wouldn't take no for an answer. She knows that every day Olivia got better physically it would be a bigger challenge to get the Detective doing what she should do. Not wanting to get into a fight at this point, Olivia agrees. 10 minutes later the kitchen is clean and Alex and Abby walk over to Olivia with a fresh cup of coffee. Abby sits down in the chair across the couch and Alex pulls up Olivia's feet for a moment and sits down before she puts the Detective's feet on her lap. Olivia looks at Alex who nods at her and squeezes one of Olivia's feet to encourage her. The Detective takes a deep breath before she looks at Abby.

"There is something I need to tell you and I don't know how you're gonna react on it." Olivia says.

"You didn't kill someone did ya?" Abby jokes.

"No I didn't. And I'm serious Carmichael." Olivia answers.

"Since you didn't kill anyone I shouldn't be to worried, Liv. What ever it is, I'm sure we'll be ok. I know you talked about with Alex yesterday and she's still here so I don't think I'll leave when I know it." Abby says.

"Yeah well it's her cabin but I get your point. What I'm about to tell you, I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. Besides Alex only Liz knows a part. Not even Cragen knows it." Olivia says.

"Got ya. I won't say a thing. Now stop beating around the bush and tell me what it is. I know you're nervous but it's just me." Abby says.

"Keep your pants on Abs. This not easy for me to tell. For us. You know what they did in the hospital what you don't know is what they discovered. It turns out I not only had the female parts inside my body, I also have testicles. Normally the surgeon would have removed them too but he should have done the surgery on a woman who wanted a sex changing surgery. Of course I freaked out but not for the reason you probably think. I freaked out for the fact that I didn't know it. Nobody ever told me and I don't know if my mother knew it or not, either way she never told me. Normally you aren't born with a complete female body and testicles, most of the times you are born without a uterus or without ovaries or without both. Obviously that wasn't the case with me. This is the part that Liz knows. She needed to know it to keep it out of the trial would there have been one." Olivia says.

Abby was quiet for a few moments and thought about what Olivia had told her.

"I can understand why you freaked out, I would have freaked out too if I heard something like that. So I assume that this is what you talked about with Alex yesterday. Do you know what you're going to do?" Abby asks.

"Yes I know what I'm going to do. I did talk with Alex but I talked with her about what I'm going to do. I always felt like something was wrong with me, with my body. And like I told you I freaked out when I heard that I have testicles, but I didn't freak out about the fact that I have them. And when they asked me what I wanted to do, get rid of them or not, I didn't know what I wanted. It confused me and scared me that I didn't say immediately to get rid of them. I truly didn't know what I wanted to do. I thought about it the past days and I thought about a case Alex and I had years back. And suddenly it all made sense to me. I know what was wrong with me all those years, why I hated my own body and why I didn't want to get a surgery to get my testicles removed immediately. That's why I needed to talk with Alex even though she already made it clear that what ever I would decide about them she would support me and respect my choice. She told me that it didn't matter to her and that I still was the same person to her. But you see, I'm not the same person I was. Yes on the inside I'm still the same, sort of, but on the outside I won't be the same anymore. That's why I was so scared to lose Alex, I am scared to lose you. When everything is behind me and I recovered from it, at least for a part, I want to have a sex changing surgery. I'm going to have a sex changing surgery. It's a long process and it won't be easy for Alex and myself but it's what I need to do. I was born with the wrong body, Abby." Olivia finishes.

"I know I should be shocked right now but I'm not. Surprised? Maybe. To be honest I'm more shocked hearing you have testicles. I guess I feel the same about this as Alex does, you're still the same person to me now that I know what you're going to do. You may change on the outside but you're still the same person on the inside. And I finally have the brother I never had. I know this is a big deal for you but this is how I see it. And I'll be there for you, for the both of you. In fact, everyone that will treat you badly, is going to get their ass kicked by me. Nobody can hurt my bro because of this and get away with it." Abby says.

Olivia burst out in laughter. Yes a part of it is because she was nervous, but she already can see Abby kicking someone's ass, probably literally if they act really bad. Alex smiles at Abby, the Texan just said all the right things and she knows that Olivia is relieved with the brunette's reaction. She knows that there are other people who might not be so relaxed about it as Abby is, but this just what Olivia needed. After a minute or so the Detective calms down and smiles at Abby. A million questions about how things work exactly are in the back of Abby's mind but one question is popping up and she wants to know the answer.

"There are lot of questions I have about how things work, but ya probably don't know it yourself for now. There is one thing I do want to know now. What are you going to do with your name? Obviously you are going to change it but into what?" Abby asks.

Alex raises an eyebrow and looks at Olivia. This is a very interesting question. They didn't talk about it and she wants to know it too.

"I'm gonna keep my last name as it is of course. I thought about and I'm gonna change my first name in John and my middle name in Doe." Olivia says with a straight face.

Alex and Abby are looking at Olivia like she truly had gone nuts. For a second they thought that Olivia was joking but their eyebrows are going straight into their hairlines and their jaws drop on the floor when they see the serious look and straight face of the Detective. Seeing their reaction Olivia can't keep her face straight anymore and a big smile breaks through on her face.

"You seriously didn't think I would do something stupid like that, do you?" Olivia asks with a shit eating grin on her face.

"Could have fooled me with that look. You looked so seriously that I thought you actually meant it." Abby answers.

"That was so not funny, Detective. Now quit joking and tell us what you really chose." Alex says, slapping Olivia on her leg.

"Ow, that's assaulting an officer of the law, Counselor." Olivia says.

"Your a big guy, get over it, Detective. Now tell us what you chose." Alex wines.

Hearing Alex calling her a guy makes Olivia smile like an idiot. The smile couldn't get any bigger without going to hurt. Changing it so easily and accepting it makes Olivia fall in love with the blonde attorney even more. Shaking her head Olivia gets serious again.

"I actually like my first name so I'm not gonna change it a lot. My first name is going to be Oliver." Olivia says.

Alex smiles at Olivia hearing the first name. Even if it's not much of a change it seems to fit the strong Detective. Abby nods approvingly.

"I can't think of a name more fittingly than this. So does that mean that I still can call you, Liv?" Abby asks.

Olivia shakes her head.

"No you have to figure out a new nickname. That privilege is only given to Alex, if she wants it." Olivia answers.

"I still can call you Liv? Are you sure you don't want me to call you something else?" Alex asks touched.

"Yes, Lex. I love it when you call me Liv or Detective. When you're not mad at me that is. So I'm sure. You are the only one that still can call me Liv." Olivia answers.

"Wow. Thank you. This means a lot to me. What's your middle name gonna be?" Alex asks.

"Don't get to cheesy Benson. You've got balls now." Abby winks.

"You're just being jealous at Alex, Carmichael." Olivia counters.

After replying the Texan Olivia turns her head to look at Alex.

"My middle name needs an explanation. It's Alexander." Olivia says softly.

If Alex thought she was touched before she now knows for sure she is, without knowing why Olivia chose this middle name. Cerulean eyes turns into watery stormy blue ones and Alex's voice fails to work. Abby looks at her friends and sees the emotions on both their faces. Sensing that Alex isn't able to talk at this moment let alone to ask something, the brunette speaks up again.

"I could guess why you chose Alexander as your middle name but I'd rather hear your own reasons why you did it. So why did you choose this name?" Abby smiles.

Olivia doesn't see Abby's smile, the Detective only has eyes for the emotional blonde. After clearing her throat Olivia gives the answer to Abby's question, still looking at Alex.

"One of the two reasons I chose this name is because of Alex's father. From the first time I met him he was warm and kind to me. As the years past by he gave me the feeling that to him I belonged to his family. He's the father figure I've never had. But the most important and main reason is sitting in front of me. Since I'm a guy my last name may never change in the future. We aren't there yet, not even close for now but when we are and we decide to go traditional with my last name for me, my last name will be Benson and I wanted to be connected with our names too somehow. To have something of Alex's name in mine too. So we will always be joined together with our hearts, souls and our names. That's why my middle name is going to be Alexander. And I will be Oliver Alexander Benson." Olivia finishes softly.

Without thinking about the Detective's injuries, without thinking at all, Alex gets up and launches herself at Olivia. Barely giving the brunette the time to open her arms and catch the younger blonde.

"God, do I love you. I love you so much." Alex whispers before capturing Olivia's lips with her own.

**A/N 2 So what do y'all think about our Detective's new names? And the reasons why these names are chosen? Nice surprise huh. I think it is. After everything that happened and the rough couple of days I thought we all and mostly they deserved some happiness.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"**Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."- Franklin P. Jones.**

After Alex's emotional love declaration the three of them had talked further and they had decided that they would start calling the Detective Oliver from now on when they were alone until he would tell the squad, his captain and Liz. They all felt like that Alex and Oliver owed it to the EADA to tell her in person. Alex and Oliver thought that Fin, Munch and Amanda would be ok with it. Nick they didn't know but they thought he would have some problems with it and all three of them knew that Elliot would certainly not be alright with it. They didn't know how bad it would be but Oliver and Alex would prepare themselves for the worst. Cragen and Oliver were pretty close and they thought that he needed to come on terms with it but that in the end he just wanted the Detective to be happy. After they were done talking Alex went to take a shower and Oliver and Abby would stay in the living room. When Alex was done Oliver would lay down for an hour and then they would have lunch since it's 11.30 am.

"Do you know when you can change your name legally and how much it will cost? Because if you don't know it I can look it up for ya." Abby asks.

"Normally I could do it already because I don't have a uterus and ovaries anymore, if I recall one of the nurses in the hospital correctly. I don't know if the fact that I have testicles change that negatively. I don't think so. As for the price I don't know, I'm not a lawyer but it shouldn't be a problem. I think I have more than enough to pay for everything and I don't need to pay for any surgery I might need. Thanks to Lex that's covered with the deal she got for me with the hospital. I can't wait to change it legally now, having Alex's support and yours kinda set me free. And I actually would love it to wear my middle name too. I guess I have to talk with someone how to going from now on. I mean I don't need to have a hysterectomy anymore and I do have testicles. Maybe that changes something for the process as it normally goes. Of course I don't know that goes too for now." Oliver answers.

"Eager to wear Alex's name huh?" Abby teases.

"Yes I am. Just because I can't say those three words yet doesn't mean I don't want forever with her. I know it's soon and that it probably for the best to wait with planning or acting on it till after my recovery and maybe even till after the final surgery, but if I could change my name today I would propose her tomorrow and marry her the day after. Of course this all hypothetically speaking. Should Alex want the same then I would want to give her a dream wedding, her dream wedding, within reason. I don't want to have a guest list with 2000 guest on it. No matter when it is that I say 'I do'. But that is something to think about in a year or two. For now I have other things to think about and to worry about." Oliver answers.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, did they hit you on your head too in the hospital?! Alex is head over heels in love with you for years. I'm sure she wants to marry you in two years, I'd bet my life on it if I have to. But we talk about that later. Speaking of worrying about other things, what are ya gonna do if Elliot or anyone else from the squad acts really bad and things are getting out of hand?" Abby asks.

When Abby is done and she looks at the Detective she sees a goofy smile on his face.

"What? Why do you look like that?" Abby asks.

"You called me Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver smiles.

"Well that's your name, ain't it? It may not be official and I'm sure I make mistakes occasionally but I'll try not to make them." Abby smiles.

"Yes it is. It just feel so good hearing it." Oliver answers

"Back to my question. Do you know it or is it too soon to ask?" Abby asks.

"I don't know yet. I don't plan on waiting with telling it for too long. I have a lot of sick days that I'm gonna use for recovering and if necessary I could take a leave of absence. Cragen and Liz said that Lex and I should take as much time as needed. We agreed on 6 weeks first and then to call every week if we want to add another one or not. They said that as long as they wouldn't get trouble from above that they couldn't handle we could take all the time we wanted and needed. And to be honest I don't know if I'm going back soon. Especially with everything that's going on. I guess it depends on how fast I recover and what I need to do for my transition. I mean being a SVU Detective and going through the process is not something that's gonna be easy. There are two things I am sure off at this moment and that is what I want with Alex and being a guy. For the rest it's one big mess in my head." Oliver answers.

"Well that are two very important things to be sure about. Give it time, Oliver. A lot happened in barely a week. You had nightmares two nights in-a-row. Take it one day at the time. Beside the trial there is nothing that's gonna rush you. How about we gonna surprise Alex together and make a nice dinner for her tonight? It will take your mind of things and you can do something nice for your woman." Abby asks.

"That's a good idea Abs. We need to do the groceries anyway so maybe we could go with the two of us and Alex can take a nap or do something for herself to relax. Speaking of Alex, she'll probably will be back soon so let's stop talking with the heavy stuff. But I would like it very much to surprise her with dinner. So let's do it and go get what we need after I lied down." Oliver says.

"Alright but we need to make her take a nap otherwise she wants to come with us. Ya know how she concerned she is about ya. I'm glad she is and that she loves ya but it ain't a surprise if she's coming with us." Abby says.

"Good point, I hadn't thought about that, Counselor. I'm sure with the two of us we'll manage it." Oliver says.

"That's because I have the brains and you have the balls, Detective." Abby jokes.

"Har har, Carmichael. You wish you had my brains too. It's not just balls I have and ya now it." Oliver jokes back.

"You're just jealous I'm more handsome than you are, Oli." Abby says.

"No I'm not jealous, the most beautiful woman in the world is my gal. You're just jealous you're not as beautiful as she is. Wait... what did you call me? Oli?" Oliver asks.

"Yeah I did. Ain't it a nice nickname? Ya told me I needed to figure out a new one so Oli it is." Abby smiles.

"I do like it. Yeah. Oli sounds good, Tex." Oliver says with a smile.

"Good that's settled then. Oli it is. We could always change it in oil. Then we would be 'Texas oil'." Abby jokes.

Olivia laughs out loud and soon Abby is joining him. They are still laughing when Alex walks back into the living room. She smiles when she sees her friend and well now her boyfriend laughing.

"Wanna tell me what's so funny?" Alex smiles.

Oliver and Abby look at each other and burst out in laughter again. Soon tears are rolling down their cheeks. Alex can't help it and starts laughing too even though the blonde has no clue what they are laughing about.

"Ow damn, this much laughing hurts." Oliver says, still laughing though.

When the three of them calmed down Alex tries it again.

"What was it that you need to laugh about so much?" Alex asks.

Oliver and Abby don't look at each other afraid they'll start again.

"I said to Oliver that his new nickname should be oil, then we would be 'Texas oil'." Abby snickers.

Oliver desperately tries to hold back his laughter. His stomach still hurts from their laughter. But Alex isn't helping him because she starts laughing again make them all laughing again. It isn't really that funny for other people probably, but to the three of them it is.

"I'm gonna lay down for an hour. Give my body some well deserved rest. Who of you two lovely ladies is gonna help me up?" Oliver asks when they're done laughing.

"I'll do it. I can check you again when we're in the bedroom." Alex says.

"Alright, but you don't have to stay. I'm not gonna sleep just rest." Oliver says.

"Just let us get you in the bedroom first, Benson." Alex says.

Alex helps Oliver up and the two of them go to the bedroom. Alex looks at Oliver's wounds. They look so good that they decide Alex checks them once a day starting today. And starting tomorrow Oliver could take a shower again as long as he didn't stay under the water too long the Dr. had said that he could take them again after today. The blonde attorney stayed for half an hour to chat with Oliver while he was lying down before she goes back to the living room. In the mean time Abby had been surfing on the Internet on her smart phone and had found out that in the city half an hour away from the cabin was a shopping center with a market and big supermarket along with some other shops. Just when Alex walks back into the living room Abby tucks her smart phone back in the front pocket of her skinny jeans.

"Hey. How are the wounds?" Abby asks.

"They look pretty good actually. We agreed that I look only once a day at them." Alex answers.

"That's good news. How about we start making lunch? We should be done when Oliver gets back here." Abby asks.

"Sounds fine by me. I'm sure he doesn't wanna stay there longer than half an hour more. It's gonna be hell when he starts feeling better and refuses to take his rest periods." Alex sighs.

"Tell me something I don't know. The only time that dude is staying at one place for longer than an hour or so is when he is sleeping. Or doing paperwork at the precinct although that ain't his choice most of the time. What do ya have in mind to make for lunch?" Abby asks.

Alex laughs at Abby's comment about Oliver and staying on one place.

"Right back at ya. Most of the time he starts doing the damn paperwork when we had a fight about it. And I told him that I want it on my desk the following morning. Cops there is nothing they hate more than doing paperwork except for lying in a hospital bed of course. I thought we could make a salad with some sandwiches." Alex answers.

The two ADA's walk to the kitchen and start making lunch. Starting with chopping vegetables for the salad.

"So Cabot, you and Oli are finally together. Any idea where ya see it going?" Abby asks.

"Oli huh. Is it safe to assume that's your new nickname?" Alex asks smiling.

"Yup. I think it fits well. Oliver thought it was nice too. So Oli it is. Since you are the only one who may call him Liv I had to find something else fitting. This is what came up in my mind." Abby answers.

"I think you're right. I'm proud of him, he really tries to open up to you and me. I'm so happy that we told each other what feel for each other. Even though he didn't say the three words yet I know he feels the same for me. We talked about what we want and we both want the whole picture. I know we have to go slow and that's alright. Physically I mean, seeing what happened. And probably because now he is still in the wrong body. But leaving that out of the picture if it were up to me I would go as fast as possible. I mean I know he's it for me. Always has been and always will be." Alex says smiling.

"And yet the two of ya only got together recently. Everybody knew you two were head over heels in love with each other, well everybody except for the two of ya and Elliot. Although I think he doesn't want to know it. But let's not talk about that. What do ya mean with going as fast as possible?" Abby asks.

"I know he's not ready for that, going as fast as possible so it's hypothetically speaking, if he would ask me to marry me I would have said yes and skip the u-haul part. Of course I would have wanted a beautiful wedding so we wouldn't marry the next day but as soon as we could have planned everything. Of course I would want to be together in the same house or apartment in the mean time. But not living together for about a year and half or so and then being proposed and getting married. But like I said he's not ready for that and I can understand that. If it would be the other way around I probably would have felt the same as he's feeling. I can wait. I just want to be there for him and make sure he knows that I love him and not gonna leave him no matter what. God, I sound like a lovesick teenager instead of a woman who's 31 years old." Alex answers.

"there ain't nothing wrong with being in love, Cabot. You waited long enough for it. Too long if you ask me. Anyway. Just enjoy it as it is. And who knows when Benson finally believes you won't leave him he comes around and goes faster than at a snails pace. Mentally of course. Because I know one thing for sure, if anyone hits on ya they're in big trouble if he doesn't kill them that is. He probably will be even more protective of ya now than he already was, if that is possible. Which I doubt. Speaking of Detective Badass how about I finish things up here and you go get the dude? Ya know it feels normal to say that, him or dude or something else like that." Abby asks.

"I know what you mean. It feels good to me too. I had a few days to get used to the idea. But it went easier than I thought it would be." Alex answers.

"You knew? How?" Abby asks.

" A couple of things, in the hospital he said something about a case related to this and he said that he didn't know what he wanted to do with his testicles. After I thought about that I just putted one and one together and knew that this would be possible to come out. He always has been one of the guys, never did girly stuff and I always have known that there was something bothering him but that he didn't know himself what it was. Alright, let's stop talking and let me get 'tha dude' before he gets impatient." Alex answers smiling.

After Alex and Oliver were back they had eaten lunch and the brunette ADA and Detective had managed to convince Alex to take a nap since she almost hadn't slept last night and the night before that. When they were sure that Alex was asleep the two got their wallets and wrote a note which they left on the coffee table where Alex could see it easily before they sneaked out the cabin. During the ride to the city they had a pleasant conversation. When they were walking towards the supermarket they passed a couple of shops and Abby deliberately had brought their conversation to Oliver's and Alex relationship and the conversation she and Alex had earlier, when they walked by a jewelry store. Of course the Texan had chosen that way deliberately too not that she mentioned it to the Detective. Walking by said jewelry store Oliver stops walking and looks at Abby. He didn't earn that golden shield for nothing.

"Abigail Carmichael, what exactly did Alex say that made you deciding going to this city and walk by a jewelry store? Because I know you did this on purpose." Oliver asks.

"Uhm, I plead the fifth." Abby answers.

"Nuh uh, wrong answer, Counselor. Either you tell what she said to you or we're going straight to the supermarket or market and back to the cabin." Oliver says sternly.

"Ya hang out with too many lawyers, Detective. Fine no need to twist my arm. She said that it was hypothetically cuz you wouldn't be ready to go as fast as possible, but if it was up to her and you would ask her to marry her she would say yes. The rest ain't necessary to tell ya now." Abby answers.

"You didn't tell her what we talked about?" Oliver asks.

"Nope. Not a word. I thought this is much more fun than talking about what ya said with her." Abby smirks.

Oliver thought about it for a minute. Asking himself if it wasn't too soon, they only had been together for a couple of days. Then he thought about how much had happened in those days and how Alex had been there for him. And that the younger blonde had told him that she still wanted everything with him that she had wanted before he had told her about the surgery. How she had reacted when he had told Abby and her what his names were gonna be and lastly what Abby had told her about what Alex had said to the lanky brunette. How they had danced around each other for years and how much they had been through and that he knew that he wanted for ever with the beautiful blonde. And he knew that even though it was extremely fast it was the right thing to do.

"You're gonna get me killed one day, you know? Alright since you want to play cupid, let's go inside. Alex and I never did things the normal way, why start now. But I warn you, if you were wrong or lying to me I swear I kill you and I do get away with it." Oliver says sternly, but a smile threatens to break through.

"Normal ain't in your dictionaries Oli. I know I'm gonna get ya killed one day, just not one day soon." Abby smirks.

Oliver shakes his head and walks into the store with Abby following behind him. Oliver was lucky that Abby knew Alex's ring size as it was the same size as her own and he'd found the perfect ring soon. After buying the ring the two of them went to the market and bought the fresh ingredients they needed for Alex's surprise dinner and after that they went to the supermarket to buy the rest. When they were on their way back to the car Alex called to ask where they were. She had just woken up and found the note. Abby lied to Alex that they were still in the grocery store and that they would be back in half an hour, give or take a few minutes.

The rest of the afternoon they had spent playing card games and watching a movie. Around 5 pm Oliver and Abby had ordered Alex to go outside and relax in a lounge chair with a book. Alex had agreed but she knew something was coming up. When she asked for it Abby had said that they were just making a simple meal but that they wanted it to be a surprise. After an hour dinner was ready and the table was set and Oliver called Alex that dinner was ready. Abby and Oliver had made Alex's favorite dish, casuela, with a side salad. Alex was touched that Oliver and Abby had made her favorite dish. The three went to sit down and Alex said multiple times how delicious it was. Oliver and Abby had spoken about when Oliver would ask Alex and they decided that Abby would go do the dishes alone after their dinner so that Oliver could ask Alex. It wasn't romantic like Oliver actually wanted it to be, but Abby had said that to Alex it wouldn't matter, that she never would have thought that Oliver would ask her in the first place so soon. And that if he would drop on his knee, if that was possible, and ask her it would mean the world to the blonde. As the end of their meal came closer Oliver got nervous and was quieter than he normally would have been. Alex noticed it but decided not to ask about it right then and ask him what was wrong when they would be alone. Dinner was finished and Abby gets up to clean the table. Alex stands up and helps her to get everything to the kitchen.

"Abby, you and Oliver went to get the groceries and made dinner for me. How about I help you with the dishes? We can sit down and relax sooner if we're doing it together." Alex asks.

"I'll do the dishes alone. It's your special evening Alex. Go sit with Oliver. Really it's ok." Abby answers.

"Alright, but what did I do to deserve all of this?" Alex asks.

"Making Oliver happy. To be there for him but most of all to love him. Now go sit down with your boyfriend and enjoy your evening." Abby smiles.

"Alright, I'll go sit down. You two are up to something. I don't know what it is yet but I will figure it out before the evening is over." Alex says.

Abby just smiled and motions Alex to get out the kitchen. Alex shakes her head and goes back to the dinner table and sits down next to Oliver.

"Liv, you've been quiet during dinner. Is there something wrong?" Alex asks.

"No nothing is wrong. I do have a question to ask you. But let's go sit on the couch first." Oliver answers.

"You know that if something is wrong you can talk to me, right?" Alex asks.

"I know. And I will if there is something wrong." Oliver answers.

Alex gets up and helps the Detective and they walk to the couch. Oliver had pulls out the jewelry box out of his pocket when Alex walked to the couch in front of him and holds it behind his back. Alex sits down and waits for Oliver to sit down too. As soon as Alex is sitting Oliver carefully drops on one knee and pulls the box from behind his back. Alex sees the box and tears are coming in her eyes.

"Alex I'm the happiest and most blessed guy in the world to have a girlfriend like you. You are here for me when I need you the most. You make me feel safe and loved. You get me like no one else. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are smart, funny, caring, devoted and so much more. I know we had agreed to go slow and on my pace and physically we will need to do that. But these passed few days you have showed me that you truly love me and will be there for me, that you won't leave me and that made me realize that even though we are only shortly together I never want to life without you by my side. That even though there are a lot of things going on, I know for sure that we'll get through it. That I will get trough it because I have you right beside me. But there is one thing differently now, I don't want you to be at my side as my girlfriend, I want you to be at my side as my wife. Alexandra Laura Cabot will you do me the great honor to become my wife? Will you marry me?" Oliver asks.

"Yes. Yes Oliver Alexander Benson, I will marry you." Alex chokes out.

**A/N Y'all didn't see this coming, did ya? Surprise, surprise.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"**A woman knows the face of the man she loves like as a sailor knows the open sea." - Honore de Balzac.**

"_Yes. Yes Oliver Alexander Benson, I will marry you." Alex chokes out._

Oliver takes the ring out of its box and picks up Alex's left hand. He slips the ring around her ring finger and kisses the ring before he let go of the blonde's hand. When Alex looks down she gasps as she sees the ring. Two beautiful pear shaped blue sapphires set in a platinum band with a beautiful centered diamond.

"Oh Liv, it's beautiful." Alex whispers.

Alex looks at the ring again before she looks back into the beautiful brown eyes she loves so much.

"You asked me to marry you. We're getting married!" Alex squeals out loud.

Even though Abby knew that Alex would say yes, the Texan runs into the living room as she hears the younger blond squealing. Just in time to see Alex jump up from the couch and kneeling in front of Oliver clasping her hands around his face and kissing him tenderly on his lips. Before she pulls back and leans her forehead against the Detective's and stares into his eyes. They look at each other for a few seconds before they look aside and see Abby standing beside them.

"Told ya she would say yes, Benson." Abby smiles.

Oliver smiles widely as he gets up with the help from Alex. As soon as he is back on his feet Abby pulls him carefully in a big hug. After Abby let go the tall brunette pulls Alex in a bone crushing hug.

"Hey Carmichael, be careful with my fiancé." Oliver says.

Abby steps back and looks at them both.

"Congratulations guys. I'm so happy for the both of ya. Now let me see your ring Alex! Our big bad Detective here wouldn't let me see the ring. I could come with him into the store but that was it. Told me that no way in hell I would see the ring before ya." Abby says.

Alex looks at Oliver who grins sheepishly at the blonde. Alex shakes her head and smiles. The blonde holds up her hand and immediately Abby grabs it and pulls it brunette gasps too when she sees the ring.

"Damn, Oli. Ya sure know how to win a gal's heart. This ring is beautiful. And the sapphires are matching Alex's eyes." Abby says.

"I know that's why I chose it. The moment I saw it I knew it was the one because of their color." Oliver says softly.

"You're one lucky gal, Cabot." Abby smirks.

"I know. I have the most wonderful and caring fiancé in the world." Alex answers while looking at Oliver, the love clearly in her eyes.

"Get a room you two. There is only so much cheesiness I can handle." Abby jokes.

"Seriously, I'm really happy for ya. Oli here needed a few encouraging words, but it was his own choice to step into that store and buy an engagement ring for ya, Alex." Abby says softly.

Hearing Abby's words Alex looks surprised at Oliver.

"She didn't drag you into the store?" Alex asks.

"No she didn't. She only told me you had said that if it was up to you that you would have said yes if I asked you to marry me. That's all. That sneaky weasel had talked with me first when you were in the shower this morning. And my best guess is that she talked with you when I was in the bedroom resting. Anyway, When we were passing by the jewelry store we were talking about our relationship and I knew that it was no coincidence that we were walking there at that time. I stopped walking and after Abby told me what you said I thought about for a minute and decided that I didn't want to wait. We never did anything normal so why start now? So I walked into the store and bought your engagement ring." Oliver answers.

"You're amazing. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I want to wait till you have your name changed legally. I want to marry you when you're legally Oliver Alexander Benson." Alex says.

"I want that too, Lex. I want to marry you when my names are official. If we are lucky we don't have to wait for that too long. One of the nurses in the hospital said that should I decide to keep my testicles and wanted to get a surgery, I could change my name legally already because I don't have a uterus anymore. She didn't say anything about having my testicles and if that would give problems or not but we can find that out." Oliver says.

"Well it looks like we have some things to look up then tonight. If you want that too of course. Maybe we could find out what to do and how you process goes too." Alex answers.

"I think that's a good idea. If it's alright with you, Abs. You stay here so we could spend a weekend with the three of us. Not to look up stuff and find things out." Oliver says.

"Are you kidding me. I would love to do this. Learn more about how the process works and learn about your transition. And I certainly want to know for sure if you can change your name or not legally. So I'm game, Benson." Abby says.

They agreed that Abby would look on Alex's laptop and that Alex and Oliver would look on Oliver's laptop. Abby would search for what Oliver needs to be able to change his name and Alex and Oliver would look for information about his transition. After an hour they made up the balance. Alex and Oliver agreed that they needed to get the correct information via a gender team because they had found information how things would go normally but they couldn't find it for Oliver's situation. Now it's Abby turn to tell Alex and Oliver what she'd found.

"If you have a letter from the hospital confirming that your uterus has been removed, you can start the procedure to change your name immediately. You need a copy of your id or passport, a letter from the hospital, a copy of your birth certificate and a form of good behavior. You take all of this to a lawyer and they start the procedure and it should be done in 8 weeks till 3 months. After it's changed legally you can get a new id or passport a new driver license and then you can change your name and gender at the police department, insurance company and everything else that is needed. So basically if you want it you can start the procedure Monday if you have that letter from the hospital, Oli." Abby explains.

"I do have that letter from the hospital. So I can get the other forms and start it as soon as we want. What do you think, Lex?" Oliver asks.

"If you take it easy tomorrow, we could go to NY Monday at the end of the morning or early afternoon if you want. But if we do that we stay at your or my place for the night. It will be too much to go there and back and take care of all the forms on one day. We can come back here on Tuesday. But that depends on what you want, Liv. If we do it like I just said than I'm ok with going on Monday. If not, we go when you're further with your recovery. Physically. So it's up to you." Alex answers.

"Maybe it's for the best to stay in NY and come back here on Tuesday. We need to talk with Liz and Cragen too. About our engagement and about my transition. I would like to go Monday and start the procedure to change my name. On the other hand, if I go change my name, I need to talk with the guys too." Oliver says.

"You don't have to tell them about your transition immediately. From what Abby says it takes 8 weeks at least for changing your name, assuming you start it on Monday. We could talk with Liz and Cragen together, I mean with Liz and Cragen at the same time. That way you only have to tell your story once. And we can tell them we're getting married too. We have time to figure out when and how you want to tell the guys it. We already agreed not to get married before your name is changed legally." Alex says.

"You're right. I want for you to have your dream wedding, Lex. It takes time to get everything planned. Everything you want you can have it. The only thing I ask for is not to get a huge wedding with 2000 guest or something like that." Oliver answers.

"I won't do that to you. I know you would hate that. It's your special day too, Oliver. Not just mine. We are marrying together. What you want is equally important. So how about we go to NY on Monday to start the procedure for changing your name and talk with Liz and Cragen and come back here on Tuesday and we go from there? We don't know when the trials are yet. If we're lucky and Abs won't get a motion for a speedy trial on Monday or Tuesday morning, we can go back. If not it depends on who the Judge is and when they plan the date to start the trials." Alex asks.

"Alright, let's go to NY on Monday. I only hope that Liz has time on Monday. It's on the last moment when we call Monday. If they don't get a new case Cap. should be able to make it as far as I know. But then again I don't know what they got in the past week." Oliver says.

"What time is it?" Alex asks.

Oliver looks on his watch.

"8.30 PM. Why?" Oliver asks.

"I call Liz now. If she can't make it Monday perhaps we skip everything to Tuesday." Alex answers.

"It's Saturday evening, Alex. It's not that urgent that we need to disturb Liz in the weekend for this." Oliver says.

"Nonsense. I'm sure Liz won't mind if I call her now. And it is important, Liv. For you and for me it is and therefore it is for Liz." Alex says.

"Alright. But don't put it on me when she does get mad." Oliver answers.

"I know for sure she won't get mad. But if she would, I won't hold you responsible for it." Alex answers.

Alex walks to the coffee table where her smart phone is and calls Liz. As Alex said Liz wasn't mad that the younger blonde called her on Saturday evening. The first thing she asked was if the Detective was alright. A couple of minutes later Alex hung up.

"Monday at 3 PM Liz is expecting us." Alex says.

" Alright, good. Should I call the Cap. or do I wait till Monday morning?" Oliver asks.

"If you think he has time Monday at 3 PM than you don't have to call him now. But if you want to be sure you could call him now." Alex answers.

"I think I'm gonna call him. I don't want to worry all day tomorrow if he can make it or not? Besides if he can't make it we need to pick a time with him." Oliver answers.

Oliver takes his smart phone from his belt and calls Cragen. They talk for a couple of minutes and Cragen can make it at 3 PM at Liz's office. After Oliver hangs up he let out a sigh. Everything they could do has been done for now. He is nervous about Monday and both ADA's see that Oliver is worried.

"Hey Oli, it's gonna be alright. Don and Liz both care for you and for Alex. I really doubt they'll react badly. To tell ya the truth I think they may be surprised that you and Alex are gonna get married but they both will be happy. As for your transition, do you really think he's gonna react badly? Of course I don't know Don as well as the both of ya do but I really think that he'll support ya too. Sure he will be surprised, maybe a bit shocked but in the end all he wants is for you to be happy. He isn't a man with a short sided vision. He's pretty open minded. I really think that you are more worried than ya have to be. I know it's easy talking for me, I'm not the one that has to talk with him and going through the process. But I sincerely doubt he won't support ya and let ya down." Abby says.

"I know that you are probably right. But still it scares the hell out of me." Oliver says.

"Do you really think that I let either of them fall out against you? I'm right at your side Oliver, where I belong. I won't let them badger you. I agree with Abs, I don't think they will react badly neither but should they do that I'm there for you. And trust me my wrath will get a whole new level should that happen and for some reason you're not able to defend yourself. Hell even if you do defend yourself I still will kick their asses. They may be our bosses but I won't accept that behavior from nobody and if I won't do it, Tex here will. Granted Carmichael will probably kick their assess literally and I won't, that's your department. But I'm not sure what they would prefer. Abby or I." Alex says.

Abby snickers, knowing perfectly what they would prefer.

"I know. They rather get their ass kicked by me than to be at the end of your wrath, Cabot. And now that you and Oli are getting married I'll bet my life on it. Speaking of a wrath. Everyone we know chooses the both of us together over Detective Badass here for the same reason. Anyone in their right mind knows that they're playing with their lives. And every person who still wants to try it has a death wish." Abby smirks.

"Alright. Enough serious subjects. How about we watch a movie before we go to bed?" Oliver asks.

"I think I could go for that, how about you Abs? Which movie do you want to see, Detective?" Alex asks.

"Yeah I'm in." Abby answers.

"The hot chick." Oliver answers.

Abby and Alex roll their eyes.

"Really, dude? Y'all are all the same. Of course ya choose a movie with a title like that." Abby says.

"Calm down Counselors. It's not what it sounds. I promise. It's a chick flick, sort of. So it's not a 'dude' movie at all. Trust me the both of you are gonna like it. When the movie has ended and one of you still don't like it, I'll watch toddlers and tiara's with both of you for two weeks." Oliver says.

"You're pretty sure of yourself, Detective. Toddlers and tiara's huh. Fine, deal. But you're gonna watch it for a month every possible day. And that means no excuses." Alex says.

"Leave me out of it, Cabot. You can watch it with Oli here, but I sure ain't gonna watch toddlers and tiara's for four damn weeks. But I do agree with the deal." Abby says.

"Fine, four weeks. Now let's watch the movie." Oliver answers.

The three of them made themselves comfortable and watched the movie. At the end of the movie Alex and Abby had to give in and agreed with Oliver that it was not what they thought it would be. After the movie they all went to bed, Abby in the spare room again. Alex and Oliver talked for a little while before they went to sleep too. This time Alex snuggled up against Oliver. And although he still had a nightmare. It was a better night than the onces before.

Sunday they sat down at the lake. Alex and Abby went swimming in the lake to cool down while Oliver watched them. Well more Alex of course. It was a nice relaxed day. Abby left after dinner that evening. Alex and Oliver decided to call it a night early. They tried the same thing as the night before but unfortunately that night it didn't work as well as the night before. In the morning Alex helped Oliver in the shower. She watched very carefully at the Detective's reaction and stayed behind him. She also skipped his private parts and let him do that himself. After they had eaten breakfast they went back to NY and took care of all the things they needed to do for Oliver's name change. They would visit a lawyer the next morning with all the paperwork to start the procedure. When they were done they went to Oliver's apartment for lunch and to take a nap or at least lay down before they would go to 1 Hogan. Abby called when they were on their way from Oliver's apartment to Liz's office to support Oliver.

"How do you want to do this? Do you want to tell them about your transition first or do we tell them that we're gonna get married first?" Alex asks.

"Maybe it's better to tell them we are gonna get married first. Break the ice a bit. Unless you think it's better to do it the other way around." Oliver answers.

"No, I think you're right. They'll be more relaxed and we'll be more relaxed too." Alex says.

"Alright. Then that's how we're gonna do it." Oliver says.

"It will be alright, Liv. I'm there with you. If at some point you don't know how to say something or want me to tell it, say it. I'm there to help you if you need it. And I'm proud of you, Detective. Very proud about what you're going to do." Alex says.

"I know you'll be there. I don't think I could do it without you. Just having you next to me will help me so much already." Oliver replies.

Alex puts her hand on Oliver's knee and squeezes him softly before she puts her hand back on the steering wheel. They are now at 1 Hogan and Alex drives the car into the parking garage. After she kills the engine she steps out the car and walks around it to help Oliver out of it. After the blonde locked the car she takes Oliver's hand in her own and holds it while they walk to the elevator. At exactly 3 PM they are in front of Liz's office and they both take a deep breath before Alex knocks on the door. They hear Liz calling to come inside and they look at each other one last time before Alex opens the door and walks inside with Oliver following behind her, closing the door behind him.

"Olivia, how are you doing?" Liz asks.

Oliver winches on the inside. After hearing Oliver the past few days it's awkward and a bit painful to hear the name Olivia again.

"Physically it's going alright." Oliver answers.

"That's good to hear. Take a seat, please." Liz says.

Alex shoves one of the chairs closer to the other one before they sit down. Liz and Cragen both see that Oliver is nervous about something but at the same time it seems that Alex and Oliver are glowing.

"Since you both requested our presence, here, together I assume that you have something important to share with us. " Liz says.

Oliver looks at Alex who nods at Oliver telling him to take the lead.

"Yes there are two important things we want to talk about with the both of you. Well more like sharing with you both, or telling you." Oliver says.

"Is there something wrong, Olivia?" Cragen asks.

Oliver turns to look at Alex.

"I changed my mind. I want to do it the other way around." Oliver says softly.

"Alright, Liv. Do what is the most comfortable for you. Do you want to say yourself or do you want me to tell it?" Alex asks softly.

Looking at Oliver, Alex sees that Oliver starts to panic. She stands up and moves to stand in front of Oliver and kneels down.

"Hey honey, it's alright. I'm right here with you. Nothing will happen to you. You're safe here. It's just Liz and Cragen. Try to calm down, take a deep breath, sweetie." Alex softly says while looking into Olivers eyes.

Alex takes Olivers right hand in her own and squeezes it softly. Seeing Alex in front of him and feeling her touch calms Oliver down a bit and he takes a deep breath and slowly blows it out.

"That's it, Liv. You don't have to do this now if you're not ready for it. Nobody is gonna force you if you changed your mind." Alex says softly

"No it's alright. I just panicked. I'm ok now. I just don't know what's the best to do first." Oliver whispers.

"How about I tell it to them and after that you tell them about us." Alex whispers back.

"Ok. Thank you, Lex. No wait, I do want tell them about us first." Oliver says softly.

"What ever you want. It's alright." Alex says.

Alex stands up again and sits down next to Oliver. Still holding his hand to give him strength.

"Nothing is wrong, well not really. I mean besides what happened to me." Oliver says.

"Take your time. We're not in a hurry." Cragen says.

Oliver looks at Alex one last time before he looks at Cragen and Liz and back again at his Captain.

"Alex and I are going to get married and I'm getting a sex changing surgery." Oliver blurts out.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N I'm happy that Alex is so supportive for Oliver. Alex and Oliver have found the love of their life. Have someone to love and who loves them. My girlfriend is absolutely the love of MY life. May y'all find that someone too if you don't have them already. **

Chapter 22

"**You can give without loving, but you never can love without loving." - Robert Louis Stevenson.**

_Oliver looks at Alex one last time before he looks at Cragen and Liz and back again at his Captain._

"_Alex and I are going to get married and I'm getting a sex changing surgery." Oliver blurts out._

It was silent for a few seconds. Liz and Cragen both looked shocked at Alex and Oliver. This certainly was not what they expected. True they didn't know what to expect but this they didn't see coming. Even Alex looked a bit shocked at the Detective. The blonde ADA knows that Oliver is nervous but she didn't expect him to blurt it all out at once. Of course Alex is the first one to react.

"He is telling the truth. Well more like blurting it out because he is nervous. But he asked me to marry him and I said yes. And I say him because I stand behind his decision and I support him. Which I hope, after you got over the shock, you'll do too." Alex says, smiling at Oliver.

"Well I'm surprised and at the same time I'm not. Yes it is soon but on the other hand I know that you belong to each other. So congratulations to the both of you. That's the part I'm not surprised about. As for getting a sex changing surgery, are you sure Olivia, uhm Detective is probably better?" Cragen asks.

"Thank you Captain. Yes I'm sure." Oliver answers.

"Well then I'm happy for you. I admit that I will need some time to adjust to it but I will support you and Alex wherever I can." Cragen says.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry for blurting it out like this but I'm really nervous." Oliver says.

"Thank you, Don. This means a lot to me too." Alex says.

Alex and Oliver both look at Liz for her reaction.

"Well I'm more surprised about the two of you getting married. I didn't expect for Detective Benson to ask you so soon, Alexandra. However, the two of you are never doing things the normal way so somehow this fits in too I guess. Congratulations Alexandra, you finally tamed the wild horse that Detective Benson was. Congratulations Detective. Normally I would give you the don't-hurt-her- speech but that is not necessary with you. I know you rather kill yourself before you would hurt Alexandra in any way. I know you will always protect her and defend her. So you figured out what to do, Detective. Well I had some time to think about it myself so this doesn't come as a big shock to me. I know that Alexandra will be there for you and support you but if you ever need my help don't hesitate to come to me. You're family now Benson, and we take care of our family." Liz says.

"Thank you Liz." Oliver whispers.

Everyone in the office knows what it means to the Detective. Alex squeezes Oliver's hand and softly smiles at the Detective when he looks at her. Liz and Cragen both see how much they love each other by the look in their eyes. Right then they know what they already knew. Alex and Oliver are made for each other. Now that Oliver seems to be more relaxed Liz decides to ask some questions.

"Detective, if you don't mind asking me, what's your name gonna be and do you know when you can change it legally? Do you guys have set a date when you get married?" Liz asks.

Oliver looks with pride in his eyes at Alex before he turns his attention at Liz.

"As a matter of fact, we're gonna start the procedure to change my name tomorrow. It will take between 8 weeks and 3 months. We don't haven't set a date yet, but we want to wait till my names are changed." Oliver answers.

"That's soon. I can understand why the two of you want to wait till your name is officially changed. Care to share with us what your name is or names are?" Liz asks smiling.

"I haven't changed my first name much but my middle name I chose for a very specific and important reason. Abby and Alex already call me it and Abby even have a new nickname already. It will be legal soon but since this weekend I'm Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver answers proudly.

Liz and Cragen both raises their eyebrow at hearing Oliver's middle name.

"Oliver I get. Suits you well. Care to explain why Alexander?" Liz asks.

"Thank you. For two reasons, one is because Alex's father is the closest thing I have to a father. He always makes me feel like to him I'm a part of the family, although I don't know if his opinion will stay same now that I'm a guy. The most important and main reason is because of Alex. I wanted to have her name somewhere in my name and the chances are that I will keep my own last name when we're getting married. This way we still are connected by our names." Oliver answers.

"You really thought about it. I think it's a beautiful thought and gesture. What's Abby's new nickname for you, Oliver? And how do you call him now, Alexandra besides Oliver of course?" Liz asks.

"Carmichael calls me Oli now." Oliver answers.

"Liz, give them a break, you keep asking them questions." Cragen smiles.

"Well I'm a lawyer aren't I, asking questions is what we do." Liz counters.

"Yeah well, Benson and I are cops, we ask questions too. At least I let them breath." Cragen answers.

Alex and Oliver look at each and shaking their heads with smiles on their faces.

"Anyway, to answer your question Liz, I still call him Liv. He said I'm the only one that may call him Liv." Alex smiles.

"Oliver, do you know when you are going to tell it the guys?" Cragen asks.

"Well to announce our engagement we thought of giving a party when we're back in NY again. Just for the guys and a few extra persons. I'm sure that if Alex's parents are ok with what I'm going to do I'll be dragged into some high society engagement party." Oliver answers with a frown on his face.

"I wouldn't be so worried about that, Liv. I refuse to have a big engagement party and a big wedding. So my mom needs to choose. I doubt she wants to skip a big wedding, big for us that is. To her it's small." Alex says.

"I believe that when I see it. As for telling the guys about my transition, I want to do that when it's relatively quiet, no big cases. I know I have some time, but I'd rather have it behind me so that I can focus on my recovery." Oliver says.

"Well, it's quiet now. If you're up to it we could go there after we are done here." Cragen says.

Oliver looks at Alex.

"If you're ready for it we can go to the precinct. If you're not we don't. You have time so you could wait, honey. It's up to you. If you think you're ready and you can handle it than you can tell them. What ever you decide to do I support your choice." Alex says.

"If we go now I don't have to worry about it anymore. I know what they think afterwards. And if it doesn't go well, I have you. And we're going back to the cabin tomorrow so I don't have to deal with them for some time." Oliver says.

"You always have me, Detective. But maybe you are right. You're not going back soon so that will give it time to let it rest and for them to adjust. We are not going back soon. Tomorrow we're going back to cabin and it's just you and me then. So if you want to do it, I'd say we should go." Alex says.

"Alright, let's do it and get over with it then." Oliver answers.

Alex and Oliver talked a bit longer with Liz and Cragen and then the three of them go to the precinct. Cragen had taken a cab to 1 Hogan so Alex and Oliver offered him a ride to the precinct. When they walk inside the squad room everybody is there including Abby who was there for a case. They were informed by Cragen that something had happened to Oliver but he didn't tell them what. All he said that she took some time off to deal with things. He also hadn't told them about the hysterectomy they had done in the hospital.

"Look who are here to pay us a visit?" Fin says and walks to Alex and Oliver to give them both a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Fin asks.

"We had an appointment with Liz and the Captain. We thought we should come here too. There is something I need to tell you guys." Oliver answers.

Abby just came back from the restroom and hears what Oliver says.

"Hey Oil. Good to see you." Abby smirks.

"Hey Texas. Good to see you too." Oliver smirks back.

"Teflon!" Munch yells.

"Hi Munch." Alex greets.

The others come to greet the pair too. After every had said their hello's they all go to stand around Oliver's and Nick's desk. Alex of course sits on the corner of Oliver's desk like she always does.

"So what do you need to tell us? Must be important if you come for it now." Nick asks.

Oliver looks at Alex for encouragement. The blonde gives a short nod and smiles at the Detective.

"All my life I thought something was wrong with me and I couldn't figure out what. Until recently. I don't know how to tell this the easy way so I'm gonna just say it." Oliver says.

The Detective looks at Alex again.

"You can do this, Liv. I'm here and so is Abby." Alex whispers.

Oliver nods at Alex and takes a deep breath.

"I was born with the wrong body. I'm going to get a sex changing surgery." Oliver says.

After Oliver spoke it's getting silent in the squad room. Every one needs some time to think about it. Oliver looks anxious around at his colleagues before he looks at Alex. Alex moves over a bit and takes Oliver hand in her own and squeezes him before she let go again. Fin is the first one to react. He walks to Oliver.

"So you finally figured out we are the better part huh. Welcome to the gang the call men." Fin says as and he slaps Oliver on his back.

As Fin steps back Munch walks to Oliver.

"You always had the biggest balls of us all. But I really thought you were gonna say that you and Teflon finally got together. Just know I still have your back, Benson." Munch says.

Munch steps aside and stands next to Fin.

"Thank you guys, this means a lot to me." Oliver says.

Nick and Elliot are still standing on their spot both shocked. Elliot more than Nick is. Amanda walks to Oliver after Munch stepped aside.

"Thanks a lot dude, now I'm the only female here. Just promise me ya ain't gonna be such an asshole as the rest of them can be." Amanda says.

The female Detective hugs Oliver carefully knowing that something happened to him and what ever it is she don't want to scare him off. Oliver just nods. Stunned and overwhelmed with the positive reactions from his colleagues. Suddenly Elliot gets out his shocked state and walks to Oliver and grabs his arm and drags him to the other side of the squad room before he let go.

"I know you've been through a lot in your life. This not you. This not who you are. You're not crazy. You're just confused. I know I'm not your partner anymore but talk with me. I can help you so you won't be confused anymore. You don't really want to do this." Elliot says.

"You are wrong. This is who I am. What I am. I'm not confused Elliot. And talking with you is not gonna help. This is what I need to do. I don't ask for you to understand it. I ask for you to try to accept it. I know you won't be as supportive as Alex is. All I can ask for is to try to accept it." Olivia says.

Elliot laughs cynically.

"You aren't like this! This is wrong, this is sick. I never can accept it and I don't need to. You're not like this!" Elliot says, raising his voice.

"No Elliot, you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with people who are not like you, straight. I finally know what it was and I'm gonna be happy for the firs time my life." Oliver says, trying to keep his voice down.

"Alex won't support you. She is an Ice queen who doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself! And she's never sticks around long enough to be there for you! She always leaves when it gets to hard. She always has done that and will always! Once she finds out that you're have gone crazy and you go through with this insane idea she walks away from you and leave you alone. Afraid for her political career!" Elliot yells.

"That's enough, Stabler. Don't you dare talk about Alex like that. You're an egoistical son of a bitch. You're a jealous asshole. Alex didn't have a choice but to leave twice. Her life was in danger and you know it. Talk like that about her again and I'll kick your sorry ass." Oliver growls.

Oliver turns around to walk away but Elliot stops him by yanking him at his arm and turn him around. Fin and Nick walk to the other side where Elliot and Oliver are but they are too late.

"So you're a tough guy now huh? Let's see how tough you really are." Elliot growls.

Before Oliver can react Elliot slams his fist hard into Oliver's stomach. Before Elliot can hit again Fin and Nick grab him by his arms and drags him away from Oliver. Oliver clutch his stomach and screams out from pain before he drops on the floor. Elliot tries to free himself to go after Oliver again but Fin and Nick hold him tight at his arms. As soon as Alex sees that Elliot hits Oliver in his stomach she runs to the Detective who is now laying down on the floor. Curled up and holding his stomach. Abby runs to Oliver behind Alex.

"Liv! Liv, honey, are you alright?" Alex asks worried.

"Lex, it hurts" Oliver whispers.

"What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Alex asks.

"My stomach hurts. Something is not right." Oliver whispers.

"Pull your hand away. Let me look at you, honey." Alex says, with fear in her voice.

Slowly Oliver pulls his hand away and Alex's gasp as she sees the blood coming through his shirt. Abby sees it too and turns around.

"Call an ambulance! Oli is hurt!" Abby yells.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N I had some problems with my PC and then with my smartphone I have a beta reader but somehow I couldn't get her corrected version here. So I apologize for any mistakes that are still here.**

Chapter 23

Slowly Oliver pulls his hand away and Alex gasps as she sees the blood coming through his shirt. Abby sees it too and turns around.  
"Call an ambulance! Oli is hurt!" Abby yells.

Munch runs to his desk and calls for a bus and asks Amanda to go downstairs to the reception desk to lead them back to the squad room. Cragen immediately walks to Oliver and when he sees the blood on his shirt he knows that something is wrong with his Detective. Abby looks at Nick and Fin.

"Arrest the asshole for assaulting an officer of the law. " Abby growls.

Abby looks like she's gonna kill Elliot but manages to keep herself relatively calm. Knowing that Oliver needs her now and that if she attacks the son of a bitch she'll get sued herself. Cragen walks to where Fin and Nick are standing with Elliot.

"Let go of him for a moment. " Cragen says.

Nick and Fin let him go but make sure that they can grab him should he make a move.

"Stabler, give me your gun and badge. " Cragen orders.

"Are you serious? You gonna arrest me for hitting her? She's the one that's crazy and I need to pay for it? " Elliot yells.

"Give me your gun and badge, Detective! Now!" Cragen says sternly with a cold voice.

Elliot pulls his gun and badge from his belt and hands them over to Cragen. "Fin, cuff the bastard. " Cragen orders.

Fin pulls his cuffs from behind his back and cuffs Elliot tightly.

"Elliot Stabler, you are under arrest for assaulting an officer of the law. " Cragen says and read him his Miranda rights.

"Fin, take him downstairs to the holding cells. Nick, walk with them. I don't want that things go down and end up worse than they already are. " Cragen says.

In the meantime at the other side of the squad room. Alex had pulled off her jacket and putted it under Oliver's head. Then she carefully pulls up Oliver's shirt a little higher than his navel. When Alex sees the blood on Oliver's stomach she gasps Oliver's name.

"The outside looks worse than it is, Lex. I popped a couple of stitches. The inside is what hurts. " Oliver says softly. "I "I "I don't care what it looks like, I know something is wrong when you say you're in pain. Munch called for an ambulance. I'm sure they'll be here soon. " Alex says softly.

"You're coming with me in the ambulance? " Oliver asks.

" Of course I am. " Alex answers.

Abby looks down at Oliver's stomach and gets angrier and angrier.

"I'm gonna charge the sick bastard with everything I can think of. " Abby growls.

Alex looks up at Abby.

"I want you to nail his balls to the wall and make him pay. " Alex says with her courtroom voice.

"Don't worry about that, Alex. He'll pay." Abby says.

After Munch called an ambulance he walks to Oliver, Alex and Abby. When he sees Oliver's stomach he looks shocked .

"Bus is here soon. This isn't from one blow into your stomach. What happened? " Munch asks.

Oliver looks panicked at Alex and Abby. Alex squeezes Oliver's hand and answers Munch's question.

"Oliver had a surgery in the hospital last week after he was hit by a car. That's all you need to know for now, John. " Alex answers sternly but with a soft voice.

The Sergeant knows better than ask what happened, hearing the tone in Alex's voice. Then he raises his eyebrow.

"Oliver, that's your new name, Benson? " Munch asks, trying to distract Oliver.

"Yes it is." Oliver answers.

" Good choice. I like it. Now I get it why Abby said Oli. " Munch says.

Munch stays with Oliver to distract him till Amanda comes back with the paramedics and then walks away to give them some space and Oliver and Alex some privacy. Knowing that they need to tell wh a t happened before. The paramedics walk across the squad room with a gurney.

"What happened, Detective Benson? " One of the paramedics asks.

" I've been hit hard in my stomach. I had a hysterectomy last week. My stomach hurts and it's not from popping a few stitches. " Oliver answers.

The paramedic examinations Oliver's stomach. When she pushes lower on Oliver's stomach the Detective yelps. The paramedics immediately know something is wrong and they quickly lay Oliver on the gurney. Cragen, Munch and Amanda are standing closer now but not so close that they are standing in the way.

"Alex is coming with me. " Oliver says.

" Who is Alex? " One of the paramedics asks as he looks around looking for a guy.

"I'm Alex." Alex answers.

"Are you family, Ma, am?" The paramedic asks.

" I'm Detective Benson's MPA. " Alex answers.

"That's good to know, but unless you're family you can't go with the ambulance. I'm sorry. " The paramedic says.

Alex looks at Oliver and sees 'the' look in his eyes. Before the younger blonde can react, Oliver speaks up.

"She is my fiancé and SHE is coming with me. " Oliver says sternly.

"Alright, she can come with us. Let's go. You could have said that in the first place." The paramedic says.

The paramedics quickly walk with Oliver on the gurney out of the squad room, with Alex walking next to him holding his hand. This time they're going to Mount Sinai. Abby is following them and goes with her own car to the hospital to be there for Alex. There is nothing she can do at this time of the day since it's passed 5 PM. She'll press charges first thing tomorrow morning when she knows how Oliver is doing. Left behind in the squad room Munch and Amanda are shocked by the Detective's 'announcement' about Alex and him being engaged. They didn't know they were together let alone being engaged. They turn to Cragen to ask him about it but the look on their Captain's face stops them from asking.

"Shouldn't someone call Stabler's wife to tell her where her husband is and what's going on? " Amanda asks.

Cragen sighs before he answers the question.

"I'll go to Kathy and explain the situation to her and tell her what happened. Munch, when Fin and Amaro are back I want you to go to the hospital with Amaro and find out how Oliver is doing. Make sure that if Amaro has problems with Oliver's change he'll be respectful towards Alex. I do not tolerate disrespectful behavior from anyone. If Stabler wouldn't have hit Oliver I would have suspended him for his behavior. Now IAB probably wants to fire his ass and I won't try to stop them. If Fin and Amaro wouldn't have stopped him he would have beaten him up." Cragen answers.

" Good luck Sir. I'll make sure that Nick behaves himself in front of Alex if he has problems with it. I won't tolerate it neither. If you had said it or not. You go to Kathy, as soon as I know how Oliver is doing I'll come back to the precinct. " Munch says.

"Alright. If you need me, call me otherwise I see the two of you when I'm back here. " Cragen says.

Both Amanda and Munch nod at Cragen and then the Captain leaves the squad room to go and have a very difficult conversation with Kathy. One he always hoped he would never have to have with her. Of course this is by far not as worse than going to a cop's wife and tell her that her husband died doing their duty. But still this is not exactly easy too.

When Abby arrives as t the hospital she arrived about 15 minutes after Oliver and Alex got there. Abby walks to the ER waiting room and after looking around for Alex she spots the blonde ADA and walks to her.

" Hey Alex. Do ya know more about Oli?" Abby asks.

" No, I don't. They took him straight behind the doors. His vitals were getting lower during the ride to the hospital. The paramedic said that it could be an internal bleeding. What the hell is wrong with that asshole? I knew he wouldn't accept it but did you expect him to actually attack Liv? " Alex asks.

" No I didn't expect this to happen. Sure the bastard had anger issues but I never thought he would attack Oliver. I thought he would get nasty against you once he would find out that the two of ya are engaged. Maybe try to hurt you but never Oli. My guess is that something snapped inside of him when he realized that he would never get Oliver even without knowing about your relationship. But then again the man is as bigoted as you can get them. But attacking Oliver is the last thing I thought he would do." Abby answers.

" I never saw this coming. I would have walked to them earlier if I suspected something like this would happen. But I really didn't. I'm scared Abby, scared for what can be wrong with Liv. He never says or admits he is in pain. So when he says that he is, it must be really bad." Alex says softly.

" I know you're worried. But Oli is a fighter. No matter what it is he'll fight. Now even harder than before. He has you to fight for and that will get him through this. I'm convinced he'll get through this because of you." Abby says.

"I know he is a fighter. I just hate it that he is in so much pain. " Alex says.

" I know ya hate it. I hate it too. But he'll make it through this. The hardest part for you is that ya have to wait. But I'm here with you. " Abby says.

It was an hour later when Munch and Nick arrived at the hospital. As soon as Munch was in the ER waiting room and he saw Alex he walked to her and pulled the blonde in a hug.

" I know you're worried about Oliver but he's a fighter, Teflon. He'll make it. " Munch says as he pulled away.

After Munch pulled away Nick did something he hadn't done before. The Detective pulled Alex into a hug too. Letting her know without words that he accepted Oliver. When he pulls away Nick looks Alex in her eyes.

"If there's anything I can do for you or for Oliver, all you have to do is let me know. He's my partner and I have his back, Alex. " Nick says.

Until now Alex managed to keep herself together. Hearing the words Munch and especially Nick daid makes the tough ADA tears up on the inside. Tears are forming in Alex's stormy blue eyes. Not able to answer them Alex nods at them. Seeing how difficult she has it now, Abby puts her arm around the younger blonde and coaches her best friend to the chairs they were sitting on. When they sit down Abby pulls Alex into her arms and tries to comfort the blonde attorney the best she can do now. Munch and Nick take a seat on the other side of the Texan. Patiently waiting till both women are ready to talk with them. After a minute or two Alex pulls herself together a bit.

"I'm sorry for being so emotional. Thank you both for your support. It means a lot to me. And I know that it means the world to Oliver that you support him and have his back, Nick." Alex says softly.

" You have nothing to be sorry for, Alex. We all care for Oliver but it turns out that you care for him and love him on a whole different level. Seeing that you are his fiancé. He surprised us with that back in the squad room. It sounds a little odd in this situation but I do mean it, congratulations Teflon. " Munch says.

"Thank you, John. " Alex says.

" Wait, Benson asked you to marry him? Sorry that came out wrong. I'm just very surprised. I didn't know it, I didn't know that the two of you were together. I agree with Munch here though, congratulations Alex. " Nick says.

"It's alright, Nick. We wanted to tell everyone when we came back to NY and throw a party. But my fiancé had to be protective about me and told the paramedic that I was his fiancé and that I would come with him. So he kinda outed us then." Alex answers with a small smile on her lips.

" Leave it to Benson to go all protective about you when he's injured. Do you know anything about his condition yet?" Munch asks.

" No I don't know a damn thing. They took him away as soon as we arrived at the hospital. The paramedic thought that he might have an internal bleeding m and his vitals went down when we were on our way. I've waited here for over an hour now and if there isn't someone coming here soon to tell me how he's doing I'll go get some answers myself. " Alex answers.

Despite the current situation Abby, Nick and Munch laugh and smile about Alex's words. Knowing that the blonde had collected herself again, for as far as she could, and that someone was facing the ADA's wrath if she didn't get to see someone soon and not getting any answers.

10 minutes later the doors to the waiting room are opening and Dr. Bouchon walks inside in a surgical uniform.

" Family of Detective Benson? " Dr. Bouchon asks.

Alex almost jumps up from her chair and walks fast to the Dr. followed by Abby, Munch and Nick.

" I'm Dr. Bouchon. Are you family of Detective Benson? " Dr. Bouchon asks.

" I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot, Detective Benson's fiancé. These are ADA Carmichael, Sergeant Munch and Detective Amaro. They are Detective Benson's other ADA and partners. How is Liv doing, Dr. Bouchon? " Alex asks.

" Due to the punch in her stomach. ." Dr. Bouchon starts.

"Excuse me for interrupting you Dr. Bouchon, but could you please refer to my fiancé as Detective or him? We both would appreciate it. " Alex says kindly.

" Sorry, yes of course. I didn't know. Alright, due to the punch in his stomach, Detective Benson had an internal bleeding. We managed to find it but your fiancé lost a lot of blood and needs a blood transfusion. Because of his blood type this is gonna take longer. We have given him a transfusion during the surgery but we need to get blood with an express service from the blood bank or another hospital, from which one is the fastest st this moment. After the transfusion he still is in a critical condition for the following 48 hours, I'm afraid. But if he makes it through them, I'm positive he will make it. But like I said those 48 hours are critical. I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, Ms. Cabot. " Dr. Bouchon explains.

" Take mine. We have the same blood type. He needs it now, not in an hour or so because you don't have enough here. "Alex says sternly.

" He needs to make it through those 48 hours Dr. Bouchon. I need him. " alex adds softly.

" The sooner he gets it the better it is. I'll send a nurse to you, Ms. Cabot to collect the blood and she'll bring it to us as soon as you are done. I can see how important he is for you. And you are to him. Before he was sedated he kept asking for Alex and that he wanted her there. Alright, if you don't have any more questions than I go back. " Dr. Bouchon says.

About 5 minutes after the Dr. had left a nurse came and took Alex to a room where she takes the blonde's blood. After half an hour she had taken as much as she could with being it safe for Alex in this situation. After the nurse made sure that Alex was alright she pointed the way back for the blonde and went to the OR with Alex's blood. An hour later after Alex got back into the waiting room, Dr. Bouchon came back and walked to where Alex and Abby are sitting. Munch and Amaro needed to go back to the precinct but they insisted that as soon as Alex knows more she would call them and they would be right back at the hospital.

"Ms. Cabot, Detective Benson will be transferred to a private room on ICU as we speak. As soon as he is ready a nurse will come to take you to your fiancé. We won't keep him sedated so it's possible that he will wake up. But I can't say when that will be. Nor if he will wake up the following hours. For now we have done everything we could and it's ul to Detective Benson now." Dr. Bouchon explains.

" Do you know when the nurse will come to bring me to Oliver? " Alex asks anxiously.

"I think in half an hour. " Dr. Bouchon answers.

" Thank you Dr. Bouchon for everything you have done. I am aware of what you told me but my fiancé is a fighter. I am hopeful he wakes up. I have to be hopeful and have faith in him." Alex says.

" No need to thank me, Ms. Cabot. I don't ask from you not to be hopeful I just have to be honest about his chances. You know your fiancé better than I do, obviously, and if he's the fighter you say he is, he needs to fight as hard as he can. Now, if you will excuse me I need to go back. " Dr. Bouchon says.

"Yes of course. Thank you again, Dr. Bouchon. " Alex says.

The Dr. nods at Alex and Abby and leaves the waiting room. Half an hour later a nurse came into the waiting room.

"Family of Detective Benson? " The nurse asks.

" I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot, Detective Benson's fiancé. This is ADA Carmichael. " Alex answers.

" My name is Ms. Danton, I'm a nurse at ICU. I'm here to take you to Detective Benson. Are you ready?" Nurse Danton asks.

" Yes I certainly am. Take me to Liv, please. " Alex answers.

" Very well. Ms. Carmichael, you can come with us but only for a couple of minutes. After that you have to leave. Too many people is too stressful for Detective Benson now. And at this point only Ms. Cabot allowed to stay with her fiancé. I hope you can understand this. "Nurse Danton says.

"Of course I understand it I'm happy to see Oli for a couple of minutes now." Abby answers.

The nurse takes them to the first floor where the ICU is. When they arrive at Oliver's room they hear a nurse trying to calm down someone inside the room.

"I'm sorry I have to check if your fiancé is brought to another room. It's not possible for him to be awake already. " Nurse Danton says.

"Oh yes it is. " Alex and Abby say in canon. Just when Nurse Danton wants to go and check, they hear the nurse inside Oliver's room again.

"Detective Benson, you need to calm down. When the Dr. comes here he checks you and maybe he will remove the tube. There is a nurse getting Ms. Cabot here." The nurse says.

"I think that's my cue to go inside. Otherwise I think you all will get shocked again. I won't put it past him to try to get the the tube out himself and then tries to get out of his bed and go and look for me himself. " Alex says dryly.

Nurse Danton looks at the blonde ADA like she has grown a second head.

"Trust me, Alex is telling you the truth."Abby says.

Alex doesn't wait for an answer and opens the door and walks inside, Abby following behind her smiling at nurse Danton.

"Easy Liv, I'm already here. " Alex says.

The relief of Oliver being awake clearly in the blonde's voice. As soon as Oliver hears Alex's voice he turns his head and his eyes lights up seeing the blonde attorney. And then he points at the breathing tube in his mouth.

All Alex can do is shaking her head with a big smile on her face.

A/N The following time it will take longer to post a chapter possibly. I have to write or copy a chapter on my smartphone and send them with copy and paste to my beta reader and post them the same way. The Internet on my PC is not working and probably won't be for a while. So unless I'm elsewhere and have access to the Internet this is how I need to do it. Next chapter there will be a quote again as I normally post with each chapter in this story.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N This chapter has been read by my beta reader however it's written on my smartphone again so any mistakes are my fault cuz I can't use the programs I normally use.

Chapter 24

"Love is a single soul inhabiting twobody's." - Aristotle.

Oliver needed to stay a day or 3 at least in the hospital even after waking up immediately. Of course he didn't agree with it and was a royal pain in the ass to the Dr's and nurses.

It's three days after Oliver went into the hospital again and to his and Alex's surprise Cragen had called an hour ago and asked if they would be alright with Kathy coming with him to visit Oliver and Alex in Oliver's room. They had briefly talked about it with the two of them and called the Captain back that I it was alright for him to bring Kathy with him. Now they are waiting for the both of them to arrive.

"I wonder what Kathy wants, what she wants to talk about. I don't think the Cap. would ask if it was alright if it's something bad but I still wonder." Oliver says.

"I agree. Although I don't know it either. Maybe she wants to apologize or something." Alex suggests.

"Yeah maybe, but it's not her who needs to apologize for whst he did. She didn't do it. He did." Oliver says.

"I know. We could speculate about it, but until she tells us why she came or why she's coming with him we won't know it for sure." Alex says.

5 minutes later there's a knock on the door and Cragen walks inside after Oliver said to come inside. Kathy follows behind the Captain.

"Hey Oliver, Alex. How are you doing besides being a pain in the ass to all the medical staff?" Cragen asks.

"I'm not so bad, I'm fine." Oliver answers.

"Hi." Kathy says nervously.

"Hey Kathy." Oliver says.

"Hello Kathy." Alex says.

"Spit it out, Kathy. I won't bite your head off." Oliver says.

"I want to say that I'm sorry what Elliot did to you. I know I'm not the one who did it but still I'm sorry for what he did. And I want you to know, both of you, that I don't think the same about it as him. We know each other for a long time. And all I want for you is to be happy. And if this makes you that then I stand behind you 100%." Kathy says.

"First, thank you Kathy. It means a lot to me. To us. Second, you don't have to apologize for what he did. Like you said you didn't do it, he did. I don't blame you and I'm sure neither does Alex." Oliver says.

"Oliver is right. It means a lot to me too. And I don't blame you for what happened." Alex says.

"Thank you. Oliver sounds nice. Is that your only name or did you chose a middle name too?" Kathy asks.

"No it's not my only name. My full name is Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver answers. The Detective looked briefly at Alex before looking back at Kathy.

"Alexander huh? Does that mean that the both of you finally got your heads out of your assess?" Kathy smiles.

Alex and Oliver look at each other and smile.

"Yes you're right. We did." Oliver smiles.

"He's gonna make an honest woman of me too. He asked me to marry him." Alex answers smiling widely.

"Wow. You didn't beat around the bush, Benson. Well congratulations to you both." Kathy says sincerely.

"Thank you." Alex and Oliver say in canon.

"What's gonna happen next?" Kathy asks.

"With him or us?" Oliver asks.

"Both I think. I mean I know Elliot has been arrested and for what. But that's all I know. When I heard what happened the first thing I wanted to know was how you are. I'll explain it later why that was the first thing on my mind." Kathy answers.

Oliver looks at Alex and Cragen. Both nod at the Detective to take the lead.

"Well Elliot is gonna be charged with at least assaulting an officer of the law. But that probably won't be the only thing. Abby is gonna take the case and with everything he said, I won't be surprised if she adds harassment and discrimination to the charges. I think that IAB probably wants to fire him and they have a good case. No matter what the outcome of the case against him will be in court. As for Alex and I; we're gonna be busy in the courtroom and with my recovery, I'm looking at three cases in court now. We also need to plan a wedding and change my name officially first.

You can always talk with me if you want to. No matter what happens in court or afterwards. For me it won't change how I look at you. Is there something wrong Kathy?" Oliver asks softly.

Kathy looks a bit shocked at hearing that Oliver faces three cases. On the other hand it means a lot to her that Oliver doesn't hold her responsible for her soon to be ex-husband. That was going to happen already and hitting Oliver didn't cause it.

"Three cases?" Kathy asks surprised.

"Yes. Two for the undercover op a couple of weeks ago and one against Elliot. But you look more surprised than I think you should be. Wanna tell me what's going on?" Oliver asks.

Kathy takes a deep breath and replies to Oliver's question.

"Elliot and I are going to get divorced. I asked for it about 3 weeks ago. So what happened a few days ago isn't the reason. I feel bad for the kids that their dad is going to be in jail probably. But it won't change my mind on getting divorced. I left our house 4 weeks ago with the kids. We're staying at my parent's house till I find a new place to live with them. He did tell me that you guys would have an undercover op but not what it was about or any other information. So that's why I'm surprised. You don't have to tell what it is but did something go wrong? Since there are two cases and not one." Kathy asks after explaining things.

Oliver looks at Alex after Kathy asked what went wrong with the op. He knows he can trust Kathy but he's not sure if he wants her to know what happened to him in Rikers.

"It's your choice, Liv. Tell as much as you want or tell as little as you want. And remember I won't think any less of you if you don't want to talk. And that I'm here with you." Alex says softly.

Oliver nods and kisses Alex's hand. Which he was holding in his own hand for a while now.

"You're right something went wrong. Badly actually. But I'm not ready to talk about it with you. It's not personal, I'm not talking about it with Lex or Abby neither. Apart from giving my testimony and telling Alex what happened. I hope you can understand this." Oliver says.

"Yes of course. If you want to talk about it with me you'll find me. I have a question. Does everyone still calls you Liv?" Kathy asks friendly.

"No. That privilege is only given to Alex. She's the only one that is allowed to call me Liv. Abby calls me Oli now. So you can either call me Oli too or find a new nickname yourself. Kathy, Cap. could you wait outside for a couple of minutes? There is something I would like to discuss with Alex before talking about it with you, Kathy. Don't worry it's nothing bad." Oliver asks, looking at Kathy and Cragen.

All three other occupants are surprised at Oliver's request. Kathy and Cragen look at Alex but the blonde ADA shrugs her shoulders saying that she doesn't know it either. Kathy and Cragen stand up and leave Oliver's room closing the door behind them. Alex looks at Oliver with one eyebrow raised questionably.

"Alright Detective, what is it that you want to talk about? You make me curious." Alex asks.

"I was thinking. Kathy and the kids are staying at her parent's place. That's not ideally to put it mildly. You and I are staying at your cabin for a while. We're going to get married somewhere between, what, now and a year? We both have our apartments for now. And if I know you, you want us to live together when we're coming back to NY and look for a new place to live together. I agree with you. Now my place is big enough for them to live in. So what do you think of asking Kathy if she wants to move to my apartment and when we come back I'll moving into yours till we find a new place for us? I bought my apartment with the money I got from my mom's house so she doesn't need to pay the full price. She has always been there for me and now I can do something back and help her. What do you think of it?" Oliver asks.

Alex is touched by Oliver's idea. Once again it hits her how selfless and caring her fiancé is. Here he is in the hospital due to her ex partner and apparently soon ex husband friend and still wants to help her like this.

"I think that this is one of the reasons I fell in love with you, fall in love with you even more and why I said yes to marrying you. I know you want to help Kathy and this is a amazing idea of you. I agree with it. With all of it to be exact. You're right you know me, very well I might add. I would love nothing more than to live together with you when we come back to NY and look for a new place for us. So I say let's ask Kathy if she wants to move into your apartment. I love you Oliver Benson. More than you'll ever know. " Alex answers.

"Oh I know. I love you as much as you love me Alexandra Cabot. Alright, let's do this. Let's ask Kathy. Would you go and ask them to come back inside?" Oliver asks.

"Yes of course." Alex answers, standing up and walking towards the door.

Cragen and Kathy walk back inside and sit down in the same chairs they were sitting in earlier. Alex walked back to Oliver snd sits down next to him again. Taking his hand in her own. Olivia smiles at Alex and then looks at Cragen and Kathy.

"You probably wonder why I asked you to leave the room. I'll tell you it now. I needed to talk with Alex and ask her what she thought about the proposal I have. Kathy, you have always been there for me. And now finally I can do something back for you. As you know Alex and I are gonna get married. Not immediately but somewhere between now and a year. Right now we are staying at Alex's cabin and we'll go back to it when they finally release me from this damn hospital again. I'll be moving in with Alex till we find a new place for us. You're staying with the kids at your parent's place and it's great that they do that for you guys but it isn't exactly the best solution. I know how hard it can be to find a proper place to live with all of you together. I might have a permanent solution for your problem. So what I want to ask you is this. What would you think of moving into my apartment?" Oliver asks, smiling.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N I'm sorry that this is another short chapter. But at this point I guess it's better to update a chapter that's short than no chapter at all.**

**Again I'd like to thank all of ya for all the reviews and followers/fav's I get. Y'all make me feel appreciated for what I'm doing with this story. **

**Back to the story. Keep R+R please.**

Chapter 25

"**Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do." - David Wilkerson.**

Kathy's jaw hit the floor. Did she hear this right? Oliver wanted to let her, soon to be ex-wife of his former partner, whom had hit him, causing him to go to hospital, move into his apartment. He wanted to help her and the kids? Kathy was sure she didn't hear that right. It couldn't be that the Detective was that selfless and caring person. The smaller blonde knew that her friend, yes she could still call him that, was generous and giving. But she never thought that he would do this for her, to help her.

"You want me and the kids to move into your apartment?" Kathy asks shocked.

"Yes. You all need a safe place in a good neighborhood and I offer you an opportunity to do that. Now what do you say? Are you gonna take it or not?" Oliver asks.

"Oliver, I'm sure I can't afford to buy it on my salary." Kathy says.

"And I'm sure you can. Look Kathy, I bought that apartment from the landlord with the money I got from my mother's house. Without going into details, thanks to Alex I got a great deal in a lawsuit recently. I have more money now than I know what to do with. And I'm sure that Abby will try to get the best deal for me in the case from the undercover op. So really I'm not going to ask you to pay more than you can afford. I'm sure we can work something out. Make up your mind woman. You know it's suitable for all of you. You've been there more than enough times to know it. Now are you gonna take it or not?" Oliver asks.

"Yes! Yes of course. Oliver, I can't thank you enough and I don't know how I could thank you enough for doing this." Kathy answers emotionally.

"You don't have to thank me, Kathy. Just do me one favor, alright?" Oliver asks.

"Anything you want." Kathy answers.

"Make it a real home for you and the kids. I never have been there enough to make it feel like home. I always liked Alex's apartment more than my own. You have a chance to start over again, do it right. That's all I'm asking for." Oliver says.

"I will. I promise." Kathy says.

Kathy stands up and walks to Oliver's bed and hugs him. She hugs him carefully but not careful enough. Oliver flinches at the for him sudden contact, briefly, but Kathy notices it. She doesn't say something about it. Knowing that the tough Detective doesn't want to talk about what ever caused him to flinch. But after shaking it off a bit Oliver returns the hug and put his good arm around the blonde.

"You're still family Kathy, and family takes care of each other." Oliver says softly.

After they let go, Oliver turns to open a drawer on his nightstand. He takes something out of it and closes the drawer again.

"Here are the keys to the apartment, Kathy. You can make a deal about the price with Alex. She will rent a storage box today for my stuff and tomorrow or the day after my stuff will be taken away and you can move in. If there's anything you want to keep, tell Alex and she'll make sure it stays there." Oliver instructs while handing over the keys.

"Are you sure you can arrange it that fast?" Kathy asks.

"Yes I do. There are a lot of people who owe me a favor or favors, so don't worry about that." Oliver answers.

"Thank you so much, Oliver. Alex, you do know you're lucky with your fiancé, don't you?" Kathy asks.

Alex looks at Oliver while answering the question.

"Oh I do. He's the most selfless and caring person I know or will ever know." Alex answers softly.

"Yeah. Yeah. No need to get mussy. I'm not that great. And it is so not Badass. Now go and make your kids happy, Kathy." Oliver says, brushing it off.

"Sorry for mentioning what a good person you are, Detective Badass Benson. Alright I'll get out of your hair and go pack our things at my parent's house." Kathy says.

"Let me walk you out, Kathy. We can make a deal while we walk." Alex says.

Kathy walks to Oliver and slowly leans forward, so that he knows what she wants to do, and hugs him goodbye. Alex stands up and kisses Oliver on his forehead before she walks out his room with Kathy.

"Alright now that Kathy is out of the room, how are you really doing Oli?" Cragen asks gently.

"Not that well. I have nightmares when I fall asleep. Not one but multiple per night. It helps a bit if Alex holds me or I'm holding her when we go to sleep but I still get them. After giving my statement to Abby, I had a flashback and I hit Abby on her nose when she tried to get me out of it, before she went to get Alex. To be honest, the only thing I'm sure of right now is marrying Alex and get the surgery when I recovered at least a bit. Being attacked by Elliot certainly doesn't help to deal with it. I knew he would react badly, but truthfully I never thought he would physically attack me. If Fin and Nick wouldn't have pulled him away he would have beaten the crap out of me, wouldn't he?" Oliver asks softly.

"Yes, I think he would have. I never thought he would do this either. You've been assaulted twice in a couple of weeks. And even though Elliot hit you once before he was pulled away, the fact that it was someone you trusted your life to and with doesn't make it less bad than what happened in Rikers. It's equally traumatic I think. I know you want to recover from this by yourself. But promise me that if it doesn't work and gets worse you will seek for help." Cragen answers.

"I promise. I have a fiancé I need to think about and take care of. I don't want her to suffer because of me, more than she already does. I know she still blames herself for what happened in Rikers. A little less than before maybe, but she still blames herself. She doesn't say it or talk about it but I know her, I know how she feels about it. And would it have been her, I would have done the same. Hell, I still blame myself for her being shot. And nobody can make me think otherwise. We both have to deal with this, her being shot and me being... raped. And now being assaulted by Elliot too I guess." Oliver says.

Oliver and Cragen talked a bit more before they switched to lighter subjects. They talked until Alex came back. The three of them talked for a couple of minutes before Cragen left and returned to the precinct and they were with the two of them again. Oliver is tired and went to take a nap when Alex's phone rings. Alex walks out of the room and talked for couple of minutes before ending the call and walks back into the room. She sits down on Oliver's bed.

"That was Abby. Barbara won't take a deal. He wants a trial. And that asshole Langan is defending him. He filled a motion for a speedy trial this morning. Judge Hagen accepted the motion. I'm sorry Liv, the trial starts Monday." Alex says.

"What? NO. No, no, no,no,no. This is not happening. Oh God, I can't breathe. Alex, I can't breathe." Oliver chokes out.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"**A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy." - George Jean Nathan.**

"_What? NO. No, no, no,no,no. This is not happening. Oh God, I can't breathe. Alex, I can't breathe." Oliver chokes out._

Alex knows that she has to calm him down fast. Forget about a full blown panic attack, Oliver is still being monitored and speeding up his heart beat will give them more problems than having a panic attack. Alex knows that no matter what state her Detective will be in, as soon as nurses and Dr's are barging inside his room troubles starts. There is no way he will let them help him and probably will think that they are there to attack the blonde ADA.

Alex pulls Oliver against her body and starts talking to him softly. Trying to get his attention on her.

"Liv, breathe. Everything is gonna be alright. Just breathe. Take a deep breath and listen to my voice, Detective. I'm here with you baby, nothing is gonna happen to you now. Breathe." Alex says softly with a soothing voice.

Oliver's heartbeat went up and the alarm from the monitor went off. This combined with the nurses and Dr. bursting into the room caused Oliver fighting to not get into a flashback. The nurses and Dr. thought that something was wrong with his heart and yelled at Alex to get of the bed and they wanted to pull Alex from behind him to lay him flat on his back. However, the moment they are getting closer to the Detective, Oliver thinks in his dazed state of mind that they want to attack Alex. And that was what Alex was afraid of to happen. Oliver growls for them to back off and stay away from the younger blonde. When they don't listen and steps closer, carefully but still closer, Oliver is getting a flashback. Alex immediately notice the change in Oliver and knows what's happening. The blonde ADA quickly climbs from behind Oliver and gets off the bed and jumps in front of her fiancé.

"Don't come any closer. Oliver will hit you. He's having a flashback. Now get out of the room all of you, please. I will explain it later but I need everyone out now!." Alex says firmly, glaring at everyone in the room.

Everyone except one nurse steps back. The nurse was standing at the end of Oliver's bed and didn't know anything about Oliver or Alex. It was her first day back today after a vacation. The nurse walks around the other side of the bed and puts her hand on Oliver's shoulder while she starts talking to him. The moment she touches Oliver's shoulder Oliver sits up immediately and swings his fist in the nurse's stomach. The nurse almost doubled over on his bed. She quickly steps away and walks away backwards while Oliver starts begging not to hurt him and then whispering not to hurt Alex. It breaks the blonde's heart to hear her fiancé in so much pain. Furious that the nurse made it only worse for Oliver Alex looks around stopping with the nurse who just backed off. The nurse is the one at the end of Alex's death glare this time.

"Everyone out now!" Alex says sternly.

The blonde ADA points her finger in the direction of said nurse who now looks at Alex like a deer looking into the headlights.

"I don't want to see you EVER again in this room with my fiancé. Do I make myself clear?" Alex asks in her courtroom voice.

The nurse shivers involuntarily hearing the tone of her voice and seeing the cold hard look in Alex's eyes. She doesn't trust her voice so she nods quickly at Alex and fleets out of the room. Followed by the others. Alex turns quickly back to Oliver and climbs on the bed to hold her poor Detective in her arms and softly speaks into his ear. Trying to get Oliver out of his flashback.

An hour and a half later Alex and Abby are sitting outside Oliver's room talking with each other. The blonde had left the door open just a bit so she could hear Oliver should he wake up. Alex explains to Abby what happened.

"They sedated Oliver an hour ago. After we were done talking on the phone I went back inside and told Oliver that the trial would start Monday. He almost got a panic attack. Since he's still monitored the fucking alarm went off and they came bursting into his room. I don't have to explain how that went. Poor Liv got a flashback and then a nurse was so stupid to go to him which made it only worse. It took me 20 minutes to get him calm again. Then the Dr. came inside and started to examine him, he freaked out and panicked again. How are we gonna get Liv ready for the trial Abby? If they release him before it starts." Alex ask worried.

Abby thought for a few moments before she replies to Alex.

"It went that bad? Poor Oli." Abby asks.

"Yes Abs, it went that bad. If I didn't ordered them to back off and leave the room it would have been even worse I think." Alex answers.

"Judging by how today went we're not gonna get him ready to testify in court. And it would actually be a good thing if they wouldn't release him before Tuesday. I know Judge Hagen from my first time at the DA's office. He won't post pone the trial later but he does wants his testimony. So I think he wants to take it here in the hospital if Oli is still here. Which would be better. No courtroom full of people. No watching that damn video tape. Just Hagen, Oliver, me and that asshole Langan. Hagan will keep Langan on a short leech and if he won't do it the Dr. and I will. There is no way in hell that I will let him badger Oli. Over my dead body! That sick son of a bitch Stabler made it all worse for Oli. I really hope they keep Oli here till after the trial. The nurses and Dr. will be relieved when they finally can release him somewhere next week after he made all their lives miserable but it would prevent him testifying in court. Again I seriously doubt Hagen will post pone the trial since Langan asked for a speedy trial and he granted it." Abby answers.

"Well I don't think it would be that hard to convince the Dr. to keep Oliver in the hospital I think. Not after what happened today. I think they would release him on Monday normally but with today and if we would ask for it I doubt they won't do it. But I do think we should talk with Oliver about this first. Because if we don't we will get a shit storm over us. And I don't want to be at the other end of his wrath, thank you very much. Maybe we could even reassure him if you manage to get his testimony here in the hospital. It's still very risky but it's better than being in a courtroom at this moment." Alex says.

"I agree with you. It ain't the best option but we don't have a better one." Abby says.

"There is something else we need to talk about. Kathy was here today with Cragen. Kathy and the kids are staying with her parents. She and Stabler are getting divorced. She filed for the divorce before he assaulted Liv. Anyway, Liv and I talked about it and Liv offered Kathy to take over her apartment, we're staying at the Cabin for a while and when we come back we're going to stay at my apartment till we find a new place for the two of us. Kathy took the offer. Would you mind staying in my apartment? Till you find something else. That way Kathy can move in the day after tomorrow or so. Tomorrow we will pack Oliver's stuff and rent a storage box to put his stuff in." Alex asks.

Abby looked shocked and surprised at the blonde ADA. She didn't expect Oliver and Alex to have Kathy visit them and she certainly didn't think this would happen. But of course the lanky Texan had no problems to stay at Alex's apartment.

"No, of course not. No problem. Did Oli really offer his apartment to Kathy?" Abby asks surprised.

"Yes he did. After Kathy told us that she was staying with her parents, Liv asked them to leave the room for a couple of minutes. He told me what he wanted to do. And knowing me that I would want us living together when we come back from the cabin. So he asked me if I was alright with this. Of course I agreed. It's so Oliver, he said that Kathy had always been there for him and that now he finally could do something back for her. He doesn't blame her for what Stabler did nor do I. But I fell in love with him even more when he asked me this." Alex explains.

"I can see why. You falling in love even more with him I mean. But you're right. This shows again how selfless he is and wanting to help others. I'll pack my stuff tonight. I also go and get some moving boxes and start packing tonight to help you guys. I don't have a lot of stuff at his apartment. Most of it is in a storage box too, till I find a place." Abby says.

"Thanks Abby. That would help us so much. I don't want to leave Oli here alone. I know I have to tomorrow but it's not that I like it." Alex replies.

"If you're gonna move the stuff after 5 pm I think I would be able to either stay her with Oliver or to go to his apartment and take care of things there." Abby offers.

"Really Abs? You have so much to do before the trials. Do you really have the time to do either of it?" Alex asks hopeful.

"Alex you're my best friend and Oli is my bro, I make time to help. I can go to the office on Saturday to work some more. But I know both of you don't want to be apart right now or leaving Oli alone here. Which is completely understandable btw. So it's not a problem at all. Just tell me what you want the most and I'll do what's left." Abby answers.

"I'd really like to stay with Liv here. So if you could go to his apartment tomorrow that would be really great. I'll call some people to come there and pack things up so that you won't have to do that too." Alex answers happily.

"Then you'll stay here with Oli, where you belong, and I go to his apartment and take care of it there. You're not alone in this Alex. You and Oli have the guys at the precinct and me to help you for a start. We all have your backs." Abby says softly.

"I know. And I'm so grateful for that. It means so much to me that everyone supports Liv so much. Even Amaro said that Liv was his partner and that he have his back. All the things that are happening now shows who stands behind us and got our backs. I just hope that my parents will be so supportive when we tell them about Liv's surgery. But we'll worry about that when we get there. Now I have and we have other things to worry about. I'll be so glad when those damn trials are behind us and we can focus on Liv's recovery and our wedding." Alex sighs.

"Ya know, in a way Stabler is lucky that Oli had that surgery and was injured. Otherwise he would have beat the crap out of him if not killed him for what he said about you. I know, it's lousy of me to say it but it's true though. I know without a doubt he would have kicked his ass big time." Abby says.

"You're right. It's lousy for you to say that right now and you're right about it too. Liv would certainly have kicked his sorry ass. And then he would have been in jail and probably lose his job for that asshole. But he didn't and now he and I need to deal with the aftermath. But the best thing that happened or is happening is that he and I got together and now I'm gonna be Mrs. Benson." Alex smiles.

"Sounds like your pretty sure about that. Is it gonna be Benson only? You gonna give up your last name?" Abby asks.

"Yes. I'll be proud to wear his name. Besides, I have a brother and 3 sisters who can keep the Cabot name alive. Liv has no one. And I want our future children to have the same name as we have. And if my family doesn't like that, I'll tell them where to shove it. It's our life not theirs. And it's our or mine decision to make not theirs. I and our future children will be the only real family he's got. Yes the guys and you and other friends are there and we see them and you as family but still it's different though." Alex answers.

"I know what you're trying to say. And you're right. You are his only real family and apparently your future kids will be. Should have known you talked about that too. Don't take it the wrong way. I'm really happy for the two of you. And I want nothing more than that you are happy and have a family." Abby says.

"I know how you mean it. To tell you the truth I couldn't be any happier than to carry his children. To be pregnant with our children. I know it will take some time to convince him of that but if that happens I'm the happiest woman in the world. Although I already am the happiest woman in the world being his fiancé and soon-to-be- wife." Alex sighs happily.

"You've got it bad, Cabot. You've got it bad for Benson." Abby jokes.

"Just wait till you find your dream woman Carmichael. We'll talk again then." Alex laughs.

"I'll believe that when I see it. Anyway, I'll get out of your hair and go. I've got enough things to do tonight and you can go back and drool over your fiancé." Abby winks.

"Bite me." Alex counters.

"I don't think so. I value my life too much for that. Oli may be my bro but that doesn't mean he won't kill me if I would do that." Abby says.

"True. When it comes to me there are no limits. It makes me feel safe though." Alex answers.

"You make him feel the same way, Alex. Now go back to your guy. I have an apartment to pack." Abby smiles.

The two ADA's hug each other and then go their own ways. Alex back into Oliver's room and Abby to the Detective's apartment.

Alex climbs back onto Oliver's bed carefully and snuggles against him. Even in his sleep Oliver wants to protect his woman and puts his arm around Alex's waist and pulls her into his body and let his arm lying around her waist possessively. Alex lays her head on his chest.

"One day, Oliver Alexander Benson, one day I'm gonna convince you and carry our children." Alex whispers before she falls asleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N Thank y'all for all the support I get from ya guys and gals. You trully are amazing. Helping me to make choises for this story when I need to, without even know it. This chapter is written without being read by my beta reader(s), so any mistakes that are there are all my own fault. **

**Back to the story and a new chapter.**

Chapter 27

"**A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman**

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Abby yelled, after slamming the door of her office behind her.

The brunette ADA had spent the entire morning at the courthouse and most of the time in the chambers of the three judges assigned to the trials. Hagen was already assigned to the case against Barbara for raping Oliver, Brennan was assigned to the case against him for the SVU case and Petrovsky was assigned for the case against Elliot Stabler. Hagen had agreed with Abby to taking Oliver's testimony in the hospital. Petrovsky had set the day for the trial on Friday next week. That was all she could do. Oliver's testimony could go two directions at this moment. Either he would need to show up in court or also taken in the hospital. Depending on where the Detective would be. Brennan had set the date on Thursday next week. He had not granted Abby's motion for Oliver's testimony in the hospital. Stating that while the Detective testifying was important, the case wasn't build up on his testimony and that it would be unlikely for the Detective to still be in the hospital by the time he needed to testify. Therefore, he denied the brunette ADA's motion. Oliver needs to testify in court. And it would be after the trial against Barbara for raping the Detective. Yes it were two separate trials but the cases were connected and it was highly unlikely that Barbara would go for a deal here, knowing that Oliver needed to testify in that trial too. And there was nothing Abby could do to prevent the hell it could be for Oliver. The Texan knows that Langan is Barbara's defense attorney on that trial too and that the son of bitch would do everything he could at cross questioning the Detective. It almost looks like he has a personal vendetta against either Abby or Oliver or both of them, because he's defending Stabler too. How the hell that is possible Abby doesn't know, there is no way that Stabler could pay his usual fee. The only 'lucky' part is that Petrovsky is the judge. She won't allow Langan to badger Oliver during his questioning and the brunette knows for sure that she won't hesitate and throw his as in jail for holding in contempt neither. But still there's enough damage the weasel can do to Oliver in three fucking trials together.

Abby drops into the chair behind her desk and slams her fist on it.

"Damn it!" Abby curses.

Abby is ready to curse a minute or two when there is a knock on her door.

"Come in!" Abby growls.

Liz pokes her head around the door.

"Is it safe for me to come inside or are you gonna bite my head off as soon as I'm inside completely?" Liz asks.

"Sorry Liz. I ain't gonna bit your head off as long as ya don't piss me off more than I already am." Abby answers.

Liz walks inside Abby's office and closes the door behind her before she sits down in one of the chairs in front of Abby's desk.

"I guess it's safe to assume that this morning in court didn't go to well?" Liz asks.

Abby shakes her head.

"That's the understatement of the year. That creepy weasel Langan is gonna be the defense attorney on all three trials with Oliver. There is no way that Oliver will stay in the hospital for two or three weeks so he needs to testify in court in the second trial against Barbara and maybe even in the trial against that son of a bitch, Stabler, if he won't be in the hospital anymore by next Friday. That are three trials for Langan to mess with Oli one way or another." Abby answers.

"How the hell did Stabler managed to get Langan to represent him? How are you gonna tell Oliver all of this?" Liz asks surprised.

"You tell me. On both questions. There is no way that Stabler can afford his fee. And after how yesterday went with Oli, I'm afraid of telling him this." Abby answers.

Liz raises one brow.

"What happened yesterday?" Liz asks.

"I told Alex, when she called me, that Monday the trial against Barbara starts, the one for raping Oliver. When I was in the hospital after I was done here, Alex told me that Oliver almost had a panic attack when she told him about the trial. Oli is still being monitored so when he panicked his heartbeat went up and the damn alarm from the monitor went off. So of course the nurses and Dr. burst into his room. Yelling at Alex that she needed to get of the bed, they thought something was wrong with his heart. The walked closer to his bed and Oli thought that the were gonna attack Alex and growled at them to back off. But they didn't listen and walked closer causing him to get a flashback. Alex, of course, defended him and got off the bed immediately and warned them and told them to back off, one of the nurses didn't listen and walked around the other side of the bed to Oliver and putted her hand on his shoulder. Oli hit her in the stomach with his fist so she backed off, but for Oliver the flashback got worse. Long story short, after Alex calmed him down and the Dr. examined him, he panicked again. That's when they had to sedate him. I'm afraid of what's gonna happen when either Alex or I tell him about the trials." Abby explains.

"I can see what you mean. Poor Oliver. Does that idiot nurse still have a job after what she did?" Liz asks.

"Yes she does. But I doubt she will enter Oliver's room ever again after Alex was done with her." Abby smiles.

"Alright fill me in with everything you know so far and let's see if I can help you." Liz says.

Abby nods at Liz and tells the older blonde everything about what happened that morning in court. Who the judges are, about the motions and the dates of the trials. When Abby is done Liz thinks for a couple of moments.

"Lena won't give Langan much space to do anything against Oliver. I think that trial will goes the most smoothly, if you can speak of that in the first place of course. Anyway, Lena will hold him on a short leech. Hagen will keep him short, along with the Dr. and you, and it's in the hospital. So no courtroom full of people and forced to watching the tape. It will be hard for Oliver but the Dr. won't allow him getting hurt. And if Alexandra is going to be there Langan better watch his mouth if he doesn't wanna get sued or getting his head ripped off. As for Brennan's trial, I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'm able to arrange something or pull a few strings." Liz says.

The two women talk a bit longer about the cases. And they talk about telling Alex and Oliver about the trials. Abby says what she needs to at Oliver's apartment and Liz tells her to take off the last hour or so to talk with Alex and Oliver before she goes to his apartment. Assuming that the Detective is not sedated anymore of course. They decide that Liz is going to be a invisible second chair on all three cases. So that Abby can help Alex and Oliver when needed and Liz can take care of some the work the brunette needs to do too. Just to help the Texan because the ADA is more than capable to handle the cases herself.

An hour and a half after Liz came into Abby's office the EADA leaves to let Abby work for a few hours before she heads off to the hospital and to get back to work herself. Two hours later Abby looks at her watch and sees it's 3.30 PM, time to wrap up and clean up her desk and head out to the hospital. At 4 PM Abby arrives at the hospital and walks to Oliver's room. She and Alex had talked over the phone and the brunette ADA had told the blonde that she would visit them around PM since Oliver was not sedated anymore. Knocking on the door the Texan takes a deep breath and opens the door to walk inside after she heard Oliver call to come in.

"Hey Oli, how are you feeling today?" Abby asks after closing the door.

"Better than yesterday. But that's obvious since I'm awake now." Oliver answers.

Abby hugs Oliver carefully and then hugs Alex. Seeing the tension on both her friends faces she decides to crack a joke to break up the tension.

"Liz wants to know if that 'idiot nurse', her words, still has a job?" Abby asks winking with her eyebrows.

Abby's attempt to joke works and Alex and Oliver both laugh out loud. Alex had told Oliver what happened and Oliver asked his fiancé the same question when she was done.

"She still has her job, but I doubt she'll ever enters my room to check on me after the ass chewing she got from ADA Cabot here." Oliver smiles.

"She may consider herself lucky for still having a job. If she knows what's good for her she stays away." Alex mutters.

"I doubt the woman even thinks about setting one foot inside this room as long as the two of you are here." Abby snickers.

Alex rolls with her eyes but says nothing. Oliver shakes his had at the eye rolling of the blonde next to him, before he turns serious again.

"How did it go in court this morning, Carmichael? Alex told me you've been there quite some time." Oliver asks.

Abby looks surprised at Alex, she didn't expect the blonde attorney to be so direct about it to Oliver after yesterday. After a look from Alex that said 'are you really that surprised' Abby looks back at Oliver.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" Abby asks carefully.

"As ready as I can be. I know I freaked out yesterday but it won't happen again, not if I can help it." Oliver answers.

"Alright. First of all Liz will be an invisible second chair on all trials. Just so I can be there for the both of ya when needed and get some work done for me. Now as for the trials, as you know Hagen has your personal trial against Barbara, Brennan has the trial for the SVU case and Petrovsky has your trial against Stabler. Hagen granted the motion for you testifying here in the hospital. So you don't need to go to courtroom for that or the trial itself. Petrovsky set your trial against Stabler for Friday a week from now. And where you testify depends on where you are. IF your still here she will come here for it otherwise you need to go to court. Brennan denied the motion for testifying here in the hospital. But we have around two weeks to prepare you for that. I can put you last on the stand and the trial starts next Thursday. So that gives us till the Thursday or Friday the week after that. Thursday and Friday will be choosing the jury so the show won't get on the road before Monday. Liz is going to see if she can get something done or pull some strings for that trial so we have to wait if something changes there." Abby explains.

After Abby is finished both Alex and her are looking at Oliver. The Detective takes a few moments to let everything sink before he looks up at Alex and Abby. Raising one eyebrow at the questioning looks on their faces.

"Oh come on, give me a little credit here. I know what happened yesterday but I'm not made of glass or sugar. And don't insult my intelligence. I know that the trials would follow up each other rather quickly. I got that clear yesterday. It gives some rest knowing that I don't have to testify in court against Barbara in my own case. But with everything you just told me I know you keep something from me Carmichael, so spit it out and tell me what you kept behind." Oliver says.

Alex and Abby are both pleasantly surprised with how Oliver takes all the news about the trials. Alex knows what Abby's holding behind and shakes her head after Oliver is finished. Leave it up to her fiancé to know when people aren't telling the whole truth. The blonde looks at Abby who shrugs her shoulders, the Texan knows that she's been busted. How the Detective does it she still doesn't know, but somehow nobody can ever withhold important information from him.

"Fine. What I didn't told ya is that I think that creepy sleaze ball has a personal vendetta against you, me or both of us or that he is just happy that he ain't up against the Ice Queen here, cuz Langan is the defense attorney in all three trials. How Stabler managed it I don't know, but somehow the son of a bitch got him as his defense attorney too." Abby says, looking a bit worried at Oliver.

Oliver looks at Alex to get confirmed that Abby is telling the truth and when Alex slowly nods, Oliver is reacting not how both ADA's expected him to. The moment he knows it's true, a fire gets in his eyes and anger is radiating off the clearly pissed off Detective.

"If that creepy weasel, that low life son of bitch thinks he can mess me up, he has another one coming. There's no way in hell I'll let that asshole get to me and get me rilled up in court or trying to smear my good name. I know it will be hard and tough enough but I'd rather eat my gun before I give him that satisfaction and let him win. Oh and I know Lex will be here when I testify and I fucking kick his ass literally if he even looks wrongly at her let alone tries to get a reaction out of her. I don't give a damn if it will be recorded or not." Oliver growls loudly.

The Detective makes both ADA's jump with his reaction. The didn't know what to expect but this is certainly not it. They briefly look at each other. They know the road to recovery is long and hard but for this moment Badass Benson is back and they couldn't be more happy than they now are and they smile brightly. That is until they realize what Oliver said last. They look at Oliver and back to each other.

"Oh shit!" Alex and Abby mutter in canon.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"**Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery.**

During the weekend Alex and Abby prepared Oliver for his testimony in the hospital the best they could. Oliver had a flashback during the first day and both nights he had nightmares but thankfully Alex managed to get him out of them relatively quick. Of course by the time Oliver needed to testify he was already exhausted and the Dr. kept an eye on the Detective as well did Alex and Abby. Although the last one was also guiding him through the testimony. Langan was pretty tame for his standards. He had seen the video and he knew that Hagen would keep him on a short leech. He did cross questioned Oliver but reading everyone in the room very well he didn't really attack Oliver. Alex and Abby were a bit surprised he didn't go after Oliver but they were happy that Langan didn't do it. They also knew that there are two more trials where he could do it. Every one could see that Oliver was fighting not to get panicked or having a flashback but he managed to not get a panic attack or flashback for the time Langan was in the room. After Hagen and Langan left the room he wasn't that lucky anymore. The testimony and past days took its toll. Oliver got a heavy flashback and it went so bad that he relived being raped in Rikers. Alex did the best she could but it took the blonde ADA quite some time to get Oliver back. The Detective was disoriented by the time Alex pulled him back. And till an hour afterwards he was extremely on the edge. After that Dr. Bouchon decided four things. One, he was going to put the Detective on medication for the night and if needed during the day starting that day, he nearly had sedated Oliver again after Alex had called him back inside. Two, he would keep the Detective on ICU for at least the rest of the week. Olivers heart beat gotten extremely high during reliving his rape and Dr. Bouchon wanted to keep him monitored, he was afraid that at one point the Detective's heart could get into trouble. And he wouldn't take any chance with it. The third thing he decided was that Oliver would testify against Stabler in the hospital too. The courtroom was off limits. Lastly he ordered some tests to make sure Oliver was in a good condition. Dr. Bouchon had made the tests a priority so he had the results back at the end of the afternoon.

The trial would start at 3 PM and because it was a speedy trial the jury already had been chosen before 3 PM. So Abby had left Oliver's room shortly after Alex had gotten Oliver back, to prepare for court. The Texan had suggested to Alex to charge the police department for arresting Oliver and putted him in a cell and to charge Rikers for putting Barbara in the cell with Oliver when they stood outside Oliver's room while Dr. Bouchon was checking Oliver. Alex agreed with Abby and the brunette ADA said that she would charge them both tomorrow morning.

**Inside the courtroom at 3.35 PM.**

The opening statements are just finished and Abby is about to call her first witness on the stand when Munch walks inside the courtroom and walks straight to the brunette prosecutor. In his hand he holds three sealed evidence bags. Abby turns around when Munch calls her. Munch leans over the gallery and whispers something to Abby before he hands over the evidence bags. After he's done Abby turns back and glares at Barbara and Langan before she turns to Judge Hagen. Munch takes a seat at the gallery to wait what happens before he will return to the precinct.

"Your Honor, The People requests a short recess , to explain this may I approach the bench?" Abby asks.

Judge Hagen nods.

"Counselors approach the bench." Judge Hagen orders.

Abby and Trevor step beside their tables and walk towards the bench. Hagen puts his hand over the microphone and leans forwards.

"Alright, Ms. Carmichael, what's going on?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Due to the new evidence I just received from Sergeant Munch, I'd like to ask for a recess so I can act on this new evidence." Abby answers.

Trevor immediately protests.

"Your Honor, my client has a right on a speedy trial. Your Honor granted that speedy trial. Ms. Carmichael should proceed and handle this after court." Trevor says.

Abby turns to Trevor.

"Yeah, well your client should have thought about that before he did what he did." Abby snaps.

Trevor wants to react but Judge Hagen interrupts him.

"Ms. Carmichael, what is so important that you need a recess for it? What evidence do you have?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Your Honor, I need to get a court order for a protective detail immediately. Mr. Barbara threatened Detective Benson and ADA Cabot. That's why I need a recess now." Abby explains.

Both Trevor and Judge Hagen looks surprised and a bit shocked. Judge Hagen reacts immediately.

"Guard take the defendant back to his holding cell. Counselors my chambers now! Sergeant Munch, you too! Bailiff take the Jury back to the jury room!" Judge Hagen orders.

Judge Hagan stands up and leaves the bench and walks into his chambers, Abby and Trevor following behind him. Munch stands up and walks out the courtroom and to Judge Hagen's chambers as well. Closing the door behind him when he is inside.

"Ms. Carmichael, what exactly happened?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Sergeant Munch handed me the new evidence and said to me that Detective Benson and ADA Cabot were threatened. By a phone call, which was heard by Detective Benson, ADA Cabot, Dr. Bouchon and a nurse. And the evidence I have here, Your Honor. For a complete explanation I think Your Honor should ask Sergeant Munch what exactly happened." Abby answers.

Judge Hagen looks at the three bags Abby gives him. One with an envelope, one with a letter and one with a photo. The envelope is addressed to Oliver and there are fingerprints on it as well on the letter and photograph. The letter says that Oliver should watch his back and Alex's back. If Oliver testifies Alex will be taken away and raped and he wouldn't live long enough to find her back. On the photo is Alex, the photo is an older photo that was published years back but never the less it's a photo of Alex.

After Judge Hagen has seen the evidence he glares at Trevor.

"Counselor did you know your client was doing this?" Judge Hagen asks.

"No Your Honor, I did not. I know nothing about these allegations Ms. Carmichael makes against my client." Trevor answers.

"Oh they are more than allegations Mr. Langan, based on the evidence I have here. I suggest you go and talk with your client now, Counselor." Judge Hagen says sternly.

"With all due respect Your Honor, I'd like to see the evidence myself before I go talk with my client." Trevor says.

Judge Hagan looks at Abby.

"Ms. Carmichael?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Are you allow the evidence into this trial, Your Honor?" Abby asks.

"Yes, I do." Judge Hagen answers.

"Then I have no problems with showing the evidence to Mr. Langan, Your Honor." Abby answers.

Judge Hagen pushes the bags forwards on his desk and Trevor looks at it. The sleazy defense attorney manages to keep his face straight but he knows when he looks at the evidence, that his client hammered the final nail in his coffin on this trial alone. Never mind the trial where he faces charges of raping multiple different women. Trevor pushes the bags back to Judge Hagen and looks defeated.

"I think you've seen enough for now Mr. Langan, leave my chambers now and do what you need to do. You are dismissed." Judge Hagen says firmly.

Trevor wants to object but one look of the Judge makes him change his mind.

"Yes Your Honor." Trevor answers with anger in his voice.

Trevor turns around and walks out the Judge's chamber.

"Sergeant Munch, Ms. Carmichael said to ask you for a complete explanation, could you tell me what happened exactly? I will sign a court order for a protective detail myself. And should you need an other warrant regarding to this case, call Judge Petrovsky, I'll call her when we are done here and before we adjourn again." Judge Hagen asks.

Munch tells the Judge that Oliver got a phone call in the hospital from a for now unknown male and that he had turned the phone on the speaker. At the time Alex, Dr. Bouchon and the nurse, that brought the phone to the Detective, present in Oliver's room. The man had said that he was a friend of Barbara and that Oliver would be a dead Detective soon since he didn't keep his mouth shut as Barbara had ordered when he raped Oliver. He also said that the Detective would receive something very soon so that he knows it's not a threat but a promise. After that he had ended the call. About 10 minutes later another nurse came inside the room with the envelope for Oliver. Oliver had asked a pair of gloves and putted them on before opening the envelope. After opening the envelope and reading the letter Oliver had called the precinct. And they had brought the evidence straight to the lab and waited for it to be processed to take it to the courthouse immediately.

"Sergeant Munch, do you know who this man is? If you do I will sign an arrest warrant too right now." Judge Hagen asks.

"No Your Honor, we do not know it at this moment. We are looking for him at the precinct as we speak." Munch answers.

"Alright, when you do call me for a warrant. We will proceed tomorrow with this trial. I don't care what Mr. Langan says about a speedy trial. His client has provoked that right by doing this. Here is your court order." Judge Hagen says, handing over the court order he just signed.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Munch says.

"Now go Sergeant. Make sure that Detective Benson and ADA Cabot are safe." Judge Hagen says with a soft tone in his voice.

"We will do that Your Honor." Munch says.

Munch turns to Abby.

"Counselor, I guess we will see you soon at the precinct?" Munch asks.

"As soon as I can make it, Sergeant." Abby answers.

Munch nods at the Judge and Abby and leaves the Judge's chamber.

"Alright Abigail it's just you and me now. I assume you want to add charges for what happened. Am I correct?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Yes Sir. I do." Abby answers.

"Alright name them. If they there are reasonable I will allow them. After your motivation for them of course." Judge Hagen says.

"Yes Sir. I want to add two counts coercion in the first degree, one aggravated harassment in the second degree and one count of aggravated harassment of an officer of the law, Sir. Mr. Barbara is standing trial not only for raping Detective Benson he is also standing trial for multiple counts of rape in the first degree. Now I am aware that the trial for those charges has yet to begin but I'm sure you can agree with me that there is no reasonable doubt that Mr. Barbara won't be convicted for rape in this trial. Somehow he managed to get a letter out of Rikers and delivered in the hospital to Detective Benson. And I know it is assuming, but the evidence don't suggest otherwise, he also seemed to ordered this male suspect to call Detective Benson and to kill Detective Benson. Therefore I think these charges are more than reasonable. And I ask you to grant them, Sir." Abby says.

Judge Hagen nods and thinks about it for a few moments.

"Abigail, your motivation for the charges..." Judge Hagen starts but gets interrupted by Abby's cellphone going off.

Abby looks at her caller ID.

"I'm sorry Sir, but I have to take this call." Abby says.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"**Love is the flower you've got to let grow." - John Lennon.**

"Carmichael." Abby says as she picks up her phone.

…...

"Are you sure it's him? Do you know where he is?" Abby asks.

…...

"Alright. I'll bring you the warrant in half an hour. After that I'm going to Oli and Alex." Abby says and ends the call.

Abby turns her attention back to Judge Hagen.

"That was Detective Tutuola. They identified him. He was so stupid to call Detective Benson with a traceable cellphone. He is also the man who brought the envelope to the hospital. His name is Jeremy Dickson. He's a guard at Rikers. Even though they don't know where he is right now, could you sign a arrest warrant for me Sir?" Abby asks.

"I'll sign it now, Abigail." Judge Hagen answers.

Judge Hagen fills in the arrest warrant, signs it and hand it over to Abby.

"Here it is. As for the charges you want to add. Before we were interrupted I was going to say that I can agree with the charges you want to add. Your motivations are correct and I think you are right about getting a conviction on this case. Don't tell anyone that, I'll deny it if asked by a third party. Now go bring this warrant to SVU so they can arrest Mr. Dickson. I expect you in my courtroom at 9 AM sharp to continue this trial." Judge Hagen says.

"Yes Your Honor. Thank for signing the warrant Sir. Tomorrow 9 AM I'll be back to nail Barbara's ass to the wall." Abby says.

Judge Hagen only smiles at Abby's words. He knows the younger woman in front of him will actually do it.

"See you tomorrow morning, Ms. Carmichael." Judge Hagen says, dismissing Abby.

Abby nods at the Judge and leaves his chambers. Going straight to the 1-6 precinct.

**In the hospital.**

Alex hangs up her cellphone and turns to Oliver.

"That was Abs, she just left the precinct and is on her way to see us. Trial starts again tomorrow morning." Alex says.

"Did she said anything else?" Oliver asks.

"No that was it. I'm sure she'll tell us more when she's here." Alex answers.

Oliver wants to ask something again but gets interrupted by a knock on the door and Manning, the young officer on door duty, opening the door and talking.

"Go ahead Ms. Carmichael." Manning says.

"My name is not Ms. Carmichael, boy, it's..."

"What are you doing here Rizzoli?" Oliver almost yells surprised.

"Rizzoli, like Detective Benson says, it's Detective Rizzoli for you." Jane says as she walks inside Oliver's room.

"Yes Detective Rizzoli." Manning says, taking a double look at Jane and shakes his head.

"As for what I'm doing here, I'm here to protect your ass Benson." Jane laughs.

Officer Manning sees that it's alright and closes the door behind after he took another look at Jane and shaking his head.

"What do you mean protect my ass?" Oliver asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Nice to see you too Liv." Jane says sarcastically.

"Sorry Jane. I'm happy to see you just very surprised. There is a lot you need to know. Now giving me a hug won't be such a good idea but stop standing there and hug my... I mean Alex will ya. Did you leave your manors in Boston? And after you've hugged Lex, you're gonna explain what you mean with protecting my ass, Detective." Oliver says.

Jane rolls with her eyes and walks to Alex taking the blonde in a bear hug.

"Good to see you Alex." Jane says.

"Good to see you to Jane. Now are you gonna tells us what you are doing here or not?" Alex asks.

"Protective detail for you and Alex. I transferred to NYPD and SVU. I didn't tell you two because I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to see the look on your faces when I walked into the squad room with an NYPD badge on. When I got there an hour ago you weren't there so I assumed that you were out on the streets. Captain Cragen told me you were here and asked me to go to you, after he looked me up and down twice and called me Ms. Carmichael and Abby, just like the rookie on the other side of your door. Who the hell is this Abby Carmichael? And why do they call me that? And don't think I missed you calling Alex almost something. What's with that?" Jane asks.

Alex and Oliver looked at each other and they see that the both of them want to have some fun with them since Abby comes here soon and see their reactions. So silently they agree to skip that part and answer Jane's question about Alex. Only they don't get the chance to tell Jane about their engagement because there is a knock on the door and Abby walks inside.

"Oli, why is Manning looking at me like..." Abby starts.

As soon as Abby sees Jane she stops talking and doesn't move. Jane who went to the door when Abby knocked freezes too when she sees Abby. Both women are standing there staring at each with their jaws on the floor. Alex and Oliver look at both women with a shit eating smile on their faces.

"You can both pick your jaw up of the floor when you're done staring at each other." Oliver laughs.

Both Abby and Jane pick their jaw up and look at Oliver.

"ADA Abby Carmichael meet Detective Jane Rizzoli. Detective Jane Rizzoli meet ADA Abby Carmichael and your long lost twin sister." Oliver jokes.

Abby and Jane shake hands with each other still looking a bit shocked.

"Now I get why they called me Detective Rizzoli and were surprised I was coming back." Abby says.

"Right back at you. I understand why the Captain and the rookie outside called me Ms. Carmichael and take a double look at me when I told them my name isn't Carmichael. But you keep surprising me Detective, why is she calling you Oli? And I'm still waiting for that answer about Alex." Jane asks.

"She ain't missing a thing. Annnnd she picked up on y'all, that's fast." Abby sing songs.

"Carmichael you're not helping here." Oliver says glaring at the Texan before she looks at Jane.

"Jane, you better sit down. There is a lot I need to tell you." Oliver says softly.

Abby and Jane both take a chair and sit down, Jane on the side facing the door and Abby on the other side with her back to the door. Alex, of course, is sitting next to Oliver on his bed.

"You don't have to tell it all at once. I won't go away anytime soon." Jane says.

"I know. But unfortunately you need to know them all. You're gonna work on most if not all cases I think that involve me and you'll find it out then. I'd rather have you hearing most of it from me and Alex. Some things are to hard to tell you myself at this moment, not that I don't want to talk about them with you. It's just, hard. So I'll leave that to Alex. She can tell you it when I talk with Abby here. Alright?" Oliver asks.

"Yes of course. You got me worried now though." Jane answers.

"You will get to hear more than you want and knows all of it before the day is over. And soon enough I'll find out how you think about me afterwards." Oliver says.

Oliver looks at Alex. Alex moves her head and whispers in Olivers ear.

"Liv, you can do this. I'm here. You just have to ask me and I'll help you. I love you Oliver Alexander Benson don't forget that." Alex whispers.

Despite all his nerves Oliver smiles widely when Alex calls him by his full name and relaxes immediately when Alex says she loves him.

"Alright Rizzoli, what do you want to know first of the two things you asked? The rest Alex will tell tell later as I just said." Oliver asks.

Jane knows how hard it is for Oliver to talk about himself or his feelings. Both Detective's are the same when it goes about that sort of things. So she decides to help her friend.

"How about I tell you what I think the answer is on both questions and you tell I'm wrong if I'm wrong about either one of them? Doesn't that seems easier to you?" Jane asks.

Oliver takes a deep breath and nods.

"Yes it does. Thanks Jane. Go ahead tell me what you think." Oliver answers slowly.

"Alright. I think you both got your heads out of your asses and admitted to each other that you're head over heels in love with each other. So that means you wanted to say my girlfriend or something like that. I think Oli is shortly for Oliver. That's what the Captain called you. When I asked him about it he said that I should ask you that. I'm not finished yet but how am I doing so far?" Jane asks softly.

"Getting close." Oliver answers softly.

For the second time that afternoon their conversation gets interrupted. This time it's Dr. Bouchon entering the Detective's room. But he waited for Oliver to call him inside this time because Officer Manning had told him the Detective had company.

"Good afternoon Detective, Ms. Cabot and Ms. Carmichael..." Dr Bouchon starts.

Abby turns around to look at Dr. Bouchon and like anyone else the Dr. looks confused when he sees Abby and Jane.

"I think I'm gonna buy a shirt saying: I'm Detective Rizzoli NOT Ms. Carmichael." Jane says sarcastically.

Oliver rolls his eyes and snickers.

"Dr. Bouchon this Detective Jane Rizzoli. Jane this Dr. Bouchon. Detective Rizzoli is my protective detail and our friend so she stays in the room, Dr. Bouchon." Oliver says as he introduces Jane to the Dr.

"Yes Detective Benson. My apologies Detective Rizzoli and Ms. Carmichael." Dr. Bouchon says.

"I'm sure you're not the last person who calls us by the wrong name Dr. Bouchon." Abby says.

"Apology accepted Dr. Bouchon." Jane says.

"Alright, I have the results of the tests back Detective. They're all good. Actually Ms. Cabot, you're fiancé keeps surprising me as you told us before. Detective you have the heart of man younger than you are, let's say of a man around his late twenties." Dr. Bouchon says.

" Hold on. Wait a second." Jane says.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N Most of y'all know that currently I'm posting the chapters with my smart phone. And that will stay this way for now. I'm dealing with a writer's block so I'm not posting new chapters for this story as much as I want to, let alone post chapters for my other stories. My writers block is caused by the problems I'm dealing with in my personal life. And right now I don't know if I can continue writing here at all. In two weeks, more or less, I will hear if I will become homeless or not. And if I do, I don't know what will happen next. I don't know where I'm going to stay. My life is turned upside down already and I might lose everything I have. Not only my house, but my pets who are very important to me. The only thing I can hope for is that I won't lose my girlfriend too. If that happens I truly have nothing to fight for anymore...**

**Anyway, if I can find some place to stay with access to the Internet I'll keep writing, with a small time of absence, as it means a lot to me. Writing helps me deal with the problems I'm struggling with. I promise I will keep y'all informed and won't quit writing without letting you, my readers, know it. I truly hope that I can keep writing and that writing won't be taken away from me too.**

**Cabson**

Chapter 30

"**Trying not to love you, only makes me love you more." - Nickelback.**

" _Hold on. Wait a second." Jane says._

Four pair of eyes are looking at the brunette Detective. Oliver looks kind of anxious, afraid of what his friend will say.

"Didn't you forgot to tell me something, Benson? Like you and Alex are going to get married?" Jane asks shocked.

Now it's Alex's, Oliver's and Abby's turn to look shocked at the former Boston Detective. This isn't what they had expected. It seems like Jane is more shocked about the fact that Alex and Oliver are gonna get married than about Oliver being a guy now.

"You're shocked about Alex and I going to get married? That's what you're shocked about?" Oliver asks shocked.

"Really? You would be the last person to settle down, let alone so soon. So yes clearly I'm shocked about that. But I'm also very happy. I'm sure that Dr. Bouchon wasn't finished and he has better things to do than listen to this conversation. We'll talk further when he's gone, ok?' Jane asks.

"Uhm yes. Sure." Oliver answers.

Dr. Bouchon stayed for 5 more minutes explaining the results of the tests. Although the results were very good he was still worried about Oliver's heart rate going up when he got a flashback. He said that Oliver needed to stay in the hospital at least until Friday. Then he would look again if the Detective would be ready to leave the hospital. If it wasn't for Alex's intervention, the situation it would have ended in another fight between Dr. Bouchon and the stubborn Detective. Abby and Jane were watching it all amused. Both brunettes were well aware of Oliver's attitude in a hospital. After everything was settled Dr. Bouchon left the room leaving the four of them alone.

"So now that he is away, when were you gonna tell me the two of you are gonna get married?" Jane asks teasingly.

"When you were done talking hadn't he interrupted us. But really that's what your shocked about not about you know the other thing?" Oliver asks anxiously.

Jane smiles sincerely at Oliver.

"No, I'm not. Relax Benson, my upbringing may have taught me differently but I'm ok with it, really. It doesn't come as a shock to me. I always have known it, after I got to know you well. I knew you didn't figure it out yourself so I never said something but I knew. I think I'm more happy that you figured it out and that Alex and Abby are ok with it too. So I guess I should start calling you Oli too, like Abby." Jane answers.

Abby snickers.

"The only one that is allowed to call him Liv is Blondie here. Glad to hear you're ok with him, if you wouldn't be I had to kick your ass, Rizzoli. I don't care you're a Detective like Oli, I still would have kicked your ass. Nothing personal though." Abby smiles.

"You and Alex. If I'm right, you would have done it literally. But Alex is just as dangerous with words, she would have killed me with that and her glare." Jane laughs.

They all laughed. Oliver was happy that Jane accepted him so easily and yes he had a lot of questions he wanted to ask about how the Italian Detective knew it but he knows now is not the time to do that. They talked a bit longer until Oliver said that he was starting to get tired and that it would be a good moment for them to split up for a little while so that he could talk with Abby and for Alex and Jane to talk too. Alex and Jane went into the bath room to talk while Abby and Oliver talked with each other in his room. As Abby updated Oliver about the trials and Dickson the guard at Rikers, Alex told Jane about the undercover op and how it went wrong and what happened to Oliver in Rikers, what happened in the hospital and what Elliot had done when they told the squad about Oliver's sex changing surgery. By the time Alex was done she had never seen the dark-haired Detective so angry and defeated at the same time. Knowing what happened with Hoyt, Alex knew that Jane understood what her fiancé went through. Oliver and Jane were assaulted by a suspect being on the job. Both being trained as a Detective and both being helpless with all the training and experience they had. When Jane heard about what Elliot had done Alex was actually glad that the asshole was in prison already, even though he had only been arrested and the trial needed to start. The blonde ADA knows for sure that unlike Abby who had been able to hold back and fight it out in the courtroom, Jane would have kicked his ass in the squad room, not giving a damn about the consequences it would have had. But it also made the blonde feeling a bit better. After Jane had calmed down enough to not upset Oliver, and Abby and Oliver were done talking, the four of them sat together around Oliver's bed. Just when Oliver started to dozen off Abby got called by Fin. He told her that they had caught the guy and were bringing him in for interrogation. So both Abby and Jane went back to precinct. The brunettes promised that the would come back in the early evening to visit Oliver and Alex again. After the brunette ADA and Detective were gone Alex snuggled up against Oliver. They were both exhausted and not even 5 minutes after the two women had left, both Alex and Oliver were asleep.

The rest of the week Oliver kept having awful nightmares, if the Detective slept because that was another problem. The Detective hardly fell asleep at all. The sleep medication Dr. Bouchon had giving Oliver didn't work at all. Wednesday Dr. Bouchon had giving the Detective different medication but with the same results. It almost looks like the Detective doesn't react on sleep medication at all. And he refused to take any other medication to calm down until Thursday, when Oliver finally accepted a small doses of anxiety medication..

Alex hadn't left her fiancé's side. She went to get them something to eat occasionally and went home once to get toiletries and clothes but aside from that Alex stayed with Oliver and watched him like a hawk. The squad along with Liz Donnelly, Captain Cragen and Abby visited the couple but except for Abby and Jane, they visited them once a day and had made a schedule whom visited them when.

Petrovsky had come to the hospital to take Oliver's testimony on tape with Trevor on Thursday. And that's when they found out why it was possible for Elliot to get Trevor Langan as his defense attorney. The man was as bigoted as Elliot himself when it comes to Oliver's sex change. He had lowered his fee. It was a joke, the amount of money Elliot Stabler needed to pay him. Trevor crossed the line once and payed for it. Oliver managed to stay calm. Petrovsky was clearly not amused with the creepy weasel and after only one warning she had him hold in contempt. Fin had come to hospital just in case and had taken him away. Alex had almost sued Trevor, if Oliver hadn't asked her to let it go. The Detective told her that they had enough lawsuits and that he didn't want another one added. But they knew one thing when Petrovsky had him hold in contempt, he didn't have to try anything in the courtroom. And that was a big relief for Oliver. The Detective slept better for the first time since all of this had started. That night he had only one nightmare and it wasn't as heavy as the former nights had been.

Now it's Friday 3.30 PM, Oliver and Alex are on the Detective's bed, waiting for Dr. Bouchon to come and see the Detective and to hear if Oliver gets released today or not. Dr. Bouchon had gotten an emergency surgery and his visitation round is rescheduled to the second part of this afternoon.

"I don't say it's gonna happen, but if Dr. Bouchon says you need to stay longer, don't get into a fight with him again, Oliver. He won't do it to punish you, he'll do it for your health." Alex says.

"Alex, I've been here too damn long already. I'm not severely injured, I'm perfectly fine to get out of here and for us to go back to your cabin until I have to testify in court. If he wants me to stay here, he can suck it up. I'll get out of this hospital today." Oliver answers irritated.

"I don't think so Detective. If Dr. Bouchon wants you to stay and you leave against medical advice, I certainly won't take you back to the cabin. But we don't know that yet. So why don't we wait what he's gonna say before arguing about it?" Alex asks calmly.

"Alex, c'mon. I'm an adult. I can take care of myself, and I'll ask you to help me if I really need it."Oliver says.

Alex raises one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow questioningly at the Detective.

"Really Alex, really? You won't go back to the cabin?" Oliver asks.

"Who said something about me and not going back to the cabin. You're a grown guy, you can take care of yourself can't you? I'll bring you to our apartment. Abby will be there in the evening to keep you company." Alex answers.

"You won't do that. You're watching me here like a hawk, you'll never leave me to myself there." Oliver says.

"Try me." Alex says seriously.

"Excuse me?" Oliver asks stunned.

"I said try me. You don't believe I will do it. So try me. There's only one way to find out if I do it or not. Don't challenge me Detective. You know it doesn't go your way most of the time." Alex answers.

Of course the younger blonde is bluffing, not that she's gonna tell Oliver that. She's effectively avoiding a fight between the Oliver and Dr. Bouchon. Without the Detective knowing it. Normally Alex would never back down from any situation and that's what Oliver knows. He still thinks that Alex might be bluffing but he won't take that chance. Not wanting to get into a major fight with his fiancé and maybe ending up in the apartment by himself while Alex is at the lake in the cabin.

"Fine. I'll stay if Dr. Bouchon wants me too. But I promise you this, if he makes me stay longer than next Tuesday I'm leaving this place and if that means you'll leave me at the apartment fine. I'll be damned to stay longer than that, no matter what you threaten me with Alexandra Cabot." Oliver says sternly, but giving in to Alex.

"Deal, Alexander Benson. If you stay till Tuesday when the Dr. wants it, we'll go to the cabin than. Assuming you won't have to testify in court later in the week." Alex smiles.

Oliver smiles at Alex before he pecks the blonde attorney briefly on her lips. Then he seriously looks in Alex's baby blue eyes.

"I love you Lex, I love you so much." Oliver says softly.

Alex's eyes get watery at hearing Oliver saying he loves her. Yes he had said it one time earlier but he brushed it away that time. Alex knew he wasn't ready to say it and let it be there for a moment, so the blonde attorney had acted normally like nothing happened, but on the inside she emotional and happy. Now she could she it came from the bottom of his heart. And Alex slowly puts her hands on Oliver's face and kisses him deeply. Trying to put everything she feels right now in the kiss. Words can't make say what it means to her so the blonde makes sure her fiancé feels it. When breathing becomes necessary Oliver pulls back but puts his good arm around Alex's waist.

"I love you too, Liv." Alex says softly.

The couple took a minute or two to collect themselves and just in time because Dr. Bouchon knocked on the door and walked inside when they were done. Dr. Bouchon told them that he wanted Oliver to stay in the hospital and that he would let the Detective go on Wednesday. He would release him from ICU and sign him over to a normal private room. And that he could leave the room once a day for 15 minutes tops. But that at night he would be monitored until he would leave the hospital. Dr. Bouchon was surprised that Oliver let him finish talking and was stunned that the Detective agreed with what he just said. But after asking why and Oliver telling him that Alex had blackmailed him to stay and not put up a fight, Dr. Bouchon had smiled and actually laughed. Silently thanking the blonde attorney for what she had done. Dr. Bouchon said that he was going to take of things and then would come back to give him more instructions and information about what floor and room Oliver would stay.

A couple of minutes after the Dr. had left there was a knock on the door and at first Alex and Oliver were surprised thinking that the Dr. was back so soon. But that quickly changed when they heard a female voice before the woman herself actually came inside Oliver's room. Not that it was necessary, both Alex and Oliver would recognize that voice everywhere. It belongs to Alex's mother.

"Alexandra Laura Cabot, why did we have to hear from Liz that the two of you are here? For almost two weeks?!" Caroline asks sternly.

Alex and Oliver look at each other shocked and whisper.

"Oh shit."


End file.
